Forbidden Magic, Unbidden Love
by ivory-sword
Summary: After saving Morgana's life in the forest, Amaryllis finds herself a guest in Camelot. Suspicious and untrusting, she hides the mystery surrounding herself, but finds that the young physician's helper Merlin might know more about her than even she knows. Amaryllis finds herself attracted to the young prince, despite his arrogance and the impossibility of them being together.
1. Amaryllis

_Author's Note: What am I trying to do, kill myself? I'm working on four fanfictions now and I can barely update one regularly. Make that, I don't update any of them regularly. But I just had to start a Merlin one. And I've had this idea for ages... Anyway, I hope you enjoy! I will try to update as regularly as possible, but I start student teaching in a week, so we'll see if the routine helps me write more, or if I just don't have time to write at all. This story just takes place randomly around season one. No real time frame. No one has gone evil yet. _

-1-

The bitter taste of the argument Morgana had just had with Uther was still strong in her mouth as she rode away from the castle. She turned her horse toward the forest, still fuming over her guardian's harsh words. Earlier that day, a young woman had been brought forward on trial, accused of witchcraft. Morgana had recognized her as one of the maids who worked in the castle. The girl was obviously no witch. Morgana had tried to reason with Uther, but the king of Camelot had stubbornly refused to see reason. There was no reasoning with him where magic was concerned. Morgana knew this, but it enraged her to see the king so blinded by his hatred. He would see anyone executed who showed even the smallest signs of magic – whether it was all in his head or not.

Morgana shook with fury as she rode on. The shadow of the woods swallowed her, and she slowed her horse, trying to calm herself. Sometimes it was difficult being ward to the king. She had to stand by and watch as Uther overreacted to everything and brought down strict and unjust sentences. He was not all bad – he had shown her kindness and given her everything she needed – but that did not overshadow his ill-deeds.

So lost in her thoughts was Morgana that she did not noticed as four figures darted around her horse, hiding themselves behind the thick trunks of the trees and the lush undergrowth, full with summer berries. She only became aware that something was amiss when her horse threw his head up, stopping short. His grey ears flickered backwards, and he let out a low whinny.

Morgana tensed, her eyes flitting around the trees. She had a knife hidden under her cloak and drew it, watching the forest around her warily. For a moment, she saw nothing, but then four men strode out of the trees, forming a loose circle around her. Bandits. Morgana wielded her knife, steadying her horse as he sidestepped.

"We'll be having your valuables," one of the men said, grinning toothily up at her.

"I haven't got any on me," Morgana replied briskly, her blue eyes flashing.

"Well then, what about yourself? I know the king thinks you're valuable. I wonder how much he'd pay to get you back if you went missing?" the man said, taking a step forward.

"How dare you," Morgana said, eyes narrowing. She held the knife out at him, but she knew she was outnumbered. She cursed herself for having been so careless. Before she could react, all four men jumped forward, pulling her from the saddle. Morgana screamed, striking out with her knife. There was the sound of hoof beats and a rider galloped up to them. There was a 'twanging' as an arrow was released, and one man fell. Before they could fully grasp what was happening, two more men had arrows imbedded in their chests. The fourth man turned and ran, leaving his fallen comrades behind.

Morgana straightened herself in the saddle, turning to see who her rescuer was. To her surprise, a girl her age rode forward. She had long golden hair that was braided down her back, and light blue eyes framed by a heart-shaped face. A long scratch ran down one cheek, marring her smooth skin. It looked recent though it had begun to heal. The clothes she wore were ragged as if they had seen a lot of travel. She wore men's breeches and a loose tunic covered by a green cloak. Her riding boots bore holes, though they had obviously been quality shoes a long time ago.

"Are you alright?" She lowered the recurve bow that she had fired with such accuracy.

Morgana nodded. "Thanks to you. You're an amazing shot."

The girl smiled. "Thank you."

"Where did you come from?" Morgana asked.

"Oh, North," the girl replied vaguely. "I'm actually traveling to Camelot."

"I can take you there," Morgana said. "That's where I live. I'm Morgana."

"Amaryllis, but you can call me Ryll."

"Well, Ryll, you must stay and be my guest. I'm the king's ward, and when he hears of your bravery, he'll be honored to welcome you into his castle."

Ryll opened her mouth to reply, but was cut short. To neither of the girls' knowledge, the remaining bandit had come back to where they sat talking, a crossbow in hand. He released the arrow. Hearing the noise, his target had moved just before his arrow could breach her heart. It struck, instead, her left side, burying itself deeply. The girl put a hand to her side, her hands coming away red and sticky with blood. Morgana gasped, and then turned, knife in hand and hurled it at the man. It hit him in the back as he fled, striking him down.

"Amaryllis!" Morgana grabbed the girl before she slid from the saddle. Her clear blue eyes flickered shut, and she lost consciousness. "No." She watched as the arrow wound bled, soaking the girl's tunic in scarlet.

…

Horses clattered into the courtyard as Merlin and Gaius made their way back to the physician's quarters after making their rounds. A fever had been spreading around some of the families who lived near the west wall.

"Gaius!" The old physician turned to see Morgana riding up, her black hair wild and tangled, her horse panting. She led a second horse behind her, a small chestnut with an unconscious rider draped over its neck. "Please, you've got to help her. She's been shot in the side with an arrow."

"Get her down," Gaius told Merlin, motioning for him to carry the girl back to their quarters. Merlin gently pulled the girl down, taking her weight in his arms. Already she had lost a lot of blood. The arrow shaft was thick and deadly looking from where it protruded from her side. Morgana hovered behind him as they made their way back to the physician's quarters.

"Please, you have to help her. She saved my life in the forest," Morgana pleaded.

"We'll do what we can," Gaius assured her, but Merlin noticed his expression was grim.

…

Merlin set the girl down on a table in the physician's quarters, careful not to tear the wound. He watched anxiously as Gaius withdrew the arrow. The wound began to bleed profusely.

"We need to clean the wound," Gaius told Merlin, handing him a clean, wetted cloth. Merlin set to work, cleaning off the blood before working to staunch it. "If we don't stop that bleeding, she will die," Gaius said, his tone dark. Merlin helped him to wrap a bandage around her waist, watching as the white cloth grew dark with blood.

"Morgana, I wonder if you might get me some fresh water," Gaius asked suddenly.

"Yes, of course." She left the room, casting one last glance back at the girl.

"This wound is very bad, Merlin," Gaius informed him, his brow furrowed. "I'm not sure if she's going to make it. The arrow was barbed and has done considerable damage inside of her."

"We can't just let her die. Surely there's something we can do."

"No, we cannot risk it. You've seen how hard Uther has been striking down on anyone he suspects to be using sorcery."

"But we can't just give up! I know I can save her!" Merlin argued, feeling frustrated.

Gaius shook his head, turning to mix some herbs to help stop the bleeding. "This will take away the pain," he said, taking a pestle in hand and running it around the stone mortar, crushing the fragrant herbs.

Merlin leaned over the girl, observing how young she was – probably his age. He couldn't just let her die. He put a hand over her wound, closing his eyes to concentrate. That was when she woke up. He could feel a tremor as she gained consciousness. It was as if the skin beneath his hand was burning up. He opened his eyes to find himself looking into a bright blue set. His eye caught sight of something strange. A small silver ring hung around the girl's neck, caught up around a silver chain. The small purple stone within seemed to glow and pulse with energy before fading. He wondered if it had just been a trick of the light.

"What happened?" the girl asked, her eyes wide. Merlin could feel her heart beating violently beneath his touch and quickly removed his hand from her side.

"You were shot. With an arrow." The girl's eyes narrowed as she watched him.

Gaius looked over at him sternly, but Merlin shook his head. "I didn't do anything," he said honestly.

"What do you mean?" the girl asked, accusatorily.

"Nothing." He turned back to the girl. "I just mean, you seem to have recovered on your own. The bleeding stopped."

"Amazing," Gaius said. Merlin could tell by his tone that he still suspected that he had used some form of magic to heal the girl. What he had felt, what he had witnessed, felt like magic, but he couldn't be sure. The girl who lay before him looked scared and confused, unable to account for what had happened to her in the last few minutes.

Before anything else could be said, Morgana re-entered the room carrying a bucket of water. This time Arthur was at her side.

"You're awake," Morgana cried, setting aside the bucket.

"Yes, thanks to your healers," the girl answered, her eyes flicking back to Merlin.

"Her wound was not as bad as we supposed it was," Gaius said, throwing Merlin a look.

"I was told she saved Morgana's life," Arthur said, stepping forward. "That was very brave of you," he addressed the girl.

She blushed. "It was nothing. It appears in the end, Morgana saved my life as well." She looked gratefully over at Morgana.

"You must stay in Camelot as a guest. I will tell my father of your deed. I'm sure he'll want to thank you in person when you're feeling up to it."

"Thank you." The girl smiled up at him.

"I'll let you rest." Arthur left the room. The girl's eyes trailed after him.

"Arthur," Morgana explained. "He's the king's son."

"What must he think of me?" the girl gazed down at her bedraggled appearance.

"He doesn't care," Merlin assured her.

"I'll let you rest," Morgana said to her. "When you're feeling better, I'll introduce you to Uther. I know he'll be pleased to meet you. I'll give you one of my dresses to wear, so you can change out of those clothes."

"Thank you. You're too kind."

"We'll examine the wound and bandage it properly now that the bleeding has stopped and assess whether or not it would be wise to move you yet," Gaius told her. "If so, then you can be moved to a more comfortable room."

"Merlin can come get me when you're ready to move," Morgana said. "I'll get my maid to ready a room for you."

After Morgana had left, Merlin turned back to the girl. "What's your name?" he asked.

She watched him with curious eyes, not quite trusting, but yet penetrating as if she could tear away the layers of secrecy away with just a glance. He swallowed, feeling as if she could guess his secret just by looking at him.

"Amaryllis," she said. "But that's such a mouth-full. Call me Ryll."

"I'm Merlin, and this is Gaius."

"I take it I'm in Camelot."

"Yes, you are."

"And you healed me?"

"Yes, Gaius mainly. I'm just here for support mostly."

"That was a pretty bad wound," Ryll said suspiciously.

Merlin wondered why she was sounding so suspicious. Did she suspect that he had healed her using magic? But he hadn't. Somehow she had healed before he could speak a word. Was she magic? She either hid it well or had no idea. Could he have healed her just with the touch of his hand?

"Gaius is a really, really good healer," Merlin assured her. She narrowed her eyes but didn't argue.

"Let's look at that wound," Gaius said, coming over. Merlin removed the temporary bandage that was soaked in blood. He nearly dropped it when he saw that the wound was only a small mark now, no blood to be found.

"I've always been a fast healer," Ryll said, but her tone was disbelieving.

No one said anything. "We should bandage it, just in case," Merlin said finally. Ryll sat up and silently watched as he bandaged around her waist, tying it neatly at the ends. She pulled the ends of her ragged, blood-soaked tunic down, covering the bandage.

"Thank you," she said, looking at both of them. "I think I might take Morgana up on her offer of a more comfortable room. I think some rest in a bed might be just what I need to make a full recovery." Merlin turned to Gaius.

"I see no reason why she can't be moved."

"Why don't I take you up to Morgana's room. I'm sure she'll have set you up nearby," Merlin said.

"Alright."

"Let me help you. You don't want to strain the wound." Ryll put an arm over his shoulder, letting him put an arm around her good side and help her off the table. She felt warm next to him, and he could smell pine and earth on her clothes and in her hair.

"I can walk," she said to him, retracting her arm and holding it protectively around herself, avoiding touching her left side.

"Alright." They headed toward Morgana's room, Merlin anxiously watching Ryll. The girl showed no signs of discomfort. They walked in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts until they reached Morgana's room.

"I just made up the room right next door." Merlin turned to see Gwen walking toward them, her arms full of sheets.

"Thank you," Ryll said, smiling at the girl. "Will you tell Morgana I'll be resting there?"

"Of course. If you need anything, just let me know. I'm Gwen."

"Ryll. And thank you again."

Ryll let Merlin walk her to the door before turning to him. "I'm not sure how you healed me, but thank you. I realize I owe you my life. If I can ever return that favor, I will."

"Well, like you said, you're obviously a fast healer." There was more to it and they both knew it but either she wasn't willing to divulge the truth or she didn't understand what had happened any more than him.

"I'll see you later, Merlin," she said before disappearing into the room, leaving behind the faint scent of evergreens and pine.


	2. The Prince and the Archer

-2-

When Ryll opened her eyes, she found herself momentarily confused, forgetting for a second the events of the day. She blinked, gazing around the richly furnished room in a state of disbelief. Then the morning came rushing back to her, and she put a hand to her side. There was no pain. She carefully unwrapped the bandage and looked down at the wound. There was no mark. She breathed in sharply. Whatever had caused her wound to heal so quickly was not within her understanding. Merlin had seemed just as surprised as her. Somehow she got the feeling that he thought she had done something. She shook her head. If she had the knowledge to heal wounds that quickly, she would have done so before now. That was not the kind of gift you just wasted. But what was she thinking? She was now a guest of Uther Pendragon. She had heard just what he did with people who practiced magic whether they meant to or not. But magic? She had never been gifted in that way. Not to her knowledge.

Replacing the bandage, Ryll got out of the ornate four-poster bed, carefully tucking in the deep green cover. A dress had been laid out at the end of the bed. It was a light blue to match her eyes with a carefully beaded band that ran around her torso and a full skirt that flowed down to her feet. She stepped out of the nightgown she had been given and into the dress, marveling at the smooth feel of the fabric. Her worn boots had been replaced with soft slippers. There was a tap on her door, and Morgana entered, her expression brightening when she saw Ryll dressed and looking better.

"You look much better," she said, smiling.

"I'm feeling much better."

"When I saw that arrow pierce you, I thought that you'd been badly injured."

"I guess it wasn't as bad as it looked. I have tough skin." She smiled, hoping they could drop the subject.

"Are you feeling up to dinner? Uther would like to meet you."

"I'm feeling well enough for dinner. I just hope I'm up for meeting the king. I'm not exactly used to being in the presence of royalty," she admitted.

"You'll be fine. You don't need to put on airs just to impress him. He's very grateful to you for saving me in the forest."

Ryll nodded, following Morgana out of the room. She led her down a set of spiraling stairs and down a hallway. Everything was grey stone, lit by torches along the walls. Camelot wasn't exactly cold, but Ryll found it difficult to find any comfort along its corridors. They came to a double set of wooden doors set with iron. Two guards stood along side the doors, holding spears and looking formidable in their armor. Morgana walked straight past them and into the well-lit dining area. A middle-aged man stood with his back turned to them, one gloved hand resting on the back of a tall-backed chair.

"My Lord," Morgana said, interrupting his contemplation. He turned, his severe eyes softening when he saw his ward. His eyes turned to Ryll. They were grey and cold, but held a certain light that Ryll decided could be caring. She wouldn't want to get on his bad side thought, she knew that. "This is Amaryllis."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, your highness," Ryll said, bowing her head.

"The pleasure is mine. I can't tell you how glad I am that you were riding through the forest when you were. You are welcome to stay in this castle for as long as you like as my guest."

"Thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm afraid I've nowhere else to go," Ryll confessed.

"No family then?"

Ryll shook her head. "No, my Lord, they died when I was young. I've traveled around ever since."

"That must have been difficult."

"Yes, it was, but now I'm here in your beautiful kingdom, and already I've made a friend." She glanced gratefully at Morgana who smiled in return.

"Please join us for dinner," Uther requested, motioning toward the table as the servants stepped forward to serve them.

They had just sat down when Arthur entered the room, Merlin trailing after him. It seemed as if the two had been quarrelling because Merlin had a look of frustration on his face while Arthur looked peeved. His blue eyes alit on her and changed to a look of appraisal.

"You're looking much better," he said, seating himself across from her.

"Yes, I feel much better." Ryll smiled, hoping no one would question her quick recovery. Merlin cast her a look from behind Arthur's back, and her smile faltered.

"Tell me, where are you from?" Arthur asked.

"Originally I was from Hithar, a small village west of here. But after my parents died, I moved around a lot."

"I'm sorry to hear about your parents," he said sympathetically.

Ryll bowed her head solemnly. "It was a long time ago," she atoned.

"Morgana tells me you have quite the skill with the bow," Arthur changed the subject.

"Yes, I do. I've been practicing since I was a little girl."

"Maybe you can teach me a thing or two," Arthur replied.

"I'd like that." She caught Merlin throwing her another glance as if disapproving her choice to join he prince. Obviously he was still upset over something they had argued about. Ryll wondered if Arthur was this easy to get along with when he wasn't being so polite.

"Tomorrow then, if you're up to it," Arthur said decisively.

"I will be," Ryll promised.

…

She was dressed shortly after dawn, carrying her bow out to the courtyard where she met Arthur. He greeted her cordially and led her out to the training field where Merlin had set up two targets. He stood to the side while Ryll and Arthur shot.

Arthur was good, she'd give him that, but she was better. Ryll's arrows formed a tight circle around the center of the target, their white-feathered fletchings standing out against the bright gold. She raised the bow once more to fire her last arrow, pulling the string back to her jaw, fitting her thumb under the jawbone, and focusing in on the target. She took a breath and then exhaled slowly as she released. The arrow made a satisfying 'thwump' as it hit the target, embedding itself in her already tight circle of arrows.

"_Where_ did you learn to shoot like that?" Arthur asked incredulously as his arrow hit just outside the bulls eye. "I mean, I've practically been training from birth, but I'm not that good."

Ryll turned to survey him, smirking slightly. "I guess you could call it a gift," she replied.

"I guess." Arthur looked at her in both confusion and astonishment.

Merlin ran forward to pull out Arthur's arrows, handing them back to him. Arthur's eyes didn't leave Ryll's. Merlin then turned to pull hers out.

"I'll do that," she said, turning away from Arthur and helping Merlin pull out the arrows, showing him how to place his index and middle finger around where the arrow had embedded itself in the target and wiggle it out with the other hand.

"Thanks," Merlin told her quietly.

"Arthur doesn't seem to appreciate you much. I didn't realize you were his servant," Ryll said softly.

"Ah, he's not that bad. He's just a bit unappreciative," Merlin replied.

"Merlin, hurry up!" Arthur yelled, looking impatient.

Merlin rolled his eyes toward Ryll. "Make that _very_ unappreciative."

Ryll smiled, talking her arrows from him and going back to where Arthur stood. "Best two out of three?" she asked. She could see the spark of competitiveness in his blue eyes. A slight breeze had picked up, tossing his blonde hair and her golden hair. She knew the wind would work to her advantage as she drew back the bow, calculating the wind current and aiming slightly to the right. When she released, the arrow went slightly to the left as she had predicted, but hit the center of the target once more while Arthur's hit further to the left. They continued to shoot another two rounds, Ryll winning both, before they pulled their arrows out and unstrung their bows – or rather Arthur handed his off to Merlin while Ryll unstrung her own.

"I don't seem to stand a chance against you," Arthur said appraisingly.

Ryll smiled demurely. "I'm sure your highness is quite accomplished in many other things."

Arthur smiled. "I suppose you're going to tell me you can handle a sword next."

"Well, yes, actually. I had to learn to defend myself. But I'm sure I'd be no match for your highness."

They headed back to the castle, Merlin's arms full of Arthur's bow and arrows. Ryll carried her own. The white stone sides of the castle shone brightly in the afternoon sunlight, and Ryll took in the glorious sight. It was so different from what she remembered of her childhood village. Those were vague memories, but they consisted of ramshackle buildings, starving people, bandits, beggars, and thieves. She'd had to learn how to fend for herself after her parents died when she was seven. She'd been taught how to use a bow at the age of eight and how to wield a sword at the age of ten. It had been a rough life, but Ryll felt safe for the first time in a long time.

"We should have a look at that wound again. Just to make sure it's healing alright," Merlin told her as they entered the castle. Ryll felt a jab in her heart.

"Right, good idea." She thought back to when she had checked on her wound earlier and found it fully healed. What would Gaius say? He'd probably accuse her of sorcery. "Can _you_ just check it?" she asked. "It's just, I don't want to bother Gaius."

Merlin looked at her, his eyes suspicious, but he nodded. "Sure."

"Merlin, after you're done with that, remember to wash my red jacket for the knighting tomorrow and polish my armor for next week's tournament. I want to be able to see my reflection in it."

"Yes, sire," Merlin said begrudgingly.

"And be quick about it. We don't want you lazing around on the job again." Arthur turned to Ryll. "This was enjoyable. Perhaps we can do it another time."

"I'd like that." Ryll smiled. She watched as Arthur walked away.

"What do you think of Arthur?" Merlin asked Ryll as they headed toward her room. His tone was casual, but his eyes glinted with curiosity.

Ryll narrowed her own eyes. "He seems nice enough, but he obviously enjoys bossing other people around." She eyed Merlin. "I'm not sure we'd get along very well further than a few archery sessions."

"He's not all that bad. He's got a good heart. He'll do anything to save someone's life without thought of himself. He's saved my life before."

"He's a knight though, that's what they do," Ryll replied.

"He's more than that."

"Why are trying to make me like him so much?" Ryll asked, stopping and turning to face Merlin. She narrowed her eyes.

He just grinned at her. "No reason." She couldn't help but smile a little.

"Fine, let's get that wound checked." She nervously led Merlin to her room. What would he say when he saw it was fully healed without a mark? Could she just play innocent? Pretend she had no idea how it had healed so quickly? Well, that was the truth at least.

When they reached the door, she hesitated for a moment and then turned to Merlin. He stopped short, casting her a confused look. "What if something happened to you that you couldn't explain?" she asked before she could stop herself, her words sounding breathless in the deserted corridor. Merlin's blue eyes narrowed slightly, but Ryll pressed on. "I mean, what would you do if you didn't know what was happening to you?" She bit her lip. Now she was just speaking in circles.

"Well, I suppose I'd try to figure out what was happening," he replied after a pause. "Is this something you could tell me about?"

Ryll hesitated, wanting so badly to trust someone. Merlin seemed sweet and trustworthy, but Ryll didn't know how to breach the subject. "Just check my wound for me, please. You'll see what I'm talking about." Merlin blinked, but nodded without saying anything. His joking demeanor was gone as Ryll led him into her room.

She sat on the bed and lifted the bottom of her tunic slightly so that Merlin could unwind the bandage. "Sorry," he said apologetically as his fingers brushed her skin.

"You're just being helpful, you don't have to apologize," Ryll assured him. His fingers were cold against her skin though he tried to gingerly remove the bandage without touching her. As the last strip of bandage fell away, Ryll watched Merlin's expression change to shock.

"That _is_ where the wound was, right?" he asked.

"There's nothing there," Ryll whispered. "I don't know why or how. I didn't do anything. You've got to believe me. I know how Uther feels about sorcerers."

Something flashed behind Merlin's eyes, but it was gone after a second. "I'm sure it's nothing. If you were a sorcerer, you'd be aware of it," he assured her. "Gaius has some really good remedies, and you obviously heal very quickly." Ryll nodded, not quite believing him. But what else _could_ she believe?

"You're right," she found herself agreeing. Merlin's blue eyes met hers from where he knelt.

"Don't worry. We'll just get rid of the bandage. If you're still concerned, just tell everyone you're still healing."

"Alright." Ryll paused for a second. "Merlin, if there really is more to this, you will tell me, won't you?" she asked.

"Of course."

She smiled hesitantly. "I feel like I can trust you," she said to him.

"I hope so," he answered. There was a silence that stretched on for a moment, and then Merlin stood. "I suppose I should go see to Arthur's armor," he said, pointing toward the door.

"Yes, wouldn't want to unbalance things with Arthur," Ryll said, smirking slightly. "What were you arguing about before dinner last night?" she asked on a whim.

"What makes you think we were arguing?" Merlin asked.

"Just the expressions on your faces."

"Oh, he was just upset because I accidentally shrunk one of his favorite jackets when I was washing it."

"Oh." Ryll stared at him for a moment before laughing.

"He didn't think it was very funny," Merlin said, grinning.

Ryll snorted. "I doubt it."

"I'll see you later," Merlin told her, heading toward the door.

Ryll smiled at him, watching him leave. She ran her fingers over where the wound had been. Whatever Merlin had told her and whatever he would wish her to believe, she knew that something had happened after the arrow had pierced her. Something dangerous. She pulled down her tunic and lay back on the bed, memories crashing down upon her like freshly churned waves. Sometimes no matter how hard you tried to hide from something, it always had a way of creeping back. If her secret were to be discovered, there was no doubt in her mind that Uther would have her executed. Shutting her eyes, Ryll pushed away the memories, locking them deep inside of her.


	3. Nightmares

-3-

_The sense of sorrow that washed over Ryll was unquenchable. She shifted in her sleep, her lips formed in a frown, her long, golden tresses tangled across her face. She was remembering. It was always when the barriers around her mind broke down and let in the waves of sleep that she remembered. But these were no good memories. They were best forgotten and kept locked away deep inside of her. Images of her parents flickered through her mind. They were ill, dying. She couldn't do anything to help them. The pestilence within her village was out of control, raging throughout households and wiping out entire families. But it wouldn't touch Ryll. She watched while everyone died around her, leaving her alone. She remembered walking through the village, tears running down her dirty cheeks, looking around at the broken down doors and smelling the stench of death. Her feet carried her out of the village, away from all she had known. Away from what had taken everything she had ever known away from her. _

_She came to a forest that wanted to swallow her whole. The blackness crept forward, trying to crush the very life from her. She felt her heartbeat quicken. A sudden wind blew her hair back, bringing with it the sound of screaming. Ryll stumbled backwards away from the forest, but the trees were already around her, grabbing her hair and pulling and scratching her from every which way. Ryll screamed and screamed, but they wouldn't let go. _

"_Ryll, Amaryllis!" She heard her name being called from somewhere beyond. The darkness lifted, and she awoke to find two scared faces watching her. _

Ryll awoke to find both Merlin and Morgana looking at her with utmost worry. Morgana sat on the edge of her bed, a robe pulled over her nightgown. Her blue eyes were clouded with worry, her face pale. Merlin hovered behind her, his face dark in thought.

"You were screaming in your sleep," Morgana told her.

"I'm sorry to have woken you," Ryll said, embarrassed.

"Not at all," Morgana said. "I have nightmares all the time, so I know how you feel."

"I was just passing by," Merlin put in. "Gaius can fix something for you to help stop the nightmares."

"That's alright. I don't want to be a bother to anyone," Ryll said absently, her thoughts still twisted around the nightmare. "I just can't stop dreaming about my parents dying," she whispered, embarrassed by the sudden tears that had sprung into her eyes. She felt Morgana take her hand and squeeze it.

"It's alright," she said softly. "You're safe, and it's all just a bad memory."

Ryll felt a sob working its way up her throat. "I'm sorry," she choked, looking from Morgana to Merlin. Merlin stepped forward, sitting next to her and putting an arm around her shoulder.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said.

Despite her tears, Ryll smiled. "I'm lucky to have found such friends," she said.

"Will you be alright?" Morgana asked. "I could stay for awhile if you'd like."

"No, don't worry. You should get some sleep."

Morgana nodded. "If you're alright."

"I'll be fine." Morgana smiled reassuringly before heading back to her own room. Merlin stood as well, but Ryll called him back. "Merlin." He stopped, turning back to her.

"Yes?"

"Just…." Ryll hesitated. "Nothing, just thank you." For now she knew she should keep her nightmares to herself. She didn't understand what they meant. She knew they were memories, but how accurate they were, she did not know. In her waking state, it was as if her childhood memories had been wiped clean, but in her dreams, everything started to come back to her as if she had tucked the memories so far down in her subconscious that they could be reached no other way.

"You're welcome. Let me know if you change your mind about the sleep tonic."

"I will, thank you, Merlin." She smiled at him as he left, shutting her door behind him.

Ryll lay back down, shutting her eyes and letting sleep wash over her once more. Her dreams did not plague her mind again, and she slept until the sun rose in the eastern sky, setting the sky ablaze. She heard movement and sat up to see Gwen delivering a new dress for her to wear.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you," she said apologetically.

"Of course not, Gwen."

"I've brought you another dress. Morgana doesn't wear it much anymore. She thought you might like it and offered to buy you new dresses so you don't have to wear her old ones."

"Oh, no, these are beautiful. I don't need anything nicer than this." Ryll got out of bed to admire the silky light green dress.

"Would you like me to help you dress?" Gwen asked.

"No, thank you," Ryll said, smiling at the girl. She'd never been asked that before, but she could manage on her own and didn't want to waste Gwen's time.

"Morgana said she'd meet you outside her room for breakfast in ten minutes," Gwen told her before turning to leave. "She said your meeting with Uther went well."

"He was very cordial to me. I've heard of his reputation for being a difficult king though. I just hope I can stay on his good side."

"Uther is quick to judge and even quicker to punish, but he is a good king. I don't think you could ever do anything to upset him."

"You're right, of course." Her words felt false, but she smiled at Gwen until the girl shut the door behind her. Hurrying to dress, Ryll met Morgana outside of her room a few minutes later.

"How are you this morning?" Morgana asked, leading Ryll down to the dining hall.

"Every day I feel better," Ryll replied. "It's wonderful waking up and feeling safe. I haven't felt that way in a long time."

Morgana frowned. "I'm sorry for that. You're welcome here as long as you want to stay."

"Thank you." Ryll thought back to her long journey to Camelot. She'd never imagined being welcomed as a personal guest as the king. So far everything about the kingdom far surpassed her expectations.

The dining hall was empty, and Morgana explained that Uther usually ate in his room and Arthur was off taking care of some business in the lower town. "Would you care to take a ride this afternoon and get out of the castle for a little while? I've asked some guards to accompany us."

"I'd like that. I can bring my bow just in case."

"Your horse is in the stables," Morgana told her as they started in on breakfast. "Arthur assures me that Merlin has been taking good care of her."

"I thought Merlin was Arthur's servant. Is he a stable boy too?" Ryll cocked an eyebrow, her annoyance for Arthur growing.

"Merlin does everything for Arthur. Arthur can't be bothered to do anything for himself." Ryll could hear the derision in Morgana's words.

"He does seem to like bossing people around."

"He and Uther both. Arthur's like a well-trained dog around his father. Always following orders whether he believes it to be right or not."

"You don't agree with them then?"

"Not usually. Uther would have everyone with magic executed. But I don't believe all sorcerers are evil. There is some good force behind magic. I do not believe that all those who possess it are evil. Uther will not see this though. Right before you came here, I had an argument with him about a woman he had arrested for witchcraft. She didn't do anything, but just because she was under suspicion, he had her executed."

"That does seem harsh."

"He thinks if he doesn't enforce his laws so harshly, people will disobey him. He puts them in their place with fear. I know Arthur doesn't always agree with his father, but he doesn't have the backbone to say so."

"I suppose he does what he thinks is right and that is to follow his father's orders." Ryll decided she would be cautious around both Arthur and Uther. It would do no good to cast any suspicion upon herself whether she was guilty for anything or not.

"Enough of this talk, let's get some fresh air. Sometimes I feel so stifled in this castle."

Morgana waited for Ryll to retrieve her bow and then led her out to the stables where a stable boy saddled their horses. Four guards awaited them at the gates, two leading and two following behind them, giving the two girls a little space. They rode at a slow canter, Ryll enjoying the feel of wind on her face and in her hair, breathing in deeply. The sight of the forest was a welcome sight. Where the castle felt both enormous and stifling, the forest felt safe and open. The dew still clung in tiny droplets to the tips of leaves, brushing against her face as they rode into the calm forest. Morgana spoke a little of her upbringing, mentioning that her father had been killed in battle and that her mother had died when she was young. She had been Uther's ward for some time, and though she sometimes despised him for his actions, he treated her well and like a daughter.

"You're lucky to have him," Ryll told her. "Despite his faults, he's still there."

"That's true. I'm sorry that your parents died. How terrible to grow up without them."

"It was difficult, but I've learned how to survive on my own."

"It's important to know how to take care of yourself," Morgana agreed. "I've been trained to handle a sword. You never know in Camelot when your life is going to be threatened. Speaking of which, how is your wound?"

"Much better." Ryll put a hand to where the bandage was wound around her middle. "I can barely feel any pain." She hated to lie to Morgana, but she could see no good coming from telling her the miraculous truth about her wound.

"And your nightmare? Did it return?"

"No, thankfully."

"If you have more nightmares, you really should see Gaius. His remedies don't always work, but they can chase away the nightmares and help you to sleep."

"You suffer from nightmares too then?"

"Yes, I have for as long as I can remember. Sometimes-" she hesitated for a moment before going on, her words coming out quickly as if she needed to get them out in the open. "Sometimes it seems as if what I dream comes true."

"Like a prediction?"

"Yes," Morgana breathed, her eyes darting to the guards.

"Have you spoken to anyone about this?"

"I've told Gaius, but he just tells me that they're nightmares, nothing more. I'm not so sure though. But if Uther were to find out…." The rest of her words were left unspoken, but Ryll didn't need to ask what she meant.

"Then you'd best keep it to yourself," she said quietly. She felt the need to tell her own secret. But she had so many. "You can trust me with your secret," was all she said though.

"It feels so good to confide in someone," Morgana said, her tone thankful.

"It must be hard keeping that to yourself. But I wouldn't worry. It could be coincidence. Or even if you do have strong intuition, that doesn't make it magic."

"That's true, but would Uther see it that way?"

Ryll frowned. "Perhaps not."

"That is why I keep my nightmares a secret." Morgana glanced cautiously at the surrounding guards, her voice hushed in the quiet forest.

They fell silent as they continued to ride, each lost to her own thoughts. Ryll suddenly realized it was too quiet like it had been the day she rescued Morgana. They had ridden deep into the forest by now, and the horses grew restless. Ryll's own chestnut mare was well-trained and could sense danger from a distance. She now tossed her head, ears flicking in every direction as if she heard something the others could not.

"Maybe we should-" Ryll had been about to say 'turn back,' but her words were cut off when an inhuman scream came from somewhere within the woods. Ryll's horse threw up her head, her hooves skidding on the ground, as she stopped short.

"What is it?" Morgana asked.

As if in answer, an animal came charging through the trees, stopping short a few yards away. It had the head of a bull, the body of a lion, and the talons of a bird. Ryll had never seen such a beast before. It threw up its head, snorting angrily. Ryll's eyes widened, and her horse backed away. The guards had drawn their swords, but they looked as frightened as Ryll felt. The beast let out another scream, pawing at the ground with its lion paw. His horns looked lethal as it aimed them straight toward the small party of riders.

Ryll notched an arrow to her bow. "We need to get out of here," she said quietly, trying not to anger the beast anymore. She aimed the arrow at the beast, waiting for it to make a move. Before anyone could do anything though, the beast charged, coming straight at them. Ryll's arrow sped through the air, embedding itself in the beast's chest. It staggered, but did not stop. Ryll notched two more arrows, releasing both within a second. The beast tripped, but kept coming.

"Run!" Ryll screamed. They turned their horses, sending them galloping back down the pathway. Ryll could feel the ground vibrating beneath the creature's paws. Her horse had its ears laid flat against its head, her sides heaving with the effort of running so quickly. It seemed like ages passed until Ryll could finally see a spot of light up ahead where the forest ended. She looked back to see that the ferocious beast was still after them, blood seeping from around the arrows embedded in its chest. Morgana and the guards had moved ahead of her, and Ryll turned back to catch up to them. A low hanging branch caught her by surprise, catching her in the head and throwing her backwards off her horse. She hit the ground hard, stars bursting before her eyes. Something in her screamed at her to get up, but she lay dazed. When her vision finally cleared, she saw a lion's paw reach toward her, clawing at her side and pulling her toward it. Two deep red eyes peered angrily down at her from the bull's head. The horns looked deadly. The claws pierced her skin, and Ryll screamed, unable to bite back the pain. For a moment she thought she was dead. The creature raised a paw, claws unsheathed, and readied itself to take a strike at Ryll. She shut her eyes and waited for the pain to come.


	4. The Humbata

-4-

"The guards reported unusual sounds coming from the forest," Arthur said to Merlin as the two headed toward the courtyard. Just a few moments ago, Uther had given the request that Arthur take some of the knights of Camelot to investigate the sound. Merlin stumbled after him, carrying Arthur's sword and shield.

"Well take your time," Arthur said impatiently, throwing Merlin an exasperated look.

"Coming." Merlin resituated the sword, dropping the shield in the process. It rolled a few feet before coming to a wobbling halt on its side. "Got it." Merlin grabbed the shield.

"You are completely hopeless," Arthur put in, pulling the sword out of Merlin's grasp and buckling it around his waist over his chain mail. His horse was already saddled along with another for Merlin. Arthur mounted swiftly, reaching down to take the shield from Merlin. Merlin scrambled onto his own horse, feeling unprepared next to the knights with their billowing red capes and long broadswords. Well, not _entirely_ unprepared, but he would save his magic for a last resort and when no one was watching.

They set off, leaving Camelot behind and riding out into the sun. It felt hot and itchy against the back of Merlin's head, and he tugged at the scarf tied loosely around his neck.

"What exactly did the guards hear?" he asked Arthur, pushing his horse to catch up to the prince.

"It was a sort of screaming, but definitely animal. They didn't know what to make of it."

"So possibly dangerous?"

"Probably," Arthur replied grimly.

"But it won't stand a chance against you," Merlin said. "I mean, you're the best knight Camelot's got. Whatever it is, you'll either kill it or scare it away."

"Merlin, will you shut up?" Arthur said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry, I was just trying to look on the bright side." Merlin frowned, watching as Arthur bit back a retort. It looked as if he was having trouble not yelling at Merlin.

Before Arthur could think up a response, however, they entered the forest, following the pathway. The forest was very still, Merlin noticed. Under the hoof beats, he could hear no birds singing. The silence was split suddenly by an unearthly screaming. It sounded part animal, part human. "What _is_ that?" Merlin asked, eyes widening.

"Don't be a coward, Merlin," Arthur told him, rolling his eyes and drawing his sword. Then they heard screaming, this time human. "Come on!" Arthur pushed his horse into a gallop, wielding his sword in his right hand. The screaming continued and was met with thundering hooves. Four guards and Morgana appeared, riding hard. They came to a halt when they saw Arthur. Morgana looked around, her skin pale, and her mouth opened slightly in terror.

"Where's Ryll?" she asked breathlessly. "She was right behind me!"

Merlin heard a scream from down the path. "Go get help!" Arthur told her before kicking his horse into a gallop. Merlin followed close behind. They pulled their horses to a halt when they saw the beast before them. It was nothing like anything Merlin had ever seen. It had the head of a bull, long, deadly looking horns and all, and the body of a lion as well as the talons of what looked like a vulture. It turned piercing red eyes on them, and Merlin looked down to see a small huddled figure, half buried under the creature's powerful paw. Claws had drawn blood, he could see.

"Ryll."

Arthur vaulted off the horse, brandishing his sword. He swung at the beast, who promptly let go of Ryll. Merlin rushed forward to drag the girl out of harms way. The creature batted a huge paw at Arthur who ducked, narrowly avoiding the blow. He managed to slice a line down the creature's thick front leg, but this only angered it. It lashed out, catching Arthur hard in the chest and sending him flying backwards into a tree. Ryll scrambled to her feet, shaking perceivably, but standing tall. Arthur lay unconscious, and Merlin saw that Ryll's bow lay out of reach. The beast turned its red eyes onto Ryll and him. Before he could act, the other knights stormed into the clearing, charging the beast. It screamed and lashed out, knocking several knights off their horses. Two landed in front of Merlin and Ryll, their eyes dead, their necks broken. Ryll gasped, clutching at Merlin's arm. Then she leaned forward and picked up one of the swords, brandishing it with a shaking hand. She handed the other to Merlin.

"Can you fight?" she asked, her blue eyes catching his. He gulped.

"Sort of."

"That will have to be good enough," she said softly, sounding much calmer than he felt. Three more knights were down leaving four. Ryll ran forward, sword aimed straight for the beast. It was distracted by the knights and did not see her coming. With a tremendous jab, Ryll pushed the sword into the beast's chest. It screamed, throwing up its head and knocking the knights back with its horns. They fell, unconscious, leaving Ryll alone to face it. Merlin looked around, hoping that help would come. But Morgana would not make it back to the castle in time. Merlin stepped forward. The sword had penetrated the beast, but he was still very much alive. Ryll stepped back, searching for a weapon. Taking advantage of the distraction, Merlin reached a hand forward uttering a spell under his breath. The sword twisted deeper into the beast until it staggered forward and fell, dead.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked Ryll. She spun around.

"Is it dead?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

"I think so." Merlin prodded it with his boot.

"Did you kill it?" Ryll asked, wide-eyed.

"No, you did that." Ryll narrowed her eyes but seemed to accept that explanation. "You're brave, you know that?"

"You're not so bad yourself." She smiled at him.

"Well, I didn't really do anything."

"You didn't run." She looked around at the fallen guards. "It took its toll," she said softly.

"Arthur!" Merlin remembered the prince, running over to where he had fallen, Ryll at his side. The girl knelt down beside him, touching Arthur's shoulder. He stirred.

"Merlin." He opened his eyes, looking quite groggy at first and then alert as he remembered the battle he had been fighting before losing consciousness. "The beast?" He sat up, wincing and putting a hand to his head.

"Dead," Merlin told him. "Ryll killed it."

Arthur looked over at the girl. She looked scared and bedraggled, her left arm soaked in blood from a deep cut. "You did?" he sounded half astonished, half admiring.

"I guess so," Ryll said modestly. "It killed a lot of your knights though. I'm sorry for that."

Arthur rose with the help of Merlin, and looked at the devastation. The beast lay in the center of it, a sword protruding from its chest. Three of the knights stirred, but the others lay still. An expression of pain washed over Arthur's face, but he turned to Ryll. "Thank you. More lives could have been taken if not for your bravery."

Ryll bowed her head. "I could not stand by and watch it kill you or your knights." She swayed slightly on her feet, and Merlin caught her by the arm.

"Are you alright?" he asked anxiously.

"The blood…." she whispered. "I've lost too much blood." Her eyes fluttered shut, and she fell slack. Merlin caught her.

"We need to get her back to Gaius," he told Arthur.

"I'll carry her. You ride back and tell the king what has happened."

Merlin nodded, mounting his horse and riding back toward Camelot.

…

Ryll blinked her eyes open, unsure of where she was. The first thing she was aware of was that the room she lay in was dim, lit by candles. The second thing she noticed was the intense pain on her left arm. She cried out, putting her right hand gingerly on her left arm and feeling a bandage.

"You might not want to move just yet," came a familiar voice. Ryll tried to piece together everything. She remembered the beast and fighting it off and then losing consciousness from loss of blood and falling – oh no – into Merlin's arms. The voice belonged to Arthur, and she would bet her life that he carried her back to the castle. Embarrassment rushed up to her cheeks.

"I passed out, didn't I?" she asked. She turned her head and saw that Arthur was sitting next to her, still in his armor and looking both bruised and battered. His hands were covered in her blood though she could tell he had tried to wash some of it off.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed. You lost a lot of blood, _and _you saved my life. You did kill a giant beast after all."

Ryll cracked a smile. "True. I guess that counts for something."

Arthur smiled crookedly at her, his blue eyes curious as they surveyed her. "I've never met a girl who was willing to jump into battle with a giant beast without much thought to her own life."

"Well, I can honestly say this was a first – I mean, I've never come across a beast like that before. The scariest I've fought is rats in a cellar." She grimaced at her own joke.

"Merlin told me how brave you were."

"I didn't think I'd killed it, but I guess I had." Ryll frowned, thinking back. She had stabbed it, yes, but it had been coming back at her. She had been searching for some weapon. Merlin had been there. Had he really done something and let her take the credit? She didn't know what to think.

"Gaius says your wound should be healed soon. It wasn't as deep as it looked."

Ryll looked down at her arm. Already the pain was beginning to subside. She had a feeling it would be completely healed by tomorrow. "Let's hope so," she said. "Where is Gaius? And Merlin?" she asked, noticing their absence.

"Gaius is tending to the knights who were injured. Merlin's helping. I said I'd watch you until you woke up."

"You didn't have to do that." Ryll blushed.

"I wanted to. You saved my life. Making sure you were alright was the least I could do."

Ryll looked over at him, her initial opinion of him swiftly changing. He might come off as arrogant and ungrateful on the outside, but on the inside, he was honorable, and he obviously cared deeply for the lives of others.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me," she said softly.

"I guess I should go speak with my father. He'll want to know the whole story." Arthur stood.

"Yes, of course. Thanks again, Arthur, for everything." He nodded, sparing one last glance at her before leaving. Ryll closed her eyes again, letting weariness wash over her. She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew, she heard voices.

"Do you know what kind of beast that was?" It was Merlin, and Ryll supposed he was speaking to Gaius.

"I think I know. I've been looking in all my books and came across something that looks like what you described." There was a shuffling of pages. "A humbata has the head of a bull, the body of a lion, and the talons of a vulture," Gaius told him. "It's a mythological creature that is fierce and independent. It will try to defend its territory at all costs. There are a few accounts of sightings, but no one has ever had such a close encounter. Usually they live deep within forests out of sight. They do sometimes travel in pairs. You didn't see another one did you?"

"No, there was definitely just one," Merlin replied.

"It is said that only magic can kill them," Gaius continued, his voice lowering at these words.

"I think the legend is wrong because Ryll definitely killed it. With a sword. I didn't have anything to do with it. No one did."

There was a pause. "You don't think she-"

"I'm not sure," Gaius replied. Ryll's heart jolted. Were they suggesting that _she _had used magic? Surely not! All she had done was force the sword into the beast's chest. "It's probably nothing."

"I'm sure it is. All she did was stab it," Merlin's voice edged on panic though he tried to disguise it. Ryll could picture Gaius giving him a stern look. They fell silent, and Ryll thought it safe to pretend to wake up. She stirred, opening her eyes and trying to sit up. She felt hands on her back, and Merlin was there, helping her to sit up. Ryll looked up at him gratefully, finding that it hurt too much to put pressure on her left arm.

"Thank you."

He smiled. "I'm glad you're okay. Arthur told me he spoke to you earlier. He was pretty impressed with you." His smile spread into a grin.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ryll asked.

"Just that. I wasn't implying anything. He's just, you know, impressed with how brave you were."

Ryll refused to tell him just how happy that suddenly made her, but she couldn't hold back the blush that colored her cheeks. This made Merlin grin even more. Ryll shoved him with her good arm. "You _are_ implying something." Merlin just grinned, stepping out of her range. "Is Morgana alright?" Ryll asked, changing the subject.

Merlin nodded. "She went back to the castle for help. She tried to ride back with the knights, but Uther refused for her own safety. She was livid. She wanted to make sure you were alright. She was in earlier when you were unconscious."

"I've got to go into town for awhile to tend a family. Fever has broken out in their household again," Gaius said, interrupting their conversation. "Merlin, check to make sure the wound isn't infected," he nodded toward Ryll's arm.

"I will." Merlin waited until Gaius was gone before beginning to carefully unwind Ryll's bandage. Before he could uncover the wound, Ryll caught his hand, pressing her own over his. He looked up at her, confused.

"Wait. What if it's like the last one?" she asked, frightened at the possibility. "What if it's already healed?"

"I guess we'll find out. Don't worry; you're safe. I would never tell anyone," Merlin reassured her. Ryll nodded, releasing his hand and allowing him to continue unwinding the bandage. She breathed in sharply at what she saw. Three deep wounds ran down her arm. They had been stitched up, but her arm was red and covered in dry blood. It wasn't healed in the least. She felt woozy at the sight and looked away. "It's not healed at all," she said.

"Maybe last time was just a fluke," Merlin suggested.

"Do you really believe that?"

"What else could it be?" Merlin looked up, frowning for a minute and looking at her neck. "What happened to your necklace?" he asked. Ryll put her right hand up to her neck. The silver chain holding the ring was gone.

"It must have fallen off in the forest. It was my mother's." She felt a stab of sorrow. "I can't believe it's gone."

"I'll find it," Merlin promised.

"I want to come with you." Ryll started to get out of bed, but Merlin put a hand on her shoulder to hold her back.

"You need to rest," he told her.

"I've been resting all day. I can't sit still any longer," she pleaded with him. "Just rebandage my wound, and I'll be fine."

Merlin deliberated for a moment. "Alright, but Gaius will kill me if anything happens to aggravate your wound. We don't have much sunlight left. Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"No, it might be really lost by then." Ryll knew she was being unreasonable, but something told her she needed to find the necklace and soon. She didn't know how to explain it to Merlin, but he didn't question her further. He cleaned her wound, throwing Ryll a sympathetic look when she cringed in pain. He changed the bandage, tying it off and standing to wash her blood off his hands. Ryll stood, swaying a little. Merlin caught her, steadying her before letting go.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

Ryll smiled forcibly. "Let's go."


	5. The Healing Ring

_Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Student teaching is sucking away all my time. But I'm trying to schedule in time to write, I promise! Thank you for reading!_

-5-

After she was mounted on her chestnut mare, Ryll began to realize how silly this quest of hers was. Her arm had hurt so badly that Merlin had been forced to practically lift her into the saddle. Ryll felt helpless, a feeling she did not much like. Merlin had mounted a deep bay horse with quite a bit more ease than Ryll. They made their way out of the castle gates as the setting sun began to spill orange and red streaks into the sky. They pushed their horses into a canter, heading straight towards the forest. They were silent as they rode, Ryll's eyes set on the path before them, looking for any hint of silver. She felt Merlin's eyes on her periodically and could imagine his questioning expression, dark eyebrows lifted and blue eyes dark and quizzical. She ignored him, keeping her eyes firmly on the path. They had traveled nearly to the place where the beast had attacked them, when Merlin suddenly pulled back on the reins, bringing his horse to a halt.

Ryll turned her eyes to him, throwing him a questioning look. "What? Why'd you stop?" she asked, feeling impatient at the delay. Something she couldn't explain told her it was imperative she find her ring.

"I thought I heard something," he replied, eyes dark as he surveyed the forest.

Ryll, too, looked around, her ears and eyes alert for anything that might be watching them. After a moment, a feeling of being watched crept over her. She turned to gaze behind her, but could see nothing. "Come on. The sooner we find my ring, the quicker we can leave the forest," she urged Merlin, touching her heels to her horse and walking on. He trailed after her, eyes intent on the forest.

They reached the spot where they had been attacked, and Ryll saw something silver gleaming in the undergrowth. "My ring!" she dismounted and untangled the silver chain from around a spiky bush. When her fingers brushed the ring itself, she felt a pulse spread through her, tingling down her arm like a current. She absently placed a hand on her injured arm. It no longer hurt. A revelation came over her, and she looked down at the ring. "Merlin, I think-" She was cut off by a horrid screeching that came from the woods. She whirled around just in time to see a second beast similar to the first charging toward them. This one was smaller and did not have antlers but looked just as deadly.

"Gaius warned me they traveled in pairs!" Merlin shouted to Ryll. "Come on, we need to get out of here!"

Ryll quickly clasped her necklace around her neck and leapt onto her horse. She could hear the beating of the horses' hooves in her ears and feel it under her skin. It was as if time slowed as she leaned low over her horse, hearing the beast screaming behind them.

"We can't just lead it back to Camelot!" Ryll cried out to Merlin.

"I don't have a sword!" he shouted back.

Ryll had her bow though. She quickly drew two arrows, keeping her legs tight around her horse so as not to lose her balance. She twisted around in the saddle and aimed straight at the beast. The arrows hit right in the center of the chest. The creature faltered, but did not stop. Ryll notched another arrow, drawing the bow back to her jawbone and aiming lower this time, at the beast's front leg. It struck just above the knee. Another arrow embedded itself in the other leg and the creature went down. Ryll wheeled her horse around. Merlin shouted after her, but she rode back to the beast, two more arrows drawn. She aimed these straight at its head, releasing them before the beast had a chance to get up.

"Is it dead?" Merlin asked, riding up to her.

"I think so," Ryll said, dismounting and approaching the creature. Something in her warned her to stay back, but she had to make sure it wasn't going to come after them again. She belt down beside it, studying its glassy eyes. "It's-"

Without warning, the beast blinked, raising its head one last time to retaliate. How it was still alive, Ryll could not imagine, but she did not have time to move. The beast showed a row of fangs heading straight toward Ryll. Something flashed past her, and then the beast was dead. It happened so quickly, Ryll did not understand what had happened.

"Are you alright?" Merlin was at her side. He knelt next to her, and she looked at him with wide eyes.

"I thought it was dead," was all she could whisper.

"It should have been."

"How did you? I mean, _what_ did you do?" Ryll stumbled over her words. She found she was shaking. Merlin put an arm around her.

"Nothing. I mean, not much. It was already mostly dead. I think it just died before it could attack you." He scrambled with his words, and Ryll narrowed her eyes.

"There is something more to you than meets the eyes, Merlin," she said. She had suspicions that grew in the back of her mind, but she did not voice them. "You can trust me," she said softly.

"I know I can," he said after a moment's hesitation. "But really, it was nothing. I didn't do anything."

Ryll did not press him further, unsure of the truth. Instead, she got to her feet and pulled Merlin into a hug. "Whatever you did, thank you," she said quietly. He seemed surprised, but pulled her closer to him. When she pulled away, she saw relief in his eyes. She knew he was hiding something, but she also knew that he would tell her when he was ready.

The sun had all but faded from the sky, and they mounted quickly, heading back to Camelot. Their shadows disappeared as they blended in with the night, quickly casting Camelot as a ghost against the night sky. They rode through the gates and into the courtyard where an angry looking Arthur stood. Ryll could hardly suppress a smile as Merlin's face turned to an expression of horror. He was in for a chewing out, she was sure. Before Arthur could do more than open his mouth, Ryll spoke up.

"I lost my mother's ring in the forest earlier. It means a lot to me. It's the only thing I have left of her. I asked Merlin to come with me into the forest. He was only looking out for me." She looked pleadingly down at Arthur whose expression did not soften.

"You could have been hurt," he said, his eyes clouding over with anger. "Who knows whether or not there's another one of those beasts roaming around out there."

"Oh, well…." Merlin trailed off as Ryll cast him a glower.

"We didn't think of that, Arthur. I'm sorry. I did not meant to cause you worry." Ryll felt suddenly ashamed. She never meant to burden anyone. Of course people would worry if she just disappeared. She stopped at this thought. How long it had been since anyone had worried about her. To know that Arthur cared meant more to her than Ryll could ever voice.

Arthur's eyes softened at her words and he held out a hand to her. She took it, dismounting easily. "Is your arm feeling better?" Arthur asked, furrowing his brow. Ryll realized she had taken his hand with her injured arm which no longer hurt.

"It hurts a bit," she said, pulling it protectively toward her body.

"You should get some rest." He turned to Merlin. "I'd like to talk to you," he said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Don't get him in trouble because of me," Ryll asked, placing a hand on Arthur's arm.

Arthur cast Merlin an annoyed glance. "At least you kept her safe," he finally said.

"Which I didn't need," Ryll said stiffly. Arthur looked down at her bandaged arm, and she blushed. "Alright, maybe a little."

"Just don't go off into the forest alone, alright? I'm going out tomorrow with some knights to make sure there isn't any more of them out there."

Merlin and Ryll exchanged glances. "Right, we'll I'm off then," Merlin said.

"Wait a minute. I _still_ need my armor polished, or had you forgotten?" Arthur said, detaining Merlin.

"I had forgotten. I'm sorry."

"Oh, that's alright. Why don't you just worry about it later. I can just go to the ceremony dressed like this." He motioned to his tunic and brown coat. Hardly fit for a ceremony.

"Good idea." Merlin seemed to like that idea.

"In fact, why don't you just take the rest of the week off. There's not really anything else I need you to do." Sarcasm dripped from Arthur's words.

"That is a great idea." Merlin grinned at him.

"Maybe when I have some time, _I_ could do_ your_ chores," Arthur continued.

"Okay, now you're just teasing me."

"No. I don't know what gives you that idea." Arthur stepped forward and gave Merlin a soft slap to the head before turning to head back into the castle. Merlin rubbed his temple before following after him.

"I'll see you later," he told Ryll. She waved after him, handing her horse off to a stable boy.

Ryll made her way back to her room, laying down on the bed when she reached it. Then she sat up, remembering her arm. She unwound the bandage and looked down. The wound was entirely healed. There was not even a slight marking or scar where it had been. Her heart beat quickly in her chest as she ran a hand over where the wound had been. Then she unclasped her necklace and laid it on the bed before her. The silver ring was simple with a pale purple stone. It felt cool to the touch. As she touched it, the stone seemed to light up ever so slightly. Did this ring have the ability to heal her? She looked down at the ordinary piece of jewelry. There was nothing interesting about it. She looked on the inside of the band. There she found a set of small runes etched into the silver. She squinted, trying to read them, but she could not understand the language. Perhaps the strange runes were the key to solving whatever mystery lay behind the ring.

She sat pondering this for at least an hour, losing track of time somewhere. The night had grown late. She didn't feel tired even after all she had been through that day. Weary perhaps, but her mind was wide awake, pondering the ring's strange power. Had her mother known of this power? Is that why she had given it to Ryll. Is that why – Ryll gasped as she realized something. Is that why only Ryll was able to avoid the disease that ravaged her village? She was the sole survivor. Had the ring saved her life? Could she have saved others with its power? She clutched it in her hand, memories washing over her like waves of sorrow. They came to her now as they hadn't in years – memories she had kept locked away, deep inside of her. But no, she couldn't think of that now. She pushed them away. Some memories were too painful to remember.

Suddenly she needed to talk to someone. She grabbed the necklace in her fist and left her room, winding down the corridors until she found the physician's court. She opened the door slowly, realizing how late it was.

Inside she could hear Gaius snoring from his cot. She felt ridiculous sneaking into his and Merlin's quarters late at night just to share her worries with Merlin. She hesitated on the threshold. Well, she had come this far. Somehow she knew Merlin wouldn't care. She had to speak with someone. She tiptoed into the room, carefully shutting the door behind her. It creaked slightly, and she cringed, but Gaius did not stir. She crept across the floor to where she had observed Merlin's room was. It was dark, and she carefully nudged the door open. He was asleep, his face highlighted slightly by the moonlight that edged through his window, half-hidden behind clouds. Ryll bit her lip, hesitant to wake him. She felt like a child, coming to her parents after having a bad dream.

She came to the foot of his bed and crept around to the side. Before she could change her mind, she touched his shoulder. He awoke at once, his eyes popping open. He looked up at her in confusion.

"What is it? Did the beast come back?" he asked groggily.

"No, Merlin, this isn't a dream. I'm sorry to wake you." She sat on the edge of his bed. "I just needed to talk to you."

"What is it?" He sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and looking at her. He was wide awake now.

"It's just. You know how I heal so quickly?" she asked. He nodded, narrowing his eyes. Ryll hesitated, stalling for time. She looked up at him, taking in his dark hair, disheveled from sleep and his pale skin, cast into an even paler pallor with the moonlight. "I think it's my ring," she blurted out. "I think it might hold some sort of healing power. After I lost it, I didn't heal, but as soon as I touched it, my wound healed. Look." She pulled back her sleeve to show him her wounded arm.

She heard him intake a sharp breath. He touched her arm lightly with his fingers as if it were all just a mirage. She shivered slightly at his touch.

"Have you heard of such a thing?" she asked.

"Can I see the ring?" She handed it to him, and he held it up to the moonlight, studying the runes on the inside.

"Can you read them?" Ryll asked.

"No, I'm not sure what language that is. But it looks like it might be enchanted. I wonder if it works on everyone or just you."

"There's only one way to find out." Merlin looked at Ryll, comprehension dawning on his face.

"I'd have to injure myself somehow to test it."

"Don't do that. Maybe I can test it on someone who's already injured."

"Just a nick." He took a knife from his bedside table. Ryll grabbed his arm.

"You don't have to do that," she told him.

"Don't worry." He took the knife and nicked the tip of his thumb. Blood welled up. He held the ring up. Within seconds, the wound had healed itself up, the blood disappearing altogether. "Wow. I've never seen anything like it," he said.

"Me neither. I've had it all these years, and have never known…. I could have saved so many people."

"Don't blame yourself. You didn't know. That's too big a burden to place on yourself." He handed her back the ring, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"When I was a child," Ryll started. Her voice caught, and she hesitated. "When I was a child, a mysterious disease spread throughout my village. It killed…everyone. My parents, my neighbors, my friends…. No one knew what had caused it. I was the only one immune to it. Had I know what this ring could do…. My mother must have known. Why didn't she tell me? I could have saved so many people. I could have saved her." She realized she was crying and put her hands over her face, ashamed. "Up until now, I'd never told anyone. I'd blocked that memory until it came back to me in dreams."

She felt Merlin pull her toward him until her face was buried in his chest, and his arms were around her back. She cried silently, clutching the front of his tunic, feeling oddly comforted by this servant boy she had only just met. But he was more than that, she knew. There was more to him than anyone seemed to realize. She only hoped he would open up to her now that she had opened up to him. She felt so raw but so relieved as if the memories had been drowning her until she had spat them out.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," Merlin told her. "Don't blame yourself. It's alright."

Ryll felt her tears begin to dry, but she didn't want to let go. Merlin didn't pull away. He held her close to him as she pulled herself together. Finally Ryll pulled away, smiling up at him. Unsaid words passed between them, and Ryll knew that she had finally found someone she could trust.


	6. Somewhere to Call Home

_Author's note: Student Teaching is literally turning my brain to mush. It is so freaking time-consuming. Nothing on earth could ever prepare you for it. But I'm still writing! Every chance I get which is not many, unfortunately. _

-6-

Ryll awakened just after dawn, the rising sun intruding in her eyes as she tried to sleep. For the first time in a long time, she had slept through the night without a nightmare. She stretched her arms, sitting up in bed, letting the newfound energy she felt rush through her veins. Even after the excitement the day before, she had not been visited by dreams.

Getting out of bed, she pulled on one of the dresses Morgana had given her – this one a deep purple threaded with silver – and ran a brush through her long, golden curls. She fingered the silver ring around her neck, feeling a small surge of power run through the metal. In a way, it frightened her, but it also excited her. She vowed to try healing someone with its power. She tried to remember back to her childhood and to her mother, but all she could remember was watching everyone she knew die around her, the terrible disease ravaging the entire village. All but her. She shook the dark thoughts from her head and wandered down to the dining hall. Uther and Arthur were absent as usual, but Morgana was there. She smiled when she saw Ryll.

"You're looking well after your eventful day," she said. "Arthur told me how you killed the beast. You saved his life whether or not he'll admit it."

"He did thank me."

"Usually if a girl saves his life, he tries to deny it. Obviously he thinks differently of you."

Ryll smiled. "I'm sure he only admitted it because I was injured while saving him."

"How is your arm?" Morgana looked down at Ryll's left arm. Ryll realized that she had forgotten to replace the bandage. She tugged the sleeve a little further down until it nearly covered her hand.

"Fine. A little painful." The lie felt bitter on her tongue, but Morgana was too close to Uther for Ryll to tell her the truth – even if Morgana would keep it a secret, which Ryll knew she would, she was still Uther's ward. Ryll did not want to get her in trouble.

"Well, you've certainly been through a lot since your arrival in Camelot."

"That is most certainly true." Ryll sighed, concentrating on her breakfast. "Never a dull day here."

"Between Uther accusing everyone of magic and Arthur's life being threatened…." Morgana rolled her eyes.

"Why would anyone threaten Arthur's life? It's Uther who persecutes sorcerers."

"Many want revenge against Uther. They know that they only thing he holds dear besides his power is Arthur." Morgana's words were bitter as she spoke. Ryll looked up at her.

"You're his ward, surely he must care for you as well," she said.

"You would think so. He would have me believe so, but Uther and I do not see eye to eye on much of anything. Sometimes I think Camelot would be better off without him."

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

Ryll studied her friend. "Perhaps he is too harsh sometimes." She hesitated. "What happened to your parents? If you don't mind me asking."

Morgana's light blue eyes were clear as she spoke. "They died when I was very young. My father went to war. He was supposed to receive reinforcements, but they did not come, and he was killed. Uther took me in when I was ten years old."

"I'm sorry," Ryll said.

"Don't be. It was a long time ago." Morgana smiled, but Ryll could tell it was forced. "Life isn't fair; that's one thing I've learned living with Uther Pendragon as my guardian."

"It's better than having no one to call family and no where to call home." Ryll looked down at the bread she had been eating. It now looked unappealing.

"I'm sorry, Ryll. I'm being ungrateful. Of course it's better than having nothing. But now you have friends here, and you can always call Camelot your home if you wish."

"I'd like that. I really would." She meant it. Being in Camelot felt closer to being home than she had felt in a long time.

"You said you were headed to Camelot when I first met you. Did you have some purpose here?" Morgana asked.

Ryll frowned. "My mother always told me as a child that I would find myself in Camelot. I never knew what she meant. She used to tell me tales of the Great Dragon and of Avalon. It seemed only right to come here after she died. It took me a long time to get here though. I'd forgotten her words until I heard a story of Camelot in a small village I was passing through. Somehow I felt I was always meant to come here. I can't explain it."

Before Morgana could respond, the doors to the dining hall burst open, and Arthur strode in, his blue eyes looking fierce, his blonde hair slightly disheveled as if he had just ridden hard.

"Arthur, what-" Morgana started, but Arthur cut her off.

"I need to speak with you, Ryll. Now." Ryll narrowed her eyes at him.

"That is no way to speak to her," Morgana shot at him.

He ignored her, keeping his eyes on Ryll. "Please."

Ryll got up from the table, casting a mystified look back at Morgana before following Arthur out into the corridor. He led her away from the dining hall before turning on her, hands on his hips, expression livid.

"This morning I went out into the forest to make sure there weren't anymore of those beasts roaming around. And what do you think I found?" His eyes cut into hers. Ryll scuffed her boot against the stone floor.

"I have no idea," she said.

"I found," his voice raised as he continued to speak, "another beast. But it was already dead. Do you know how it died?"

"Umm….no."

"Arrows. Arrows that look _particularly_ similar to your own. I think you and Merlin found it last night."

"Well, it's dead, so what does it matter?"

"What matters is that you didn't think to tell me about that last night. You could have been killed! Both of you. I'm going to tan Merlin's hide for this." He turned away, still fuming.

"Don't be angry with him! I was the one who wanted to go back into the forest, I was the one who killed the beast. He tried to protect me."

Arthur turned back to look at her. His blue eyes were still livid, but Ryll saw another emotion there now. Was it worry? Relief? "Just promise me you won't do anything like that again," Arthur requested, his tone softer.

Ryll nodded. "I promise. I'll come get you if I need to traipse into a dark forest filled with dangerous beasts again." The corners of Arthur's mouth turned up at this. "But really, you have to admit you're impressed. That's two beasts I've killed in a day."

"Don't go getting a big head. I am going to personally lock you in your room if another beast comes anywhere near Camelot."

"I'd like to see you try." Ryll bit her lip, realizing that she was bantering with the prince of Camelot. "Your highness," she added a little too late.

"If you call me Your Highness, I'll be forced to call you Amaryllis," Arthur said, giving her a crooked smile.

"Arthur it is."

After a pause, Arthur said, "With all the commotion, the knighting ceremony planned for yesterday had been moved to today. There's to be a celebration afterwards. I was wondering if you might accompany me to it." Ryll stared at him. "You don't have to do anything," Arthur added in a rush. "Just enjoy the food and make light conversation with other people."

Ryll laughed. "That doesn't sound too painful."

"Good, well, I'll come to your room just before sunset to escort you down." He turned to leave.

"Arthur," Ryll called out before he could go. He turned back to her. She saw that all the anger had drained from his eyes, leaving them clear. "Thank you. For caring first of all – that's something new for me. And for inviting me to the ceremony."

He nodded. "I suppose I should thank you as well."

"For what?"

"For ridding Camelot of not _one _but_ two_ beasts. You did make my job a lot easier."

Ryll grinned at him. "Well, if you need an archer, you know where to come."

…

A trill of excitement ran through Ryll as Gwen helped her into a new gown Morgana had loaned her. This one was a deep gold that rippled down to the floor like a river, nearly covering the golden slippers she donned. The skirt was full in the back, gathered together at the small of her back. The sleeves were sheer and fell away from the shoulders like golden pennants. Morgana had also given her a small golden band to wear across her forehead. Gwen had done up her hair in an elaborate bun, letting a few stray strands tumble down her neck. Looking in the mirror above her vanity, Ryll smiled at her own reflection. She felt like a princess.

"You look beautiful," Gwen said in awe. She too was dressed in one of her best gowns, a lilac colored one with an ivory bodice. Her black curls were neatly tucked back behind her ears.

"You do too," Ryll said, taking her hands and pulling her in front of the mirror so that both girls were reflected. "Are you ready?" Gwen nodded. She would be accompanying Morgana to the feast. Ryll wondered if Merlin would be there too.

Arthur was waiting outside Ryll's room, looking princely in his formal garb – Merlin must have washed it after all – and slightly nervous. His eyes widened slightly when he saw Ryll. Gwen bowed to the prince before going to finish helping Morgana ready herself.

"Your highness." Ryll bowed as well, suddenly feeling flustered.

"Amaryllis," Arthur greeted her, lifting an eyebrow. This brought Ryll to her senses.

"Ryll," she corrected. "I cannot always be addressing you so familiarly. You are the prince, after all, and this is a formal occasion. But I am not royalty, so the same guidelines don't apply to me."

"You've got this all figured out, haven't you?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes."

Arthur laughed and then held out an arm. Ryll took it, allowing herself to be led down to the throne room where the knighting would take place. Eyes followed her from all sides as she walked alongside Arthur, arm still looped around his. She stood by Arthur's side, feeling slightly awkward and glancing around self-consciously. A few of the women of the court whispered amongst themselves, casting curious glances in her direction.

"You look beautiful," Arthur whispered to her.

Ryll blushed. "Thank you. Really, Gwen and Morgana should get the credit. They turned a ragamuffin into a lady."

"Ragamuffin?" Arthur questioned. "You were hardly a beggar."

"Close enough."

"You think too little of yourself."

Ryll found herself feeling very pleased as the ceremony began. She watched absently as Sir Hector was knighted by the king, joining in the applause when the ceremony was complete. The celebrations began, and she watched as most of the men grabbed a mug of ale.

"Disgraceful how quickly the men take to the ale." Ryll turned to see that Morgana had joined her, looking exotic in a deep red dress that bared her shoulders. Her dark hair was coiled up at the back of her head, and long ruby earrings dangled from her ears.

"They do seem to enjoy it." Ryll watched as Arthur toasted the Sir Hector. Even Merlin was joining in the drinking, she noticed. He was having a conversation with Gwen across the room. Ryll caught his eye and smiled. She watched his expression change for a moment before he turned back to speak with Gwen.

"Everyone is wondering who you are," Morgana said. "You've caught every young man's eye in the castle tonight."

Ryll laughed. "I doubt that very much."

"You're just not used to such attention. Arthur is quite taken with you."

"Not as taken with me as the ale."

"It's been a long few days. Your arm must be feeling better."

Ryll had taken the pretense to lightly bandage her left arm before allowing Gwen to help her dress. "Yes, much."

Morgana wandered off after a moment, leaving Ryll to watch the people around her. They all seemed blissfully unaware of the recent threat of the humbata. Ryll smiled to herself.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" She turned around to face Arthur, looking a little dazed after an hour of drinking. In fact, a few of the men, Sir Hector in particular, were looking a little tipsy.

"Yes, thank you."

"Would you like to escape the crowd for a moment?" he asked, nodding toward a side corridor.

"It is getting a little warm in here." Ryll followed him as he led them, unnoticed, into the hall. They stopped when the rumble of conversation started to fade. Ryll looked out one of the small windows, admiring the city at night. The moon hung low over Camelot, casting a silver glow over the city. Arthur stood next to her, his eyes a little distant.

"Do you like it here in Camelot?" he asked.

"Yes, very much so." Ryll turned to peer at him, feeling suddenly nervous.

"You can stay here as long as you like, you know," Arthur said, turning his blue eyes on her. They seemed clearer now that they had left the clamor of the crowd.

"I know. I haven't anywhere else to go anyway." Ryll smiled.

"Earlier today, this morning when after I discovered the beast…." Arthur trailed off.

"Yes?" Ryll urged him on.

"Well, I'm sorry for being so short with you. I realized that I would have done the same thing in your situation – kill the beast. And I can see why you didn't tell me. I did act irrationally."

"I don't think you were irrational. Perhaps just a little over concerned," Ryll countered.

"I'd just hate to see you get hurt." Arthur's eyes were serious now, watching her intently. Ryll looked down at her bandaged arm. "Well, more hurt," Arthur added. "I'm sorry you got hurt at all."

They fell silent, and Ryll turned her gaze back to the window. After a moment, Arthur spoke again. "I've never quite known anyone like you," he said.

Ryll turned to look at him. "What do you mean?" she asked, surprised.

"Well, you show up out of no where, save Morgana's life, survive an arrow wound, kill two beasts, and save my life. And yet here you are, standing there with only a light bandage on one arm."

Ryll shrugged. "I guess I'm just lucky."

"Lucky and skilled."

"You're jealous." Ryll smirked.

"Jealous?" Arthur looked affronted.

"Yes, jealous."

"Hardly." He turned away, but Ryll stepped in front of him, grinning.

"You just don't want to admit that I might be as skilled as you. You haven't seen me with a sword yet."

"Now that would be a difficult thing to beat me at seeing as I've been practicing with a sword practically since birth. I'm the best swords-person Camelot has."

"And so modest."

Arthur laughed. "You seem to bring out the worst in me sometimes," he said. Ryll looked down, unsure of what he meant. When she looked back up, Arthur was still watching her, his brow furrowed slightly as if he was confused. Then he leaned closer, and Ryll's breath caught in her throat. All she could see was Arthur's blue eyes and all she could hear was his slow, steady breathing.

"Arthur?" A loud voice cut in, and Arthur pulled away quickly. Merlin came around the corner.

"What is it, Merlin?" Arthur asked with barely concealed impatience.

"I was just wondering where you went off too. Your father was looking for you." He looked between Ryll and Arthur, looking suddenly downcast. "I hope I wasn't interrupting something."

"No, not at all, we were just talking." Arthur's tone was all business now, and Ryll forced herself to smile.

"I'm feeling quite tired. Please excuse me." Before either boy could speak, she left them behind, heading toward her room feeling both confused and disappointed.


	7. Unbidden Feelings

-7-

Merlin awoke the next morning to a raging headache. He groaned, holding his head. Throwing aside his blankets, he put on his boots – having to do this twice as he first put his left boot on his right foot – and then stumbled downstairs.

"Too much to drink last night?" Gaius asked cheerfully.

"Don't rub it in," Merlin replied, rubbing his temples.

"Here, drink this." Gaius offered him a foul smelling concoction. It was a murky brown. "Drink it all in one gulp, and you'll hardly taste it," he advised.

Merlin did this, gagging as the horrid liquid ran down his throat. "Ugg, that's awful! What is that?"

"Do you really want to know?" Gaius asked him.

Merlin considered this. "Not really."

"Good, well, eat some breakfast and then you'd best see to Arthur. He's bound to be in a similar state." He pushed a bowl of porridge toward Merlin.

"Great, that means he'll be tossing things at me," Merlin grumbled. He looked down at the porridge and felt nauseated. "I think I'll skip breakfast this morning," he said, pushing the bowl away. He left Gaius, heading toward Arthur's chambers. He stopped at the door, listening to hear whether or not Arthur was up. He didn't hear anything, so he opened the door.

Arthur was still fast asleep, his mouth slightly agape, his blonde hair tussled. Merlin grinned. This would be fun. He set out Arthur's breakfast before going over to the prince's side. He leaned close to his ear and yelled, "Breakfast!"

Arthur jolted up, grimacing and holding his head. "_Merlin_, do you have to shout?" he asked irately.

"Just making sure you eat your breakfast while it's fresh." Merlin stood back as Arthur shoved aside his blankets, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He glared up at Merlin.

"Wipe that impish grin off your face," he said.

"Did you have a good time last night? I saw you slip away with Ryll."

"Yes, well, you came bounding in and interrupted-"

"Yes?"

"A conversation."

"That's all?"

"Yes, that's all. I would not compromise her honor, you know that."

"No, of course not, it's just. How do you know she doesn't like you back?" Merlin grinned.

"No one said _I_ like _her_," Arthur shot back.

"It's obvious."

"It's obvious that your mind is addled." Arthur sat down at the table, eyeing his breakfast with distaste.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Porridge."

"Porridge?"

"The best in the kingdom, sire." Merlin didn't mention it had been his own discarded breakfast.

Arthur put the spoon into the thick mush, letting a pile drop back into the bowl with a plop. "_This_ is not fit for a prince."

"So you're too good for the kingdom's best porridge now?"

"Merlin, if you cooked this, there is no way it is the best porridge in the kingdom. You are not that good of a cook."

"Fine then, don't have breakfast. Don't come complaining to me when your stomach starts growling."

"If it's so good, why don't you have a bite. You look hungry. Did you have breakfast?" Arthur had that glint in his eye – the one that appeared just before he was about to upturn a bucket over Merlin's head or something along those same lines.

"No, I already had breakfast. You need your strength." Merlin backed away. His joke was turning on him. Why did that always happen?

"No, no, I _insist_. I can't have you weak during today's practice."

"Practice?" Merlin asked, still backing toward the door.

"Yes, the one where you're my moving target and I throw knives at you."

"Oh, that one. Right. My favorite."

"So, come on! Eat up!" Arthur said with false cheeriness, pushing the bowl toward Merlin. Merlin had no choice but to eat. He felt his stomach churning.

"Mmmm. I think you should have some. You have to keep your strength up so you can keep up with me."

Arthur laughed. "That won't be hard, Merlin. I could swordfight blindfolded better than you can cook even after drinking too much the night before."

"Now that's insulting," Merlin said, frowning. Arthur's attention had strayed from their bantering though. He stared out the window, hands folded under his chin. Merlin watched him curiously. Obviously something had gone on between him and Ryll the night before.

Merlin pushed back the stab of jealousy he felt. Ryll was beautiful after all – of course someone like Arthur would win her favor. But there was something about her that Arthur would never understand. If he or his father were to find out about Ryll's magical healing ring, she'd be thrown in the dungeons whether she had practiced magic or not. There was something intriguing about her, he admitted. Something that went further than the ring. Could she wield magic? If she could, he didn't think she realized it. He felt an overwhelming desire to tell her his secret, but that would be dangerous. Too dangerous. He couldn't risk that, especially if she grew closer to Arthur. Merlin shook his head. He felt guilty hoping that she would confide in him when he knew he couldn't confide in her.

Now he was the one daydreaming. He shook his head again, scattering his thoughts. "Are you ready for practice?" he asked Arthur, grimacing. The prince looked up, a surprised look in his eyes.

"Oh, yes, of course." He pushed away the uneaten porridge. "Let's go."

…

Ryll slept in late, her head still full of last night's revelry. She felt disappointed at Arthur's off-handed remark that they had just been talking. But then again, isn't that all that they had been doing? Who was she to think it had been something more? Who was she to _wish_ it had been something more? She felt foolish now. She had allowed her guard to lower, had allowed herself to be attracted to the prince. Foolish, foolish girl. She threw back the blankets and dressed hastily, dressing in a riding habit. She shoved her legs into her worn boots and pinned her cloak around her shoulders. She braided her gold hair down her back. Lastly, she took her bow and quiver, securing them to her back.

She was going for a long ride. A very long ride. She was going to do some thinking. She looked in the mirror above her vanity for a second, pushing a stray hair out of her face. Her blue eyes looked almost grey in the weak light. She looked like her old self again. None of that make-believe princess nonsense. She shook her head. No, this was the _real_ Ryll. Amaryllis, the weary traveler.

She fled from her room, finding herself in the stables without meeting anyone along the way. She skipped breakfast, not feeling particularly hungry. She found her small chestnut mare munching happily on some hay. The horse bobbed her head in greeting.

"Hello, Owl," Ryll greeted her. "You like it here, don't you?" The mare nudged Ryll's shoulder with her muzzle, leaving some wisps of hay behind on Ryll's cloak. Ryll laughed, brushing the hay off and going to retrieve Owl's saddle and bridle. In a few minutes, she was riding out of Camelot and into the forest beyond. She kept her ears and eyes sharp, glancing around for anything out of the ordinary and listening for any unusual noises. She did seem to attract trouble. She hoped that today's ride would be uneventful

The birds were singing, and she could hear a creek trickling quietly nearby. She urged Owl onward, leaning forward in the saddle as the small mare leapt over a fallen tree. When they reached the creek, Owl splashed forward before stopping and lowering her head to drink. Ryll sat in the saddle, gazing around her and taking in the solace of the forest. She found that her thoughts were much clearer away from the castle. She took the ring from around her neck and studied it closer. The purple stone was clear and the sunlight rebounded off the multiple facets of the jewel. The runes were easier to see in the daylight, and Ryll squinted at them, trying to make out what they said. They were so strange to her because they made no sense and yet a part of her seemed to understand them. She was afraid of that part of her. Shaking her head, Ryll replaced the ring around her neck and promised herself she'd never look deeper to find out just what lurked within her – the part of her that understood the ring's power and wanted to use it. But if she were to find someone dying or hurt…. She could not just leave them there. She longed to use the ring on someone who needed to be healed. If she could become a healer – think of how many lives she could save!

"No," she said out loud. That would be dangerous. If Uther were to find out that she possessed an object of magic…. She did not even want to think of the consequences. For now she would keep the ring to herself, wearing it but not using it.

Owl shook her head, spraying Ryll with water. Ryll nudged the horse onward, riding until she lost track of time. The sun was beginning its slow decent into night. Ryll turned back toward the castle, riding hard until she reached the gates of Camelot. After she had handed Owl off to a stable boy, she realized how famished she was. She headed toward her room to change for dinner. She wanted to eat in her room, but pride would not allow her to hide away from Arthur.

When she entered the dining hall, Arthur was speaking to his father about a tournament that was to take place in a few days time. The two men spoke eagerly, and Ryll guessed that Arthur would be entering in the tournament. Morgana smiled in greeting, rolling her eyes toward the two men. Arthur looked up, noticing her presence for the first time. His eyes widened for a moment before he nodded politely to her.

"What sort of tournament is this to be?" Ryll asked, seating herself next to Morgana.

"It will be a combination of jousting, sword-fighting, and archery," Arthur told her. Ryll felt a trill of excitement. She was good at all three of these things.

"Who can enter?" she asked eagerly.

Arthur eyed her cautiously. "Any noble_man_ or knight," he said, emphasizing the word _man_ in nobleman.

Ryll narrowed her eyes. "I see. And will you be entering, my Lord?" She watched Arthur's face change slightly when she used his formal title.

"Yes, I will."

"Then I wish you luck. I look forward to watching." Ryll began to eat, her mind miles away. Of course she couldn't enter. No man would believe she was so skilled at such things. No man would fight against her. Ryll felt Arthur's eyes on her and looked up. He hastily looked away, and she continued to eat. Arthur and Uther continued to talk of the tournament while Morgana and Ryll ate silently. After she had finished, Ryll excused herself, not feeling much like company.

She had not gone far when she heard footsteps behind her. Turning, she found herself facing Arthur. She nearly told him to leave her alone, but she realized how little justification she had for such behavior.

"Have I offended you in some way?" Arthur asked her, taking her by surprise.

"No."

"You acted rather cold at dinner, I just thought after last night…." he trailed off.

"Last night?" Ryll prompted him.

Arthur's eyes were very blue as he looked up at her. "I didn't mean to… I don't know what came over me… I…." He shut his eyes for a moment as if gathering his thoughts. "I did not mean to take advantage of you last night."

Ryll hadn't been expecting this. "You didn't," she said. "Nothing happened."

"But it could have."

Ryll hesitated for a moment. "Did you want something to happen?" she asked very quietly. Arthur glanced at her, surprise in his eyes.

"It wouldn't be-"

"Just answer me truthfully," she interjected.

"Maybe. I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair, turning for a moment as if frustrated by the conversation. Then he turned back to her. "You intrigue me," he said honestly. "You come out of nowhere and save Morgana. You are skilled with both the sword and the bow. You're stunning in a gown and yet just as beautiful dressed like a man." Ryll laughed at this. "Will you meet me in the forest tomorrow?" he asked quickly as if on a whim. "We could go riding. Just to talk."

"Yes," Ryll found herself answering without thinking.

"It's settled then." He smiled before turning to leave her. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

Ryll walked slowly back to her room, her thoughts muddled. She knew falling for the prince of Camelot was dangerous, but she couldn't get those wide blue eyes out of her mind. She was so preoccupied that she did not notice the shadow in her room until it came at her. Ryll nearly screamed. She grabbed for her sword, but the shadow took her arm, holding her fast.


	8. Dark Shadows

-8-

The runes on Ryll's ring had been bothering Merlin all day. After having spent most of the afternoon as Arthur's moving target, he was sore, irritable, and frustrated. He picked listlessly at his dinner, not even noticing what it was that Gaius had served.

"If the food isn't to your liking, I can always fix you something else," Gaius said archly.

Merlin looked up. "What?"

"Perhaps your cold porridge from this morning would suit you better?" Gaius asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Oh, sorry." Merlin took a bite of food and then continued to talk, mouth full. "I'm just worried about Ryll," he said.

"Why would you be worried about her?" Gaius asked.

"It's just…." Merlin hesitated. He didn't want to betray Ryll's trust, but he knew Gaius would never tell anyone else of her ring or the possibility that she possessed magic. "That ring she has – the one she wears around her neck – it has healing powers. Ryll didn't know about it until she started noticing how quickly she healed."

"Yes, I noticed that as well. That arrow wound was deadly. I knew that magic had to be involved somehow."

"I didn't heal her. The ring healed her. I don't think she's aware of possessing magic herself if she does possess it. The ring of hers though, it had symbols on it that I couldn't understand."

"Do you remember what they looked like?"

Merlin nodded. "I could draw them out." He grabbed a quill and spare piece of parchment from a nearby table. He quickly etched out the symbols he had seen on the ring. Gaius leaned over the parchment.

"These are very old. They are markings of the Old Religion."

"Can you understand them?" Merlin asked eagerly.

"I might have a book that will help us with that," Gaius said in reply, reaching for a heavy looking tome. He set it on the table, sending out a spurt of dust. He flipped through it until he came to a page that bore the same symbols as on the ring. "Here. They spell out an ancient enchantment that gives whatever it is bestowed upon the power of healing. It is a long and complicated spell. It not only gives an object or person that power, but the power lasts. Most spells are temporary, but this one will hold as long as this ring exists.

"The ring worked on me as well. I tried healing a cut. Will it work on anyone who wears it?"

"I believe so. Such rings are rare, so their properties are not fully known. How did she come to possess such a ring, do you know?"

"It was her mother's. I don't know much more than that."

"Merlin, this ring in the hands of the wrong person could be very dangerous. If one can heal any wound, it would make him or her invincible."

"I'll make sure she's careful."

"Be sure that you do."

"I feel like there's more to her story. She told me of a sickness that wiped out her village when she was a child. She'd blocked it from her memory, but it's coming back to her in her dreams. Her mother gave her the ring to protect her, but everyone else died. I think Ryll blames herself. But it wasn't her fault. She was only a child."

"I wonder what wiped out her entire village. Perhaps there's more to that as well. Did she say where she was from?"

Merlin shook his head. "I'm not sure she remembers."

"I remember something like that happening in the village of Roan. A phantom disease spread throughout the village and killed everyone down to the last chicken. It was said that a black sorcerer conjured an evil to wipe out everyone. It was never known why he did this but there were rumors of a powerful sorcerer in the village, one who would stand up to this dark conjurer and defeat him."

"Do you think Ryll possesses magic?" Merlin asked.

"I'm not sure. If she does, she doesn't know it, like you said. Unless she's a very good liar."

"No, I'm sure she's not lying."

"You can't be too sure, Merlin," Gaius warned him.

"Not Ryll. I'm sure she hasn't lied to me. I want to talk to her. Ask her more about her memories." Merlin got up, leaving his half-eaten meal.

"Be careful what memories you bring up. Some things are best kept hidden away."

Gaius's words followed Merlin to Ryll's room. He knocked but no one answered. Impatient, he tried the door and found the room empty. He decided just to wait for her, seating himself on the edge of her bed. Night fell, but he did not get up to light a candle. Then the door opened. He got to speak with Ryll but realized his mistake as she caught sight of his shadow and grabbed her sword. He caught her arm.

"It's me. It's Merlin. Sorry!" he said quickly. Ryll relaxed under his grip, dropping her sword onto the bed and swinging around to face him. The room was still very dark, but the moon had risen so that he could make out Ryll's expression. She did not look happy.

"Merlin, why are you waiting in my room in the dark?" she asked suspiciously. He could hear a touch of laughter behind her words and knew she wasn't really angry, just annoyed for having been caught off guard.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said. He realized that he was still gripping her arm. She looked down at his hand and back up at him, her expression unreadable.

"Sorry." He let go and took a step back, conscious suddenly of how close they were.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Ryll asked, turning to the mantle of the fireplace and lighting the candles there. As the flames flickered to life, the room grew lighter, warmed by the orange glow. He noticed that she was dressed in a long gown the color of honey and that her hair was loose, flowing over her shoulders in long golden waves. It suddenly occurred to him that she was very beautiful. He felt himself hesitate, losing his thoughts.

"Uh, just about your memories," he recovered, tearing his gaze away from her and blushing.

"Oh." Ryll studied him, her eyes impossible to read. "Why?"

"Just…" He shrugged. "I'm just curious is all. You're a puzzle, and I think your past is the key to solving the puzzle."

"Why do you want to solve the puzzle?" Ryll asked him.

"Don't you want to understand that ring and why your mother gave it to you?" Merlin asked softly.

Ryll gazed at him for a moment, her blue eyes shining in the candlelight as if tears were threatening to fall. She blinked and the moment passed. "Yes, I do." She looked at him, her eyes almost pleading now. She sat down on the edge of her bed. "Do you know something more?" she asked him. "About my ring? About me?" There was hope in her voice, and he wished he knew more. He pulled a chair up to sit across from her. She sat, hands folded in her lap. The ring hung around her neck, glinting in the candlelight.

"I know what the symbols mean," Merlin told her.

"What?" she asked eagerly.

"They're an incantation from the Old Religion giving power to the ring to heal. It's a difficult spell and one that lasts forever – as long as the object it is given to remains intact."

"So basically it makes whoever holds it invincible. I mean, they couldn't die, could they?"

"Exactly. Which is why, in the wrong hands, it could be dangerous."

"Merlin, I'm not going to tell anyone else about it. Even Arthur. Especially Arthur."

Merlin looked closer at her at the mention of the prince. She looked off into the distance but seemed to realize herself and looked back at Merlin. He could have been mistaken, but her cheeks seemed to redden slightly at her mention of Arthur.

"What is the Old Religion?" she asked. "I assume it's something to do with incantations and magic."

"Yes, it's the way of magic as practiced by the High Priestesses."

"It's everything that Uther hates."

"Yes, exactly." Merlin frowned. That was exactly it. Exactly why he could never truly be himself while Uther was still king.

"Which is why I'm in danger if he ever finds out I have this ring."

Merlin nodded. "You have to be careful. Even Arthur. I know he's different from his father, but he's lived under Uther's ideals for his entire life."

"I know. Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything foolish." On impulse, it seemed, she reached out to take his hands. He blinked at her, surprised by her action. She seemed surprised too. "Thank you for being the one person I can trust. I feel like I don't have to hide who I am around you."

Merlin felt an intense need to tell her his secret, but something held him back. He looked down for a moment, and Ryll peered at him curiously. Then he looked at her and smiled to hide his hesitation. "I'm glad. You shouldn't ever have to be anyone else."

"No, you're right. But I'm afraid that's what I must be around Arthur… and anyone else."

"It's getting late," Merlin said after a moment. "I should go."

"Didn't you want to know more about my past?" she asked him.

"Do you remember more?"

She shut her eyes for a moment. "I remember a dark shadow – a man, I think. He came into the village. He was looking for someone." Her eyes darkened as if the shadow lurked behind them. "I think he was looking for me." Her voice trembled as she spoke, no louder than a whisper.

"You don't have to remember if you don't want to."

"It's alright. I need to remember." She took a deep breath. "My mother gave me the ring. She said it would keep me safe. That's all I remember for now, I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Get some rest. If you have any nightmares, Gaius can fix you something to help you to sleep."

Ryll nodded. "Thank you." Something in her expression told Merlin that she would not be coming for a potion. She wanted to remember, even if her memories were dark. "Goodnight."

…

When Merlin returned to the physician's quarters, he was surprised to see Gaius still up, studying the symbols Merlin had drawn for him.

"Merlin," Gaius said when Merlin entered the room. "I've found something else."

"What is it?" Merlin sat across from him.

"Have a look at these symbols. I missed a part of the translation. You see, these two symbols here, they speak of a binding spell. Not binding magic to the ring but binding magic by wearing the ring."

"You mean the ring can restrict someone's magic?"

"Not everyone's. I believe it was meant for one person – the bearer of this ring."

"To keep magic trapped? Do you think it was meant for Ryll. To keep her safe?"

"It was created to keep something contained. Something that might harm others."

"What do you mean?"

"Merlin, I believe this ring was created to keep a dark magic in balance, in control. It was imbued with healing powers to counteract that magic."

"Are you saying that Ryll has dark magic that would harm others if she didn't wear the ring?" He was already shaking his head. "No, I can't believe that. She wouldn't harm anyone."

"Maybe not on purpose."

"Is it possible to have dark magic without meaning to? She would have a choice, wouldn't she?"

"I'm not sure. I've heard of some magic that is more a curse. It is unleashed when a person is very angry or very afraid. It lets off negative emotions and can hurt people around it. That would explain the village and the sudden death."

"You're not saying that Ryll caused the death of her parents and everyone else."

"Not intentionally, no."

Merlin felt anger rising. "I don't care what the runes say. Ryll would never do that."

"Merlin, she might not be able to control her powers."

"We don't even know that the ring was meant for her!" Merlin stood.

"It seems very unlikely that it was meant for anyone else."

Merlin refused to listen to his reasoning. He stormed toward his room, tuning out Gaius's voice. Once alone, he sat on his bed, trying to keep the pieces from falling into place in his head. It did make sense, but it couldn't. Ryll wasn't evil. He couldn't believe that there was something evil inside of her that she couldn't control. If it was true though, she had her ring. Her power was contained. He had nothing to worry about.

With that thought in mind, Merlin lay down on his bed, shutting his eyes though sleep wouldn't claim him. His mind was filled with dark shadows, and when he did finally drift off, Ryll haunted his dreams, the ring glowing brightly around her neck. Then she tore it off and black shadows leapt up around her. A dark light grew from her hands and her blue eyes turned black. All around her lay bodies, their faces pale and drained of life. Ryll stood amidst them wreathed in a misty black dress that turned into shadows until all he could see was her eyes, glinting out at him from the shadows.

"No!" he cried out. "Ryll!"


	9. Hidden Hearts

- 9 -

As Ryll dreamt that night, her dreams came to her dark and vivid, more like memories than dreams. She was back in her village again but it was like she was watching her childhood from a distance. She stood, rooted to the spot, watching as a younger version of herself walked solemnly through the village. Ashes littered the streets, catching on the breeze and blowing past Ryll like dirty snowflakes. Bodies lay strewn about the streets, their faces deathly pale, their hands stained black as if burnt. Ryll felt a sob catch in her throat, but though her emotions and fear built up, she could not release them. She stood watching, unable to move, as the child version of her walked through the streets. Then a shadow crossed before her path, standing three times as tall as her, shrouded in mist. The young Ryll held out an object before her. The ring. It glinted though there was no sunlight to catch in its silver. The stone gleamed purple, glowing brighter as Ryll held it up. The figure before her twitched, the blackness swirling out before it. The child Ryll brought the ring to her finger and slid it on. The black figure writhed and then turned into a black mist that streamed into the stone of the ring until it was completely gone. The child turned and looked Ryll straight in the eyes. Her blue eyes flickered black for a moment before fading back to blue.

Ryll took a step back, a silent scream slipping from her open mouth. She stumbled backwards and found herself tripping. She fell backwards, the sense of falling pervading her mind until she woke with a start. She found herself panting as she woke, her cheeks damp with tears. What had she seen? She unclasped the ring and looked down at it. The purple stone glinted innocently. For the first time, Ryll found herself doubting its power. Was something dark hidden within it? Was something dark hidden within_ her_?

Ryll shook the thought from her head. No. She knew her own mind and nothing dark dwelled there. _Or do I know my own mind?_ Ryll asked herself. _Perhaps I've forgotten who I really am…_ The thought scared her. It was one thing to feel insecure about oneself but it was entirely different to feel insecure about the possibility of being dangerous to others without knowing how or why.

Before that dream, she had had every intention of allowing the dreams to occur. She wanted to unravel the mystery of her past, but now… Now she would give anything to forget what she had just seen. She considered Merlin's offer – the remedy Gaius could fix to chase away her nightmares. Maybe she didn't need to relive the past. Maybe it was better not knowing.

Afraid of the ring and its power, Ryll tucked it into the drawer of her bedside table. She felt as if a burden had been lifted from her. Perhaps the ring was not a gift after all. But why then would her mother have bestowed it on her? Surely she did not know of the shadow that lurked within the ring.

She couldn't get her mind off of her dream. It was like poison wrapping around her and choking the air out of her lungs. She threw on some clothes and grabbed a cloak, leaving her room and walking aimlessly down the corridors until she found herself outside. She slid through the shadows and into the stables where she let herself into Owl's stall. The small mare nickered softly when she saw Ryll, coming forward to place her head against Ryll's chest. Ryll stroked the velvet softness behind her ears, taking comfort in the sweet smell of hay and horses. Owl's skin was warm to the touch, and Ryll coaxed the horse to lie down. She settled herself next to her, cradled against Owl's stomach. She rested her head on her shoulder as the mare's breathing deepened and sleep overcame them both.

…

"Have my horse ready."

"Yes, Sire."

Ryll woke with a start. Where was she? The stables. Straw pricked her in the back and shoulder. She sat up, looking around. Owl looked at her with wide brown eyes. Ryll heard voices nearby and recognized Arthur's voice. In all her turmoil the night before, she had completely forgotten that she was supposed to be riding with him this morning. She hastily brushed down her clothes – fortunately she had thrown clothes suitable for riding the night before – and removed bits of hay from her hair. Then she opened the stall door to greet Arthur. He seemed surprised to see her there already.

"You're here early," he said.

"Yes, I am." She winced inwardly, hoping that she had gotten all the bits of hay out of her hair.

"Good. I'll have the stable boy saddle your horse."

As he and Ryll waited for the stable boy to prepare both horses for the ride, Ryll turned to Arthur. "Do you ever do anything for yourself?" she asked.

Arthur lifted an eyebrow. "Of course I do. I-" He hesitated.

"You have a servant to clean your room and bring your meals, you have a stable boy saddle and groom your horse, you have someone to clean your armor and sharpen your sword. Do you even dress yourself in the morning or does someone help you with that too?"

Arthur stared at her for a moment. "Is there a problem with that?" he asked finally.

"No, I guess not. It just seems like you rely on other people for a lot of basic things. I mean, my mother dressed me when I was a child, but I learned to do that myself by your age." She smiled to show that she was teasing him.

"Well, I can sword fight and use a mace. I don't have help with that," he countered.

"Because mace fighting is an integral part of life."

"It is when you're a prince. You're feisty this morning. Have I done something to offend you?"

"No," Ryll amended. "Let's go." She mounted her horse and then cocked an eyebrow at Arthur. "Can you mount by yourself?"

"I can beat you on horseback any day," he retorted, swinging into the saddle with ease.

"We'll see about that." Ryll nudged Owl and the chestnut mare took off down the cobblestone roads that led out of the city. She heard Arthur's horse clattering behind her. They tore through the streets, causing several people to leap out of the way. Ryll laughed with pleasure as they breached the gates and passed out into the fields. She raced on, Arthur close behind her. The wind tore at her hair, tossing it wildly out behind her. She leaned low in the saddle, feeling the sting of Owl's mane against her cheeks. She raced along the forest, splashing through a shallow pond.

"Race you to that tree," she shouted back to Arthur, unsure of whether or not he heard her. She pressed Owl to speed up and laughed blissfully as the little horse tore toward the tree. Only when she had passed it did she pull up, turning Owl to see how far behind Arthur was. He came up a few moments later, his horse panting slightly with the exertion.

"That," Arthur said, slightly out of breath, "is a fast horse."

"Is it the horse or the rider?" Ryll asked, smirking. She felt so carefree in that moment. It was as if she had left behind every worry and every fear, every nightmare that had pervaded her sleep over the last eighteen years.

"Alright, so you're a better horseman than me."

"Horse_woman_," Ryll corrected. "And yes, I told you I would be."

"I think you're just as cocky as me," Arthur said, grinning.

"I have pride in being good at something that most woman are not," she replied. "You've still yet to see me sword fight."

"Another day perhaps. Let's sit down for awhile and let the horses rest." He dropped to the ground from the saddle and pulled a blanket out of one of the saddle bags. Then he pulled a package out of the other. He spread out the blanket and the package in the middle. "Breakfast?" he asked, opening up the package to reveal sweet rolls and fresh fruit. Ryll felt a trill of excitement.

"Wonderful." He motioned for her to sit down, sitting across from her and serving the food.

"Let me guess, the cooks down in the kitchens made these rolls," Ryll teased him.

"No, actually, I baked them myself this morning just before planning out the details to the tournament and meeting with my father about the upcoming signing of a treaty." Ryll reached over to shove his shoulder playfully.

"I don't even know how to bake," Arthur said, grinning.

"To be fair, I don't either," Ryll admitted. They started laughing.

As Ryll bit into one of the sweet rolls, it struck her how odd a moment this was. She was sitting having breakfast with Prince Arthur, joking around with him as if they had been friends for ages. She feared for a moment that she had overstepped her boundaries, but he seemed content with how she addressed him.

"Do you want to ride through the forest after we're finished eating?" she asked.

"Yes," Arthur agreed. "I need to be back in an hour to continue making preparations for the tournament."

"Of course."

"Will you come to watch it?" Arthur asked. Ryll knew that he was really asking if she would come to watch him.

"Yes. It sounds exciting. I'll give you a white handkerchief to tie around your wrist or whatever it is you do with them."

"Do you even own a white handkerchief?" he asked.

"No, I don't, but I'll acquire one somehow."

The conversation paused. Then Arthur cleared his throat and began to clean up what was left of their breakfast. Ryll folded the blanket and handed it back to him. They mounted up and rode toward the forest, this time at a walk.

"This is nice," Arthur said after a long silence. "It seems like I never really have enough time to get out and enjoy Camelot. I'm always busy planning something or overseeing battle tactics or training new knights. I can't actually remember that last time I just enjoyed myself without some other matter looming overhead."

"I can imagine that would get tiring after awhile," Ryll sympathized.

"It can be, but it's my duty."

"Do you ever wish you were born someone else?" Ryll asked him suddenly. "Not a prince, that is."

Arthur pondered this for a moment. "Sometimes," he said, "but then I look at my kingdom and my people; I watch my father rule and Camelot thrive. I realize how much everything in Camelot means to me. What would I be without it? It is my purpose, my responsibility, and one day it will be mine to rule. I consider myself lucky. Privileged to have the honor of being prince of such a kingdom."

And Ryll could see it. She could see his love for Camelot in the way he sat tall in the saddle, the way his eyes got distant when he spoke of it. "You'll make a great king some day," she said softly.

Arthur looked at her, eyes slightly unfocused as if he were still lost in thought. "Thank you. I hope I will."

They had entered the forest now, and Ryll led them down a path that she had not been down before. The trees grew thick around them and eventually the path led down below parallel rock walls. The air was cool and damp with the rocks surrounding them. Ryll urged Owl onward until Arthur called out to her.

"We should head back now," he said. Regret tinged his words.

"Alright." Ryll turned her horse around. Just then there was a scattering of small stones from the cliff that rose above them. She looked up and saw a flash of movement. Then a large chunk of rock dislodged itself from the cliff. It came falling down straight at Arthur. "Look out!"

Ryll flung herself out of the saddle and at Arthur. The horses bolted, and she landed hard on top of Arthur. The boulder landed a few feet away. Ryll looked up and saw another flash of movement. The rock had not dislodged itself; that she was sure of.

"Are you alright?" She looked down at Arthur.

"A little shaken. You?"

Ryll smiled shakily. "I'm fine." She was about to mention the movement from the top of the cliff, but Arthur spoke again.

"You saved my life." His blue eyes were warm, and Ryll realized how close their faces were.

"It was nothing, really."

"Saving my life is nothing?" His tone was teasing.

"That's not what I meant." Ryll felt flustered. She moved to stand up, but Arthur caught her arm. Before she could react, he lifted his head and his lips met hers. She was so surprised that all she could do was breathe in sharply. He hesitated, pulling away.

"I'm sorry-" he started to apologize, but Ryll stopped him, placing a tentative hand on his cheek.

"You don't have to apologize for kissing me." Ryll's heart was beating violently beneath her skin. She could feel Arthur's breath under her hand, quicker than normal.

"I shouldn't have." The moment passed. Ryll dropped her hand from his face, blushing. She got to her feet. "We should get back," Arthur said, standing as well.

"Of course." Ryll's head was a mess of confusion. She mounted Owl, all suspicions about the falling rock forgotten. They rode back to the castle in silence. Ryll didn't dare look at Arthur and as soon as they returned to the stables, she handed her reins off to the stable boy and headed back to the castle without a word.

"Ryll, wait!" Arthur caught up to her. "I didn't mean to imply that I didn't want to kiss you. I just shouldn't have."

"Oh." She looked up at him.

"I like you Ryll, and were I in a different position – were I someone…different…then perhaps it would work, but…" He let his words hang in the air, his eyes sad.

"But you're prince of Camelot, and I'm not a princess," Ryll finished his thoughts.

"My father would never approve."

"Arthur, I would never ask you to do something that would put you at odds with your father or Camelot, but you shouldn't have to keep your heart hidden away because of your title." She turned and walked away, leaving Arthur staring after her and though she wondered what he was thinking, she did not turn back to ask him.


	10. Jousting

- 10 -

Merlin hadn't been able to take his mind off the nightmare he'd had the night before. It followed him around like a lurking shadow, distracting him from his duties to Arthur and earning him a knock to the head from a bucket.

"You seem distracted," Arthur told him as Merlin half-heartedly rubbed his aching head.

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Merlin commented.

"Me? What have I done? Besides knock you on the head with a bucket." He grinned at these last words.

"Yeah, thanks for that." He rubbed his head again.

"Seriously though, something is on your mind."

"It's nothing, really. You were gone early this morning," Merlin changed the subject.

"Now you're trying to distract me," Arthur said.

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't ask a question. You just made a comment."

"It's just, you're usually still in bed and I have to drag you out before you'll wake up."

"I just wanted to get some fresh air," Arthur answered vaguely.

"Right," Merlin said, grinning.

"What?"

"So you went out for some air. Did you meet anyone along the way?"

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact. I met some guards. I even said good morning to a baker. Happy?"

"You know that's not what I meant," Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, whatever you meant, you're talking in riddles, and I don't have time for that."

"Right, you probably have to go prepare for the tournament tomorrow."

"Exactly. And that is where you come in handy." Arthur had that look on his face again.

"Oh, you wouldn't want me helping you train." Merlin edged toward the door.

"Oh, don't worry. I have a very special task for you."

…

"Ready, Merlin?" Arthur shouted from where he sat astride his horse across the field. Merlin stood in the center of the field holding a small metal circle above his head. He eyed the lance Arthur was holding.

"Ready." Ready? Who in their right mind would ever be ready to become a jousting target? Merlin thought to himself.

Arthur kicked his horse into action, holding the jousting pole out before him, aimed carefully at the small ring Merlin held above his head. Merlin couldn't help it. He shut his eyes tight as Arthur rode past. There was a jerk, and the ring came free from his hands, sliding down the jousting pole. Arthur reined in his horse, riding back to where Merlin stood.

"Don't be such a girl," he told Merlin, tossing him the ring. "Hold it a little lower this time."

"And get my head taken off?" he asked indignantly. Suddenly their attention was distracted by a rider galloping across the field toward them. Merlin recognized Ryll as she got closer astride her small, chestnut mare. She pulled up alongside them.

"Ryll, nice to see you," Arthur said stiffly.

Ryll looked unconcerned. "Can I join you?" she asked. "I wanted to practice."

"For what?" Arthur asked.

"I was thinking about joining the tournament."

Arthur stared at her for a moment, frowning. "You can't though, it's-"

"I'm joking. I just wanted to practice. I haven't jousted in a long time."

"But you _have_ jousted?" Arthur looked unconvinced.

"No, not really. I was hoping you could teach me. I'm a good horse rider, as you know." Something passed between the two of them.

"Alright."

"Not on me." Merlin said at once.

"What?" Ryll turned to him.

"You're not going to practice with me as the target." He shook his head.

Ryll smiled. "I was hoping to use Arthur as my opponent." She turned to the prince. "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind," Arthur said, and Merlin felt a jolt of relief.

"But you can't hold back just because I'm a girl and you don't want to bruise me," Ryll warned him.

"Let's just practice for now," Arthur told her.

Merlin walked back a good few paces, distancing himself as he watched Arthur show Ryll how to hold the jousting pole properly. She seemed to catch on quickly.

"Merlin, go and fetch some armor from the armory. Something lightweight," Arthur called to him. Merlin nodded to show he'd heard and then headed off to retrieve the armor. As he grabbed some chainmail, he decided to help Ryll out a little. He held his hand out to the mail and said an incantation to make the armor impenetrable. Then, grabbing the mail, he headed back to the field. Ryll dismounted and allowed him to help her into the armor.

"Thanks, Merlin," she whispered, smiling at him. She swung into the saddle, and Merlin stood back to watch. He felt his breath catch a little as he looked at Ryll in her chainmail. It was slightly too big, but even so, she looked like a warrior astride her horse. She grinned at Merlin before taking a position and waiting for Arthur to take his position opposite of her. Merlin watched as both kicked their horses forward. Ryll grappled with the lance for a moment before steadying it in a position aimed at Arthur. Arthur's lance was perfectly balanced. Merlin knew he would pull up before actually hitting Ryll though even if they had tied cloth sacks filled with sheep's wool to the tips of the lances for padding. As the two horses came close to passing, Arthur pulled up and Ryll's lance glanced off of his side. Merlin could see the look of annoyance on her face for Arthur's mercy, but she said nothing.

"Try aiming a little more to the right and a little higher," Arthur called out to her. She nodded, a determined look on her face as she gripped the lance a little tighter. "You're at a disadvantage because your horse is so small. Merlin can bring you one of my horses, if you'd like."

"That's alright," Ryll said. "I'll hold the lance higher." They turned their horses and took positions again. As the horses surged forward, Merlin watched with baited breath as the two lances came toward each opponent. Arthur didn't pull up this time, but when the lance hit Ryll, it hit her shoulder. Ryll's lance struck Arthur straight in the chest. Both faltered, but stayed astride their horses. They turned, Ryll with a triumphant look on her face.

"Very good," Arthur told her.

"You held back."

"I've been doing this for ages. I didn't want to hurt you," Arthur reasoned.

"I suppose that's only fair," Ryll conceded. Merlin sensed that – very much like Arthur – Ryll had an insatiable need to be the best at everything. He watched as Arthur gave her tips and showed her how to knock her opponent off his horse. She listened eagerly, and Merlin could see a glimmer come into her eyes. He'd recognize that look anywhere. She was about to do something that was dangerous and probably not a good idea. It was the look Gaius gave him frequently. Merlin wondered what she was planning.

Ryll and Arthur practiced for close to an hour, and Merlin could see the improvements. Though Arthur had started hitting Ryll each time, she had struck a few blows as well. The armor resisted under Merlin's spell, and Ryll stayed firmly seated in the saddle. After both were panting, Arthur called for a halt.

"You're going to win the tournament tomorrow, Arthur," Ryll told the prince as they rode toward Merlin.

"He usually does. Or rather, always does," Merlin put in, grinning. Arthur gave him a look that clearly said 'shut up.'

"Oh, does he?" Ryll took the bait. "You better watch out. Someone might come along who's better than you." Her eyes sparkled with humor, and Arthur gave her a smile.

"It's possible," he conceded, though Merlin could tell he was just trying to be modest.

"But not probable." Merlin knew that Arthur was the best in the kingdom. He exceeded at all weapons and was both fearless and determined. And he had a sorcerer to help him out though he didn't know it. That always helped.

Arthur handed off the horses to a stable hand while Ryll turned to Merlin. "Will you help me get this chainmail off?" she asked, nodding toward the armory. Merlin cocked his head to the side. Her eyes hinted that she wanted to speak to him.

"Of course."

"I'll see you later, Arthur," she told the prince. She led Merlin back to the armory, putting the lance back in a slot against the wall.

"You were good out there," Merlin told her. "Arthur seemed impressed." Ryll looked pleased though she tried to hide it.

"You think so?"

"I think he's impressed with _you_. I mean, in general." Ryll flushed.

"He might not be if he knew what I was planning," she replied.

"And what exactly are you planning?" Merlin asked.

"Help me get out of this heavy mail and I'll tell you," Ryll bargained.

"Deal." Merlin stepped forward, pulling the mail over Ryll's head, and feeling a bit flustered when his fingers brushed her sides. He dropped the mail on a bench, hoping Ryll didn't notice the heat that had risen to his cheeks. She seemed distracted though, seating herself next to where he had set the chainmail.

"I want to join the tournament," she said abruptly.

"So you weren't joking before?" Merlin asked.

"No, but I wasn't going to admit that to Arthur. He'd never let me enter."

"Then you're going to go against his will and enter anyway?" Merlin asked. This couldn't end well.

"Well, yes, but if he doesn't know, then it won't hurt him. I'm not going to parade around. I'll disguise myself. Dress like a man; keep my hood up. I might even chop off my hair if I need to."

"Don't do that," Merlin said hastily. Ryll looked up at him, surprised. "I mean, everyone would question why your hair was shorter after the tournament. It might be a giveaway," he rushed on to say.

"Good point. Merlin," she turned imploring eyes on him, and he knew that he'd do whatever she asked of him, "I need your help."

"Why do you need my help?" he asked.

"I need to come up with a disguise and some sort of identity that I can take on in order to enter into the tournament. Only noblemen are allowed to enter, so I must pretend I'm someone with a title." She looked up at Merlin, her blue eyes shining. "I need someone I can trust, and I already trust you more than anyone in Camelot." The compliment made him feel happier than he'd ever admit to her.

"What about Morgana?" he asked.

"We're close, but she's Uther's ward. I don't want to put her in a difficult situation."

"But I'm Arthur's servant. He's bound to know there's something going on. I'm not good at lying."

"Arthur's too busy with the tournament; he'll never notice anything," Ryll said.

"Alright, what can I do?" Merlin asked. "I still don't think this is a good idea though. What if you get hurt and your identity has to be revealed?"

"I won't get hurt because I'm going to win that tournament." Ryll spoke with absolute certainty.

"You can't know that. Besides, that means beating Arthur. Why do you want to enter so badly?"

Ryll looked down at her feet for a moment. "To prove I'm worth something," she said quietly after a moment. "To impress Arthur even if he never knows it was me."

Merlin studied her for a moment. "We need to get you some men's clothing, preferably nice quality. I could borrow some of Arthur's clothes. He'll never notice. We can get Gwen to adjust them so they fit you. We can trust her," he added when Ryll looked up at him. "She won't tell anyone."

"Alright. But don't get caught. What about a title?" she asked.

"I overheard Arthur telling Morgana that he doesn't know half the noblemen coming and that he hasn't heard of half of them but he has to act like he has. It would be easy to make up an Earl of someplace or another. I can make a coat of arms for you."

"Good. I have a sword and bow. I'll just borrow one of the horses from the stables. One that no one will notice is missing." She stood, grinning brightly. "This is going to work; I know it."

"It'd better because Arthur would be more than angry if he found out you were entering."

"Thank you for helping me. You don't have to, you know. I'd never forgive myself if I got you in trouble."

"I want to help. You deserve the chance to prove yourself. Even if it's only to yourself."

"Thank you," Ryll repeated, coming forward and hugging him. Merlin awkwardly wrapped his arms around her, surprised at the show of affection.

"Well, I'd better get on," he said after a second, pulling back.

"Yes, me too. I've got to sharpen my sword before tomorrow," Ryll said, backing away as if slightly flustered. "I'll meet you at Gwen's house in half an hour for a fitting, alright?"

"Sounds good."

Merlin watched as she walked away before heading back to the castle, hoping to head off Arthur and snag a few of his clothes before he returned to his room. He was in luck. The prince was still outside or somewhere else in the castle, so Merlin had the chance to rifle through his wardrobe, picking out a tunic Arthur rarely wore and a pare of breeches that were detailed with gold thread. He found a jacket that needed mending as well. He had just slung these over his arm when he heard the door open. He shut the wardrobe with a bang.

Arthur stepped into the room, eyes narrowing when he saw Merlin standing there. "What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes traveling from Merlin to the clothes.

"These need mending. And washing."

"Well never mind those; I never wear them."

"Well, then you won't mind if I get rid of them," Merlin said, inching toward the door.

"I said I never wear them, not that I won't ever wear them," Arthur corrected. "What I really need washed are the clothes that I will be wearing tomorrow. In fact, I believe you were going to wash them a few days ago, but they're still sitting there."

Merlin looked down at the laundry basket. "So they are."

"So maybe instead of washing old clothes, you can wash the clothes that I actually need," Arthur suggested.

"Good idea." Merlin thrust the clothes he was carrying into the basket and grabbed it, heading quickly toward the door. He made a hasty escape, taking the basket with him as he walked to Gwen's house.

"What's this?" Gwen asked when she answered the door. "Arthur's week old laundry?"

"Yes. Well, some of it. I was wondering if you might make a few alterations on some of these?" Merlin asked, pulling out the tunic, breeches, and jacket.

"For Arthur?" Gwen gave him a questioning look. "Or are you taking them for yourself?"

"No, actually…." Merlin didn't quite know how to breach the subject of Ryll and the tournament.

"No, for me," a voice said from the door.


	11. Sir Rowan of Greymark

_Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update. I force myself to write seven page chapters (with the double spacing, of course) so it takes awhile, but if forces me to write well-developed chapters. Otherwise I'll write like three pages and get writer's block. Or selective A.D.D. Good thing I don't write that long of chapters for all my fanfictions otherwise it'd take me eons to update every one. I'm crazy enough trying to write three at a time. _

* * *

-11-

Ryll walked into Gwen's house, watching the exchange between her and Merlin. "I need to dress like a boy for a day, so we borrowed some of Arthur's clothes."

Gwen looked a little confused, but nodded all the same. "Alright. Does Arthur know anything about this?" She aimed this question at Merlin.

"No, nothing at all," he said. "But he never wears those. He'll never notice."

"Alright," Gwen said again. "I'll just need to measure you." She went into another room for a second and then came out with a measuring tool.

"They can be a little big. I don't want them to look too tight," Ryll said. "I appreciate you doing this."

"It's no problem," Gwen replied. She measured Ryll and then turned to the clothes. "When do you need these by?" she asked.

"Umm, tomorrow morning?" Ryll looked at Merlin. "I'm sorry about the late notice."

"That's fine. I can have these ready by tomorrow at dawn," Gwen told her. Whether she made the connection between Ryll's sudden urge to be a boy and the day of the tournament, Ryll didn't know, but the girl didn't say anything.

"Great. I'll come pick them up first thing. Thank you."

Ryll left with Merlin, feeling a little nervous for the first time. "Now we just need to get you some papers that will make it official," Merlin told her. He seemed more cheerful about the whole thing than when she had originally told him her idea.

"You seem happier about all this than before," she voiced her thoughts.

"Well, I just keep imagining the look on Arthur's face when you beat him."

Ryll smiled at this. "Well, he can't ever find out it was me."

"No, but we'll know." Merlin grinned. "All those times he turned me into a moving target…."

Ryll laughed. "If he does find out it's me and that you helped me, then you won't be reveling in his defeat. Not that I'd ever tell him you had anything to do with it."

"Why not?"

"Because he won't punish me by making me muck out his stalls and hold up rings while he practices jousting. You though, he most certainly would do that to. What's the worst he can do to me anyway?"

Merlin's grin faded. "I'd be more worried about what Uther would do."

Ryll thought about his words. "I suppose you're right. I can't see him being too tolerant. Perhaps I should be a little nicer than usual toward him at dinner. Get in his favor just in case."

"Good luck with that. That would be like trying to get friendlier with a Humbata."

Ryll laughed again. "Sounds like fun."

"I'll forge a coat of arms for you and bring it to your room later tonight after dinner," Merlin told her as they reached the castle.

"Alright. Thank you again, Merlin."

"Good luck with Uther." He grinned at her before disappearing down the corridor.

Ryll sighed before heading back to her room to change for dinner. She made sure her sword was polished and bowstring waxed before heading down to the dining hall. She didn't quite know what to expect tomorrow, but she hoped she could cajole Arthur into giving away some of the details of the tournament at dinner.

As she entered the dining hall, she found that Uther was sitting alone. She almost turned and walked straight back to her room, but he had already seen her.

"Ah, Amaryllis, please join me," he said, motioning for her to take a seat. She stepped cautiously into the room, coming to her usual chair and sitting down. She was served. "Arthur is still practicing, and Morgana has a headache, so they won't be joining us," Uther told her.

This was not comforting news to Ryll, but she smiled anyway. "I'm sorry to hear that Morgana is feeling poorly." She took a bite, chewing quickly so as to escape as quickly as she could. "Arthur seems confident that he will win tomorrow," she said off-handedly.

"Well, he is an excellent swordsman and fighter. I can see no man besting him." Uther's tone was so confident. Ryll wondered what he would say if she told him she could best Arthur in a fight. She kept her mouth shut.

"So how does the tournament go? Arthur's told me a few details, but not many."

"It starts out with an archery contest. The best shooters are awarded points but everyone is allowed to move up into the next part of the tournament. That's single-combat sword fighting. In this part, the individual who wins moves up, but those who lose are out of the tournament. Jousting is the third part of the tournament. Here the winners are decided. Those who win the jousting and have scored high in the archery move up to the final round. This is combat with any chosen weapon. The last man standing is the victor."

"That sounds like something to behold," Ryll said. Her blood was pumping as she spoke. She was confident in her abilities, but the thought of all those trials against men twice her size was beginning to sound more daunting than it had before.

"It is. I hope you'll be joining us to watch," he said.

"Of course," Ryll said quickly. Only that would mean being in two places at once. Unless she feigned illness and stayed in bed. She put the back of her hand to her head.

"Are you well?" Uther asked, noticing her action.

"You know, I'm actually feeling a bit peaky." Ryll cleared her throat. "I might take an early night and rest up. I wouldn't want to miss tomorrow."

"Of course."

"Excuse me." Ryll smiled, pushing away from the table and keeping her pace steady as she left the dining hall. She glanced back as she left, but Uther was already distracted and paid her no glance.

After she was away from the dining hall, Ryll hurried toward her room. She turned a corner sharply and collided with something solid. She felt hands grip her elbows to steady her, and looked up to find herself facing Arthur. He was still in his armor, his face streaked with sweat and a bit of dirt from hard practice.

"Sorry," she said, smiling sheepishly.

"Where are you hurrying off to? I hope dinner with my father wasn't that bad."

Ryll laughed. "Just a little awkward. But I'm just headed back to my room, I'm afraid I'm not feeling entirely well. Perhaps I overworked myself today."

Arthur frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be better by tomorrow. You wouldn't want to miss out on the tournament."

"No, definitely not. I'm sure I'll be feeling better by then," Ryll said, smiling. "I'll just go to bed early and hopefully sleep will cure whatever ill I have."

Arthur still had his hands on her arms. He cleared his throat, taking a step back and letting her go. "Sorry," he said, pink flushing his cheeks.

Ryll smiled. "I hope you mean to take a bath before going anywhere," she said playfully.

Arthur laughed. "Is that any way to speak to a prince?"

"Only one that smells as sweaty as you." Ryll sidestepped him, laughing all the way down the hall. When she reached her room, she found that Merlin was already there.

"Have you got the coat of arms?" she asked, shutting the door behind her.

"Got it." He grinned, holding up a paper. "You are officially Sir Rowan of Greymark."

"Did you just make that town up?"

"Nope, it's a city. A small one. No one will know that Sir Rowan doesn't actually exist."

"You sound confident. What if Uther knows I'm a fraud just by my name?"

"You're not going to back out now, are you?" Merlin asked.

"No," Ryll said quickly. "Of course not."

Merlin's smile slid. "I wouldn't think any less of you if you did, you know," he said. "It is risky."

"I know that, but I want to go through with it." She smiled at him. "After all, you did go to a lot of effort to create Sir Rowan of Greymark." She rolled up the paper and put it on her bedside table.

"Have you got everything you need?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, I think so. I have weapons. I'll have clothes in the morning. I borrowed some armor from the armory that sort of fits. Well enough anyway."

"I picked out a horse for you. He's in the last stall in the stables. I'll have him ready for you tomorrow at dawn."

"Thank you, Merlin."

"No one will recognize you."

"I certainly hope not or all this effort will be for nothing. Arthur's seen me fight a little, but not with a sword."

"I can't wait to see you out there."

"I hope I don't let you down."

"You won't."

"You've never even seen me fight."

"I've seen you shoot archery and joust. You're incredible. Arthur's going to meet his match."

Ryll smiled. "We'll see."

"What about Uther? Won't he think it odd if you're not watching the tournament?" Merlin asked.

"I pretended I was feeling ill at dinner. He and Arthur won't be too suspicious if I fall too ill to go to the tournament tomorrow. Maybe you can help cover me?"

"Sure. I can tell Arthur that I treated you but you're not feeling well enough to go to the tournament."

"I just hope he buys it."

"You should get some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow. I'll get everything ready for you," Merlin said.

"Aren't you going to be helping Arthur get ready?" Ryll asked.

"Yes, but I'll manage both."

"Alright, but Arthur will tan you if you aren't there to help him into his armor. The boy can fight, but he can't even dress himself." Ryll and Merlin laughed at this. "Alright, maybe that was a little harsh. What's the point of being a prince if you can't even take advantage of having a title and having people cater to your ever wish?"

"Speaking of which, Arthur will be wanting a bath. I should go fill the tub."

"He was headed that way a few minutes ago. If he asks where you were, just say I asked you to do me a favor. He might not dump a bucket over your head then."

"Good idea." Merlin turned to leave. "Good luck tomorrow," he said before opening the door. "I know you'll do great."

Ryll smiled at him. After he left, she sank onto her bed. If she was going to do well, she'd better get a good night's rest. Her nerves were on edge. She jumped up, opening her door and calling out Merlin's name. "If it isn't too much trouble," she said to him, "could you bring me a sleeping draft, please? I'm afraid I'll never be able to sleep tonight."

"Of course. I'll bring it to you after I fill Arthur's bath."

Ryll lay in bed waiting for Merlin, half hoping she could just fall asleep, but her eyes stayed open and her mind was wide awake. A tapping came on her door an hour later. She got up and opened it to find a very somber looking Merlin. "He didn't believe me when I said I was doing something for you," he said, stepping into the room. "I even told him I was getting you a sleeping draft."

"He's just nervous about tomorrow," Ryll consoled him.

"He didn't look nervous. Just angry and irritable and obnoxious."

Ryll shook her head. "That's what he does to hide his nerves. I've seen it before."

"Here's your sleeping draft. Just take two sips and you should fall right to sleep," Merlin said, holding out a small vial with deep blue liquid.

"Thank you. I'm just wide awake thinking about tomorrow."

"Why are you so nervous?" Merlin asked, watching as she took two sips of the potion. "Are you afraid of the fighting or afraid you'll get caught?"

"I guess both," Ryll said sleepily. The draft was taking effect almost at once. "After all, I'd hate to be in disfavor with Uther or Arthur. I have nowhere else to call home, and I don't want to leave." She set the vial on the bedside table and lay down, pulling the blankets up to her chin.

"You'll be fine. I'll make sure you don't get caught," Merlin said. Ryll nodded sleepily.

"You're a good friend, Merlin," she said, yawning. Then she was asleep, her dreams calm and deep.

…

As Merlin headed back to his room, he couldn't help but wonder if he had been right in helping Ryll with her plan. She might have gone on with it without him, but the thought of putting her in danger was not a happy one. She was so determined. He wasn't sure exactly what she was trying to prove. Arthur was already enamored with her – that much was obvious. She'd saved his and Morgana's lives. She had everything. Why risk it all for this tournament? _Maybe she needs to prove something to herself_.

"Merlin?"

Merlin jumped as a voice called out to him. He turned around to see Morgana, wrapped in a robe. Her hair was tousled and she looked extremely tired as if she hadn't slept for nights.

"I'm sorry to trouble you, but I was hoping to get a sleeping draft from Gaius. I've been having nightmares again," she said.

Merlin could see fear flickering at the edges of her hazel eyes. He wondered what she'd been dreaming of. "Of course. I was just headed that way. Do you want me to bring you some?"

"I'll come with you. I don't want to trouble you."

"It's no trouble."

Morgana followed Merlin back to the physician's court where she waited silently while he prepared a sleeping draft. Gaius was tending to a sick noble, but Merlin had seen him mix the sleeping draft enough times to make it himself. He'd used up the rest of Gaius's supply with Ryll's potion.

"Excited for the tournament tomorrow?" Merlin asked.

Morgana jumped a little as if she had been lost in her thoughts. "Not really," she replied, her spirit returning. "Watching men bash themselves up all in the name of glory doesn't really appeal to me."

"No, I can understand that. It seems a little pointless." Merlin capped off the bottle. "Here you go." He handed it to Morgana.

"Thank you, Merlin." She turned to leave, but hesitated. "Merlin, have you noticed anything odd about Ryll?" The question hung in the air. Merlin's smile faded.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Morgana shook her head, her curls falling over her shoulder and blocking her face for a moment. "I'm not sure. I don't mean that I think she's untrustworthy. She's a good friend. It's nothing; I'm sorry." She smiled nervously. "Sometimes it's hard to tell dreams from reality." She slipped from the room before Merlin could question her words.

Had she dreamt something about Ryll? Merlin thought back to Ryll's behavior. The only thing she had ever done was healed quickly. He thought they'd been able to avoid suspicion, but perhaps he was wrong and some people were beginning to suspect. He knew Morgana would never speak word of Ryll's power to Uther if she knew, but Merlin thought it wise to keep Ryll's healing power between him and her. He didn't want Morgana to be in a position where she had to lie to her guardian. Her words still haunted him though. Gaius had told Merlin that Morgana had been having nightmares for many years, but Merlin wondered if they really were just nightmares. What if they were glimpses of the future? What if she had seen something involving Ryll?

He shook his head. These thoughts were getting him nowhere and he was beginning to worry over nothing. He headed to his room, changing into his sleep clothes before crawling under the blankets. He'd do well to get some sleep since he was going to be up at the crack of dawn helping both Ryll and Arthur prepare for the tournament. He shut his eyes and, despite his worries, found himself drifting off moments later.


	12. The Making of a Knight

-12-

_She held her sword tightly in her grip, her hands curled around the hilt as if her life depended on it. But it did, didn't it. After all, this was a fight for life. Death teased her in her enemy's eyes. She lifted the sword. The blade glowed silver. She swung, swift as a viper, staining the metal crimson. It dripped into the dirt at her feet, and her enemy fell. He fumbled with his helmet as he went down to the ground, final lifting it free from his head. Blonde hair framed a handsome face and piercing blue eyes made her breath catch in her throat. _

_She began to scream. _

_Over and over she screamed. "No!" she cried out as the life faded from his eyes. "This wasn't meant to happen! It wasn't me!" She felt something stir within her: a shadow, a shade. It had swayed her hand; it had struck the final blow. _

_She dropped the sword and knelt on the ground, taking the boy's head in her hands. "Arthur, I'm sorry," she said, her tears mingling with his skin. She watched as the life left his body. _

Ryll sat straight up in bed, her sides heaving. "NO!" she screamed. Then she realized it had only been a dream. A horrible dream that had felt so real. She looked down at her hands. Did they really have the power to strike down someone she cared about? What if she wasn't in control of her own actions? She looked over at the sleeping draft. Wasn't that supposed to chase away bad dreams? Her hands were shaking, she realized, as she reached out for the bottle and tapped two more drops into her mouth. Weariness overcame her, and she sunk back under the blankets, pulling them up to her chin as if they would ward off nightmares. "I will never hurt you, Arthur," she mumbled before falling back asleep. The last thought she had was: _What if winning means hurting him? _

…

When Ryll awoke again, it was to the sound of someone rustling around her room. Then the covers were pulled unexpectedly off of her head. She had been burrowed down so deeply that only a small portion of her face hadn't been engulfed by the blankets.

"Don't do that!" she snapped sleepily, not fully realizing what was going on.

"You're going to be late if you laze around." It was Merlin. Ryll opened her eyes slightly, glaring at him.

"What on earth does that sleeping draft have in it? First I have nightmares, then I wake up feeling like someone hit me over the head with a log."

"I have just the thing." Merlin pulled out another vial. Ryll groaned. "This one will give you energy. Trust me." He frowned. "But you say you had nightmares even after taking the draft?"

Ryll nodded. "It was probably nothing." Merlin didn't look convinced, but he didn't press the subject. He handed Ryll the vial and she drank the whole thing at his request. She did feel slightly more energized afterwards. She put her legs over the side of the bed.

"Have my clothes arrived?" she asked.

"Not yet. I was just going to pick them up," Merlin told her. "It's not even dawn yet."

"No wonder I don't want to wake up. Is Arthur up yet?"

"Not yet. I'll wake him in a little while and make sure to tell him that you're feeling very sickly this morning."

"Will he believe you?" Ryll asked.

"I think so. I'll tell him Gaius examined you and that you're highly contagious."

Ryll made a face. "Thanks."

"Well, he might want to come visit you before he goes off to fight otherwise."

"Why would he do that?"

"You know." Merlin had that look on his face again.

"You're making assumptions," Ryll told him firmly. "Now go fetch me my clothes."

"You're starting to sound like Arthur." Ryll threw a pillow at him, but he dodged it. "I'm getting fast reflexes," he explained before leaving to find Gwen.

Ryll contented herself with polishing her sword while she waited. Truth be told, the nightmare was still fresh in her mind despite the lack of dreams she'd had after taking the sleeping draft a second time. Images of Arthur dying kept plaguing her mind. What if she did hurt him? She'd never do that on purpose, but still…. It was a dangerous tournament. She remembered the shadow and how it had moved her hand to strike Arthur down in her dream. She wouldn't let that happen. No matter what the cost, she would never hurt Arthur. Even if it meant losing the tournament.

…

Merlin was nearly out the castle doors when he met Gwen, her arms loaded with the altered clothing.

"Gwen, just who I was looking for," Merlin greeted her.

"Merlin. I have the clothes right here." She handed them off to him. "Don't let Arthur see you with those."

"Oh, I won't," Merlin said, grinning.

Gwen hesitated. "I know it's none of my business, but I can't help but wonder if Ryll asking for these clothes and the tournament today are related somehow. Something tells me you're in on this."

"This what? There is no this. I don't know what you mean," Merlin said in a rush. He was a terrible liar, but he tried.

"I'm not going to tell anyone. I just think it's dangerous."

"Don't worry. She knows what she's doing," Merlin assured her.

Gwen nodded, her face somber. "I hope so," she said. "I like her. She's got a lot of spirit, just like Morgana. I can tell Arthur's taken a fancy to her. The way he looks at her."

"Yeah, I've seen that too." Merlin's smile slid a little.

Gwen scrutinized him. "You don't look to happy about that."

"Well, Arthur's always getting the girl, isn't he?"

"You like her too." A smile grew on Gwen's lips.

"Me? No, just as friends."

"You're a terrible liar, Merlin. I've seen the way you look at her too."

"I don't know what you mean." But really he did, as much as he tried to hide the fact even from himself.

"Well, tell her good luck for me anyway," Gwen said, changing the subject.

"I will." Merlin said goodbye to Gwen before heading back to Ryll's room. He dropped off her clothes before heading to Arthur's room to wake the prince. As usual, Arthur was sprawled out on his stomach, one arm hanging over the side of the bed. As Merlin stepped toward the bed, he tripped over the shield that sat against one of the chairs. It went crashing to the floor, taking down a sword with it. Arthur jolted awake, looking around before focusing on Merlin.

"Merlin, can you take at least one day off from your usual clumsiness?"

"Sorry, Sire, it just happens."

"Yes, I know." Arthur stood, stretching, before grabbing a tunic and pulling it over his head.

"Oh, Ryll asked me to tell you that she's feeling really ill this morning. Gaius checked on her. She's not going to be leaving her room for a few days. She feels really bad about not watching the tournament though."

Arthur's face fell slightly. "I'm sorry that she's ill. I'll visit her before I go out to-"

"Oh, no, that wouldn't be advisable. She's … possibly contagious. Nothing terrible, but you wouldn't want to risk it before the tournament. Besides, she's sleeping now."

"Alright."

Merlin hid his surprise at Arthur's agreement. "Well then, I will bring you some breakfast-"

"I don't think I can eat this morning," Arthur cut him off.

"Too nervous?" Merlin asked cheerily.

"I don't get nervous, Merlin. We've been over this."

"You need your strength."

"Alright, something small," Arthur consented.

…

Merlin returned with a piping hot bowl of porridge and three rolls of sausage. "Eat up!" he said, setting the food on the table. Arthur was already dressed, much to Merlin's surprise. He walked over to the food, his face slightly pained.

"If you won't eat it, I will. It looks good," Merlin said, making to sit in the chair.

"Don't even think about it, Merlin. You're not the one who's going to be wielding a sword today." Arthur took his seat.

"I should hope not."

"You probably can't even lift a sword."

"I can. I lift one every time I help you get dressed."

Arthur glanced up at him, eyes narrowed. "That doesn't count. I've seen you try to be helpful with a sword. It's pathetic."

Merlin knew Arthur was only nervous and trying to hide his nerves by taking out his anger on Merlin. He grinned. "Eat your porridge," he said cheekily. Arthur glared at him for a moment as if trying to figure out whether he wanted to eat the porridge or flop the bowl over Merlin's head. In the end, he dutifully lifted his spoon and began to eat.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Merlin said, edging toward the door.

"Why, where are you off to? You need to help me get into my armor."

"I'll be back. There's just something I need to do." He ducked out the door before Arthur could protest.

On the way to Ryll's room, Merlin tried to stay out of sight. If he was seen going to her room too often, someone might get suspicious. He knocked before going in, waiting to hear Ryll's voice. When he entered, she was trying her hair back in a low bun. The long, golden blonde strands once neatly packed back would stay under her helmet, and hopefully no one would recognize her. She turned to look at him. Her blue eyes were clear – the energy potion was taking effect.

"Oh, Merlin, I feel as if I just got the best night's rest ever. I don't even remember what my nightmare was about. I don't feel nervous anymore either."

"Good. Just don't get overconfident."

"Oh, I won't. Can you help me get into my armor?" she asked.

"Of course."

She was dressed in Arthur's clothes. They fit her without being too loose. Where they were just slightly unimpressive clothes on Arthur, they looked incredible on Ryll. She looked ready to take up a sword and fight dozens of men twice her size. Merlin couldn't wait to see her in her armor.

"We should get you down to a tent where you can change. They've set them up for each knight along the border of the fighting ring. There's one for you."

"I need to make sure no one recognizes me," Ryll said. She grabbed a cloak and pulled the hood far over her head so that it hid her features.

"Can you take the armor? I'll get my sword and bow."

They made their way downstairs stealthily, coming across a few bustling servants, but no one who would give them away. Ryll's tent was set up along the edge. They went in, Merlin setting down the armor, and Ryll throwing back her hood.

She had chosen light armor to protect herself. "I'm fast," she said when Merlin expressed his worries. "I'm also smaller and not as strong, so I don't want to weigh myself down."

He helped her pull some chainmail over her head. It fit surprisingly well. Next he helped her into a breastplate that went over the shoulders and fitted to her body to protect her from heavy blows. Again, it fit well. "These were made for someone a lot smaller than a knight," Ryll said. "I found them stowed away. I think they might have been Arthur's when he was a boy."

"Won't he recognize them?" Merlin asked.

"Hopefully not. They're pretty nondescript."

Next came armguards and a helmet. Lastly the black cloak. Merlin stood back to admire his handiwork. "You look like a true knight," he said, catching his breath.

"Really?" Ryll asked, her voice slightly muffled behind the helmet. "I wish I had a mirror."

"How does it feel?"

"It fits, and it's not too heavy." She held out her sword. "Will you do the honor?" she asked.

"Sure." Merlin belted the sword around her waist and then put her quiver over her shoulders so that it rested against her back.

"I think I'm ready."

"The tournament starts in an hour. I'd better go help Arthur get into his armor. He'll be furious by now."

"I hope I didn't get you in trouble," Ryll said apologetically. She pulled her helmet off, careful to keep her hair in place.

"It's fine." Merlin hesitated. "Look, I know it's usually the woman who gives the knight her handkerchief, but I was hoping that you would take this to wear." He felt himself blushing slightly as he pulled the red scarf from his neck. He handed it to Ryll. Her eyes widened slightly as she took it.

"Thank you," she said, looking down at the scarf. "This means a lot to me."

"For luck," Merlin said. Ryll wound it around her neck.

"Thank you, Merlin." She leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, and he felt himself getting redder. She squeezed his hand and then stepped back.

"Well, I'd better go help Arthur," he said, stepping back and nearly tripping.

Ryll smiled at him, her eyes glowing. "I'll see you out there," she said.

"I'll be rooting for you."

…

Ryll felt her anxieties returning as the hour wore on. She pulled the cloak over her head and retrieved her horse. It was in the last stall as Merlin had told her it would be. He was a black gelding. Much bigger than Owl. He was a warhorse. She grabbed the proper tack and led him back to her tent where she tied him up outside. She was set.

The morning shone brightly outside, but she didn't dare go out there. She kept her helmet near at hand, waiting to put it on so that she could still breathe freely.

An hour passed and she heard the trumpets. It was time.

She put on her helmet, grabbed her bow and marched out to the battle ring.


	13. The Tournament

_Author's note: I'm so sorry for such a long wait. I've had this chapter partially written for ages and have been picking away at it. I recently got hired as a substitute teacher plus I still have a part-time job in a gift store, so I'm working two jobs and lacking time. Plus I recently got re-obsessed with Supernatural and can't stop watching it on Netflix... Blame Sam and Dean. Haha, kidding. Anyway, here you go. Apologies if there are any typos. I'm too tired to correct them now. I'll try to do that later. And I'll try to keep writing!_

-13-

The crowd cheered as the knights walked out into the arena. Ryll felt her blood pulsing through her veins as excitement mixed with fear. She was doing it. This was real. She gripped the pommel of her sword with her left hand, squeezing it to let out some of her nerves. She saw Uther stand, Morgana at his side, and wave a hand to silence the crowd.

"Welcome all to the Tournament of Knights where each man will be tested on his skills at archery, sword fighting, and jousting. The rules are as follows: each man must uphold the knight's code showing chivalry to each opponent. May the best man win! Let the tournament begin!"

The cheering started up again. Targets were rolled out into the arena and the knights began to line up, five at a time, to shoot. To Ryll's horror, she saw that each knight had taken off his helmet so that he could see the target more clearly. Her armor allowed her to move easily enough to shoot, but she couldn't shoot straight with a helmet. She slipped behind a line of knights watching, pulling off her helmet and hiding her face under the deep hood of her cloak. She looked around, but no one had noticed. Everyone's eyes were set on the shooting. She sighed, tucking the helmet under her arm and stringing her bow. She got back in line and waited for her turn to come. There were moans and cheers from the crowd as each knight shot. The round was scored from three shots each. The total score was added up for later in the tournament. Ryll eyed the multicolored targets. So far the knights had hit the red and blue circles but none yet had hit the golden circle worth nine points or the innermost X that marked the ten-point bull's eye. She smiled smugly.

When her turn came, Ryll confidently took her spot. A few knights had gotten bull's eyes, but none in the dead center and no more than one for their set of arrows. She waited for the command to draw and aim. "Fire!" Five arrows were released. Ryll's arrow hit the line between the gold and the red. Since it had hit the line, it counted as nine points. Not good enough though.

"Ready, draw, aim…. Fire!"

She shot. This time the arrow hit just outside the X within the gold circle.

The crowd cheered. She looked over to where Arthur stood. He watched her appraisingly. He didn't suspect yet. She pushed back her fear.

She readied her third arrow, this time counting her breaths. _In, out, in, out…_ She made sure her hand was anchored right along her jawbone, the fletchings tickling her cheek. "Fire!" She let the arrow soar. It hit the exact center of the target with a satisfying thump. The crowd went wild. She smiled to herself, stepping back from the firing line.

Arthur was in the last group of archers. He had a crossbow as opposed Ryll's recurve bow. He was very accurate. In fact, he scored all in the gold. One point less than Ryll. The crowd went wild for him, and Ryll clapped politely.

For the next round, the targets were pulled back and the archers took their places once more. Ryll watched with baited breath as the archers shot. Most missed the bull's eye by a few inches, some even hit the black and blue circles. When Ryll took her place, she let her breath even out. The roar of the crowd disappeared, and she was standing alone, bow at her side, target before her. She took a deep breath and drew, notching the arrow and touching the feathers to her jaw line. Her eyes narrowed in on the bull's eye.

"Fire!" She released. The arrow twanged as it left the taut string. It embedded itself in the center of the bull's eye. There was a roar from the crowd.

"Ready, aim!" She readied herself again, letting the sound of the crowd disappear, listening to the wind and aiming her arrow slightly to the left to counter it.

"Fire!" Another arrow in the center of the target, brushing the other arrow. She didn't let herself get excited. She went through the actions again, and the third arrow embedded itself directly next to the others forming a cluster around the exact center of the bull's eye. The crowd was cheering for her now. She stepped back from the line, self-consciously touching her hood to make sure it still covered her face entirely.

"Good shooting," someone said from behind her. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She recognized Arthur's voice.

"Thank you," she said without looking around. Arthur stepped up to take his place on the line, crossbow ready. He did well this round too, but not as well as Ryll. She felt a trill of excitement. She was already winning.

The first round was over and the knights went back to their tents to prepare for the next round. The crowd cheered them out of the arena. Ryll found Merlin waiting in her tent when she got back.

"You were amazing," he said, smiling.

"Thank you." Ryll threw back her hood, grinning. "Do you think anyone suspects me?" she asked.

"No, I don't think anyone would guess that you're a girl."

"Thanks."

"I didn't mean girls can't fight, just…."

"I know, most people don't think girls can fight."

"You can."

"Sword fighting next, right?" Ryll picked up her sword.

"Yeah. Are you ready?" Merlin asked. Ryll looked over at Merlin. She could see some worry lingering behind his eyes though he tried to hide it.

"Yes. I think so." Ryll flexed her arm. "I've just never fought quite like this. Single-combat with men twice if not three times my size. But I'm quick. I'm strong enough to hold my own."

A horn sounded from beyond the tent. Ryll looked over to the entrance of the tent. "It's time," she said. She slid her sword into its sheath and slid the helmet over her head.

"Good luck."

Ryll nodded before stepping out of the tent. The arena had been cleared and the knights were lined up. Numbers were handed out at random to make up the order or the fights. Ryll reached forward to draw a seven. They paired off. Ryll felt a stab of fear. What if Arthur was her opponent? She was somewhat relieved to see that it wasn't him. Her opponent was a tall, muscular looking man. Fortunately, he was not as big as some of the knights in the arena. They went in turns, each fighting against the other. The winners moved onto the next round while the losers were disqualified. Ryll waited anxiously for her turn to come around. When it did, she steadied herself, pushing back fear as she faced the other knight. Swords were drawn and the signal was given to start fighting.

He swung first, forceful and sudden. Ryll hardly had a chance to bring up her sword to block the blow. The blow hit her sword with such a force that she staggered backwards, arm vibrating painfully. She bit down, trying not to cry out. She recovered as quickly as she could, feigning toward the right and then catching the knight off guard toward the left. It was a matter of staying ahead of him. She darted aside as he swung at her and then brought her sword up toward his head. He blocked and she swung her sword around, knocking his aside with quick precision. She felt her arm recover as the ring worked its magic. She felt a twinge of guilt. She should have taken it off before competing. This wasn't fair.

She shook the thought from her head. Right now she needed to win. Or survive at the least. Her opponent swung his sword at her head. She ducked. Then leapt as he swung at her feet. His motions angered her. She swung back at him, catching his sword squarely in front of him and heaving him off balance before sending a frenzy of sword slashes at him, pushing him back and leaving him no chance to fight back. He parried every blow, but she could see his arms weakening under her blows. Ryll executed a couple of complicated swipes and the knight tripped, his feet tangling as they tried to follow Ryll's. She finished him off by knocking his sword out of his hands. She brought the point of her blade to his neck, showing that she was the winner. Cheers went up from the crowd. She pulled back, offering a hand to the fallen knight. He took it, and she heaved him up.

"Good fighting," he said, bowing slightly.

She nodded. "You too," she said, glad her voice was muffled by her helmet. She sheathed her sword, taking her place in the lineup of winners. She felt as if her head were on fire. Sweat dripped down her brow, but she couldn't take her helmet off. How could knights stand to wear armor like this? She felt fatigued, but with jousting she could at least sit down for awhile – even if it was on a moving horse as an opponent tried to knock her off.

Slowly the knights fought until the winners were lined up in one line and the losers were escorted out of the arena. Arthur had moved on easily, taking out his enemy in less than a minute. Ryll had watched in awe as he fought. She was quick-footed, sure, but he was plain strong. Everything he did was calculated and backed with a force to be reckoned with. For a second she doubted herself. She'd just have to fight harder if she faced him – when she faced him. She bit her lip. There was a lot of fighting left; she knew she shouldn't get overconfident.

The knights were given a twenty-minute respite to cool off before the jousting began. Ryll made her way wearily back to her tent. She took off her helmet, sighing with relief.

Merlin came into her tent, startling her. "Sorry," he said, seeing her jump. "I just wanted to bring you some water to cool off your face." He presented her with a bowl and a cloth.

"Thank you. It's so hot in that helmet, I thought I was going to melt."

"I have to get back to Arthur, but you're doing great." He threw her a grin before rushing out of the tent.

Ryll washed her face, letting the cool water run down the back of her armor. Jousting next. She was a brilliant horse rider, but she had only had occasion to joust once and that was with Arthur the previous morning. It was insane going into the competition like this, but she had to do it. She tried to convince herself that she could win. When the horn rang out for the third round, Ryll put on her helmet and grabbed her jousting lance. Her horse stood steady as she mounted and rode out toward the arena. The knights rode once around the arena and then lined up to receive numbers again. This time Ryll was third. She cringed.

The first two riders prepared themselves. Their jousting lances held out before them, they kicked their horses into motion. The two steeds surged forward, never hesitating as the other rider neared, lance pointed straight at his rider. Ryll was suddenly glad she had a real war horse to ride. Owl might be alright in battle, but she would shy away from jousting – at least jousting with a crowd roaring and other horses on the sidelines champing at the bit. It would be too much for her. It was almost too much for Ryll.

One rider went flying as the jousting lance hit him square in the chest. The crowd let out moans and cheers as the victor rode out of the arena and the loser moved on after collecting his horse.

Ryll was up next. It had come so fast, she hardly had time to prepare herself. She rode up to where she was supposed to start, the black horse trotting steadily out to meet his opponent. He pawed at the ground, the feathers around his hooves flying. At least someone was confident. She lifted the lance. Suddenly it felt so heavy. For a moment she panicked, but then she remembered Arthur's instruction. She held it up, positioning it against the saddle and holding it firmly in place. A horn rang out and her horse sprang into action, causing her to lose her balance for a moment. She righted herself quickly, repositioning the lance and staring down her opponent through the slit in her helmet. She felt light-headed, like she might suffocate. Everything seemed to slow for a moment – the rider was taking forever to get to her. Then he was suddenly there. Ryll brought her lance up a fraction of an inch at the last minute and felt the satisfying pressure of it striking the other knight. He lurched backwards but not before his lance struck Ryll's arm with a pain so strong she nearly fell off her horse. She cried out in pain. The other rider went down hard, his horse galloping away from him, startled by the motion. Ryll brought her horse up, somehow managing to keep the lance in her grip. Everyone was cheering for her. She winced in pain, riding back to her tent.

She sunk onto the cot after tying up her horse. It didn't feel fair healing. She reached up and pulled the ring from her neck. The pain worsened in her arm. She bit back a moan. "It's not fair to heal," she said to herself. It wouldn't really feel like winning if she healed every wound and ache she received in battle. But if she won without using the ring; then she would feel like she really had won.

"You've made it to the fourth round," Merlin's voice came from the entrance of the tent. Ryll looked up at him, eyes blurring a little with weariness. "Are you alright?" He looked down at her hands, spotting the ring she had taken off. "Why did you take it off?" he asked in alarm.

"It's not fair to heal when everyone else has to suffer. I want to win fairly," Ryll told him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" His eyes were rimmed with worry.

"I don't want to have an advantage."

"But you're already at a disadvantage…."

"Am I?" Ryll looked up at him.

"I don't mean that you're weak," he said quickly. "I just mean, realistically."

"I know what you mean. Will you keep it safe for me?" She held it out to him. He looked questioningly at her. "I trust you. So please trust me to do this."

He hesitated and then took the ring from her, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket. "I'll keep it for you, but if you need it-"

"Then I'll know who to find."

"Good luck. You have another twenty-minute respite then it's the fight where you choose your weapon of choice. The last man standing is the winner." Ryll nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Truthfully she was a little sore and a lot exhausted, but she dabbed her face with the damp cloth. Her arm hurt, but at least it was her left arm, not her right. "I'm ready."

"Are you using your sword?" Merlin asked.

Ryll nodded. "I'm best with a sword next to the bow." She nodded toward the arena. "How is Arthur doing?"

"He drew number twenty, so he should be up soon. I should get back out there."

"Of course."

"Good luck. I know you'll do well."

Ryll watched him leave. She sat back down and winced in pain. Everything hurt. She knew it could be worse, but it felt as if she had fallen off a galloping horse, been attacked by a humbata, and beat in the arm with a club. She kept her mind on the prize: winning a tournament against men, proving she could be strong, be a knight. She had gotten this far.

The horn sounded after what seemed like hours. The jousters were done, the twenty minutes was up. Ryll felt herself going through the motions. She sheathed her sword once more, putting on her helmet.

When she entered the arena there were only nine knights left. They lined up. Arthur was at the head. Ryll positioned herself at the other end of the line. The crowd cheered them on until Uther rose, waving his hand until the crowd was quiet. Ryll saw Morgana at his side. Her eyes passed over Ryll, and then stopped on her. Ryll looked down. There was no way Morgana could know it was her, but something about her gaze made Ryll wonder. When she looked up again, Morgana was looking elsewhere. She sighed. The chances of someone recognizing her in her armor were slim.

"People of Camelot," Uther began. "Here we have our knights who have faced three of the four trials. They have proven themselves to be strong in battle. Now comes the fourth and final part of the tournament. Each knight will have his weapon of choice. The last man standing is the winner. The rules are this: keep to the knight's code; show mercy; and be brave. Let the fourth trial begin!"

The knights stepped out into the arena. Ryll drew her sword, eyeing the men around her. She was small; they'd probably pass her by for awhile. The horn sounded and the fighting began.

Ryll turned to face a knight who swung a mace at her. She noticed Arthur across the arena. Good – she wouldn't have to face him yet. She swung her sword up to catch the mace, letting the weapon wrap around her sword before thrusting the sword into the ground. She kicked out, unbalancing the knight and loosening his grip on the mace. She pushed her advantage and drew her sword out of the loosened chain of the mace. She thrust the hilt at his helmet, knocking him down to the ground. He lay unconscious. She moved on to her next opponent, skillfully knocking his sword aside within a few swift motions. Her arm was beginning to ache worse than ever and her sword arm was tiring. She kept going, working her way around the outskirts of the skirmish. Two more knights fell to her blade, knocked unconscious. She turned to face the next. A shadow flitted at the edge of her vision. She whirled around. There was no one there. She felt something touch her shoulder and she whirled around, but all the knights were engaged across the field. Was she losing her mind? It had to be weariness taking a toll on her. Then she saw it. Across the arena behind where Arthur was fighting sword against axe. It was a shadowed figure with features hidden behind a black cowl. It was the figure she had seen in her nightmares. Ryll felt her heart speed up. Was she hallucinating? She wasn't dreaming now. She felt a sharp pain in her right arm and turned around to see that a knight had come up behind her while she was distracted. She swung her sword to catch the next blow, but a jolt of pain snaked up to her shoulder and she almost dropped her sword.

And then another knight came forward to engage them. She slipped aside as the two men went at each other, the newcomer trying to catch the other off guard. The newcomer knocked the sword from the other's hands and brought him to his knees. The other yielded. Ryll took advantage and hacked at the knight's sword, carrying out a series of vicious and quick jabs. He was tired and weakened as she swiftly dodged his blows with nimble feet. Finally she thrust him down, knocking the sword from his hands.

She was trembling now. Shaking out of pure exhaustion. She turned to face the remaining knights, sword weak in her hand.

One stood.

Ryll met Arthur's eyes from across the field. It was like her vision. The shadow still hovered at his shoulder, looking straight at Ryll. She was terrified. More terrified than she had ever been in her life before. Her nightmare was coming true. She wanted to stop, wanted to give up, but the end was in sight and Arthur was already coming at her, sword raised. She mustered her last reserves of strength and ran forward to meet him.

It was like no sword fight she had ever experienced before. She found strength and quickness when she thought none existed, counter-attacking and attacking Arthur with a furious force. Everything up until this point had been a game. This was the real thing. She brought out the best of her skills and it was like dancing.

Their feet moved in rhythm, one never caught off guard when the other lunched or darted. The two swords were silver blurs within the air, one glancing off the other with a resounding clang. Everyone was silent in the crowds, watching with baited breath. For the time, Ryll even forgot about the shadow.

The fight seemed to go on forever. Time seemed to slow and everything seemed to fade so that it was her and Arthur and their swords. Then her foot slipped, her arm seized up and she was on her knees before him. It was as if her mind played out the next few seconds before she could react. Her sword was still in hand. With one last surge of strength, she rolled to the side, jumping to her feet and swinging her sword so hard at Arthur's that he lost his grip on it. The sword flew through the air to land a few feet away. Ryll was breathing hard. She had done it. She had won.

She blinked, still on her knees. She couldn't do it. She couldn't win. She realized this now. There was no way she could win without revealing her identity. She couldn't do that and rub a victory in Arthur's face. She let the sword drop from her hand. She knew she could have beaten him, but she didn't.

The crowd roared for their prince. Ryll felt a trickle of disappointment, but what was she trying to prove? She got this far. She had proven to herself that she could. Arthur held out a hand to help her to her feet. Ryll took it hesitantly.

"Well done," Arthur told her. "That was incredible swordsmanship."

She ducked her head. "Thank you. You too." She meant to duck away, to disappear. She had a foot in the right direction. But then Uther spoke.

"Our victor is none other than your Prince Arthur." This was met with raucous applause. "And in a close second is Sir Rowan of Greymark," he added. "That was some skilled sword fighting. Please, join us at the victory feast." He motioned toward Ryll. She froze.

"Please do," Arthur told her. "Maybe you could teach me a thing or two about footwork," he added, smiling.

"Sir Rowan? You may take off your helmet and show the people your face," Uther said, his smile slipping.

Ryll's blood froze.

"Is something wrong?" Arthur asked.

Ryll looked up at him. She could see no way out of this. "You might not like what you see," she said.

Arthur smiled weakly, a confused expression on his face. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked.

Ryll took a deep breath. She could see Merlin standing in the distance, his face tense with worry. "I mean," Ryll paused to pull the helmet from her head, "you might not like who I am."

There were gasps from the crowd as Ryll's honey hair fell in curls around her shoulders, set off against the chain mail. She couldn't take her eyes off of Arthur. His expression had gone from confused to angry.

"What's this?" Uther's voice rang out. "This is against the rules."

Morgana looked at her with fear in her eyes as if to say 'what have you done?' Merlin stood motionless.

"I'm sorry," Ryll said softly. "I just wanted to prove that I could fight."

"Well you've done that. You're not a knight though. You had no right to enter into this tournament. Does Rowan of Greymark even exist?" Arthur asked angrily.

"I don't think so." Ryll bowed her head. "All my life I've ran and hidden and fought to survive. I wanted to prove to myself that I could survive. That I could fight. It's everything to me to be able to defend myself."

"Guards! Take her to the dungeons," Uther's voice rang out.

"No, father, wait," Arthur started, but Uther glared at him.

"Did you know of this?"

"No."

"It was all my idea," Ryll said quickly. "No one helped me."

"Someone had to have helped you. We'll find out who. Guards." Uther motioned to two guards who came forward to grab Ryll.

"Wait, is this really necessary?" Arthur asked Uther.

"She broke the rules. She is not a knight, and she had no right to enter this tournament. I will deal with her later." Uther's tone implied that the conversation was over. Arthur opened his mouth to argue, but Uther cut him off. "Lock her in the dungeons."


	14. A Lie is a Lie

_Author's Note: I seriously just wrote this in one sitting. I'm so psyched for this fanfiction right now! I'm up to 100 pages in my word document and plan on going all the way through series 5 with my story. We're like at the beginning of series 1 still with this story. So many ideas! I never plot when I write, but I've sort of had the basic idea for this entire fanfiction figured out for awhile. It's just going like 100 times better than any other fanfiction I've ever written. Anyway, enjoy! I'll try to keep writing. I might write later tonight! _

* * *

-14-

The guards led Ryll away. She held her head up as they led her toward the dungeons. She passed Merlin but didn't meet his gaze. Whatever happened to her, this had been _her_ idea and she would face the consequences alone.

The guards pushed her into a cell, locking the door behind her, and Ryll was left alone, her body shaking from weariness, her mind still absorbing what had just happened. She dropped onto the cot before letting tears roll down her cheeks. Whatever she had expected to happen, this was not it. The day wore on until sunset tinged the sky outside the bared window of her cell. She had shed her armor hours before and now wore Arthur's altered breaches and tunic. Her long hair fell in honey colored tangles around her face and shoulders. A fiercely purple bruise had formed on her arm where the lance had hit her and she had several other bruises. Without her necklace she felt exposed and unprotected. As the pain worsened in her arm, she started to regret taking the ring off.

Footsteps stirred her from her reverie. She looked up to find herself looking at Arthur. He had changed out of his armor and cleaned up, but his eyes were weary. "Ryll, what were you thinking?" he asked softly. He stopped in front of the bars of her cell. They were alone, but Ryll couldn't meet his eyes. She could see the disappointment in his eyes and feel it in the air, clinging to her skin and stinging her eyes.

"I wanted to prove myself. Is that so wrong?"

"It's wrong when you go against all the rules. You proved you could disobey everything. You proved you could lie to my face."

She cringed. All the triumph she had felt earlier in the day disintegrated into shame. She hung her head.

"Look at me," Arthur requested, his tone sharp but edged with a longing she couldn't understand. She looked up, meeting his blue eyes. "How could you lie to me without thinking about the consequences of your actions?"

"I didn't think," she said in a small voice. Despite her friendship with Arthur, his anger made her quail.

"No, you didn't. My father sees it as treason. Disrespect for everything the tournament stands for. He would see you shut in the dungeons for who knows how long."

"And you?" Ryll asked, forcing herself to meet his eyes.

"I don't want to see you in the dungeons. But I can't just ignore the fact that you lied to me, worked behind my back, and completely ignored the rules of the tournament."

"Well maybe the rules should change. If I were a knight, I could have entered, but I'm a woman and I'm not of noble blood. You've seen me fight. Why shouldn't I be a knight?"

Arthur gazed at her for a long while. "Is that what this is all about?" he asked. "You want to me a knight?"

"What if I do?" she challenged.

Arthur sighed. "Ryll, you're an incredible fighter, you are. But that doesn't change the laws and traditions that have been passed down since Camelot was built. I can't change that. My father won't change it."

"Perhaps you will some day."

"Well, you haven't proved yourself worthy to be a knight. You lied and cheated and went behind everyone's back. Do you think those are the traits of a knight?" Arthur asked, his words cutting into Ryll.

"No, I don't, but that's what I'm forced to do in order to prove myself."

"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You proved that you are brave and a good fighter when you saved Morgana's life and my life and fought off the humatas. You didn't need to do this to prove all that."

Ryll had no reply to that.

"I will try to speak with my father, plead with him to let you out of here, but he won't be happy. You aren't in his favor."

"May I speak with him?" Ryll asked.

"Why?"

"I want to apologize," Ryll said. "I didn't think about the traditions and ideals of the tournament – the knight's honor. I proved that I don't understand what it takes to be a knight. I have a lot to learn – even about being a citizen of Camelot."

Arthur's face lifted a little and his frown disappeared. "Your heart is in the right place, Ryll. But you're too impulsive for your own good. I can see though that you've learned your lesson. You're intelligent. We all make mistakes."

"I just made a huge one. Everyone must be in a state, finding out the second place winner is a girl."

At this, Arthur's expression slid into a smile though he tried to hide it. "The other knights were more than a little dismayed to learn that they had been beaten by a girl. A skinny one at that."

Ryll grinned. "I do know how to create an uproar."

"I'll speak with my father and see if he'll have an audience with you."

"I am truly sorry," Ryll said before he left.

"I know." Arthur's eyes were much less angry when he looked at her one last time before disappearing from view.

Ryll sat back down, beginning to feel ashamed of herself. Before she could gather her thoughts, she heard running footsteps, a clattering of something being knocked over, and then saw Merlin skid to a stop in front of her cell.

"Ryll," he said when he saw her. "I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened. If only I had-"

Ryll held up a hand to cut him off. "You shouldn't have done anything. This was my idea. I got you into this. You are not going to get into trouble over this. Do you know what Arthur would do if he found out you helped me? You are going to feign innocence. If you don't, I'll plead with him that it was all my idea and that I forced you to help me. He could do a lot worse to you than me," she told him. "Uther as well."

"But you don't deserve this," Merlin said.

"Yes I do. I ignored the rules, flouted the Knight's Code, and lied to the Prince of Camelot. I think I do deserve to be locked down here. I was stupid and rash. I didn't think this through. I was only thinking about myself and winning, not about the consequences of my actions or how they would affect everyone else."

"I saw Arthur leaving. What did he say?" Merlin asked.

"He was angry at first. But he's going to speak with his father to try to get me an audience."

"An audience? Why?"

"So I can apologize."

"Ryll, you just wanted to prove yourself."

"And I did. I proved that I have no idea what I'm doing and that have completely disregard laws and rules and traditions and codes. I wanted to be a knight for a day, but instead I showed that I have no idea what it takes to be a knight."

"You want to be a knight?"

Ryll bit her lip. It was a bit like a confessional. She had never shared her dreams of becoming a knight to anyone – she hardly even thought about it to herself – and yet here she had confessed it to both Arthur and Merlin within a few minutes.

"Ever since I saw my parents and my village die," she said. "I'd never told anyone that before today."

"You wanted to be able to protect the people around you like you couldn't do before," Merlin said, understanding in his voice.

"Yes."

"But Ryll, you were a child. You couldn't do anything. It wasn't your fault," he told her softly."

"But now I can do something. It's too late to save my family, but I can save other people."

"And you have already."

"And I've also made a mess of everything else. I'll be lucky if I'm allowed to carry a sword from now on."

"Well, things aren't always going to be like they are now. One day Arthur will be king and things will be different." His voice was hopeful.

"You really think that?" Ryll asked.

"I know it. People who are … different won't have to hide who they are." His eyes shone as he spoke, and Ryll wondered if he included himself in this.

"Do you have to hide who you are?" she asked quietly.

His expression was unreadable as he spoke. "We all have something different about us that we fear others won't accept."

"I suppose that's true. Everyone will have to accept that I'm a girl who can wield a sword better than all the knights in the kingdom."

He laughed at this. "That might take awhile."

She sighed. "Well, I guess I need to hope for forgiveness first before acceptance. I'd really rather not spend the rest of my life in a cell."

"I don't think you're that much of a criminal," Merlin told her.

"Maybe not, but I saw the king's face when he saw it was me. His anger is frightening."

"Everyone would agree with you, I think. Even Arthur. Morgana is the only one who stands up to him and gets away with it, and even she sometimes crosses the line. Like a few minutes ago. She was furious with Uther for throwing you in a cell. You should have heard the raised voices. I'm pretty sure the whole kingdom heard them arguing."

Ryll smiled. "I hope she didn't get into trouble on my account."

"I'm more worried about you."

"I'll be fine. I've got Arthur and Morgana on my side. Uther won't do anything too bad to me." Ryll got up, walking over to the door of the cell.

"I hope not. I still don't like making you take all the blame."

"It's not worth you getting into trouble over. Uther wouldn't blink before having you thrown out of Camelot. I don't want to be at fault for that."

"You're a good friend," Merlin said. Ryll smiled, taking his hands through the bars of the cell. They were warm against her cold hands. "I'll do anything I can for you."

Ryll felt her heart flutter slightly but whether it was from nerves or something else, she wasn't sure. Whatever it was, she didn't get the chance to find out. There was the sound of footsteps and a guard came into view. Merlin pulled away but not before slipping something into Ryll's hand.

"For luck," he said. He turned and left just as the guard stopped at her cell. Ryll looked down to see her necklace in her hand. She looked up at the guard.

"The king would like to see you," he said to her. "I'll escort you upstairs."

Ryll nodded. "Thank you," she said quietly, slipping the necklace on when he looked down to unlock the door to her cell. She came forward, walking at his side without a word. He led her up to the throne room though Ryll's feet were familiar with the well-trodden path. The guard stopped at the door addressing the two guards who stood watch over the door.

"I'll wait out here," he said. The doors opened, and Ryll was left with no choice but to walk in. Uther stood in front of his throne, Arthur at his side. The walk up to them seemed to take eons. Ryll felt smaller and smaller as she approached the king and his son. Suddenly she felt as if any sort of apology would not suffice.

When she reached the king, she fell to her knees, bowing her head until he asked her to rise. "Well," Uther said to her, his steel-grey eyes cold and unforgiving. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"First I want to say that I'm sorry for any trouble I caused. I didn't think about the consequences of my actions. I only thought about proving myself in battle when I should have considered honor and respect for rules and traditions. I know I made a mistake, but I really have learned something. I meant no harm whatever I did." She bowed her head, feeling like a child waiting for a scolding.

"What you did was shameful," Uther began. "You humiliated many knights of honor, you broke the rules of the tournament and everything it stood for. But you stand before me confessing that you understand your wrongdoings. Though I cannot overlook what you did, you show honor by apologizing for your actions."

Ryll looked up in surprise. Uther was looking at her with something other than anger. "You remind me so much of Morgana," he said. "Stubborn, always determined to do what you believe is right."

"I can act without thinking, but I never act knowing that I'll hurt someone," Ryll said softly.

"You saved Morgana's life and Arthur's. I will not forget that," Uther told her. "But what you did cannot go unpunished. You will be forbidden from attending any future tournaments. If you ever do something like this again, you'll be banished from Camelot. I expect you to act upon what you learned today."

"I will. Thank you. You are a fair king. I appreciate you giving me a second chance."

"I was young once too," Uther said, smiling. "We all act rebelliously when we think we know everything."

Ryll nodded though she didn't think she knew everything. Let him think she was just a disobedient child. She'd be lucky to be treated like anything other than a child from now on.

"I also believe it would be good to have something else to occupy your time instead of swordplay. I've asked Gaius to take you under his wing. You will help him and Merlin with anything they need in the physician's court."

"I will do that," Ryll said. There could be worse punishments. At least she could spend time with Merlin.

"You're free to go. Arthur will inform the guards that you are no longer a prisoner."

"Thank you." Ryll bowed before turning to leave. Arthur joined her. When they reached the door, she turned her head slightly to look at him. He met her gaze.

"Be thankful that's all your punishment," he said. "Although spending your days with Merlin is a unique form of punishment in itself." Ryll could tell he wasn't mad anymore by his tone. She glanced at Uther to make sure he was looking the other way before squeezing Arthur's hand briefly.

"Thank you for speaking for me. I won't be humiliating anyone again. Lest it be myself and hopefully not then."

"I know you won't. I'll be making sure of that. I know you weren't working alone." Ryll felt a twinge of dread, but he didn't press the matter. They passed the guards, Arthur pausing to speak with the one who had brought Ryll up from the dungeons.

"Are you escorting me to my room?" Ryll asked mockingly.

Arthur cast her a sidelong glance. "I just want to make sure you don't run off." He smiled to show he was joking. Then he plucked at the fabric of her shirt. "Is this one of mine?" he asked, frowning thoughtfully.

"Er, yes?" She grimaced.

"I'm not even going to ask."

"Please don't."

"That scarf, however, is not mine, but I do know someone who wears those."

Ryll had forgotten about the scarf Merlin had given her as a good luck token. It was still wrapped around her neck. She touched it self-consciously. "No, it's one of mine. I just wanted a little extra protection around my neck."

Arthur looked as if he wanted to say more, but Ryll was not about to tell him where she had really gotten it. They reached her room where Arthur stopped.

"I'm going to take a bath, get some sleep, and go straight to the physician's quarters to see if Gaius and Merlin need any help first thing in the morning."

"Good. I'll check in with you tomorrow."

"You don't trust me?"

"Not entirely. Not after you lied to me." His expression was somber again.

"I lied about being sick. I never said I wasn't entering into the tournament."

Arthur didn't smile. "It doesn't matter," he said. "A lie is a lie." He turned and left Ryll standing alone at her door.


	15. The Shadow of Death

-15-

Ryll was up at dawn's first light, dressing plainly and tying back her thick waves in a braid that ran down to her waist. She decided to skip breakfast – she didn't even know if she was invited to eat with Arthur anymore. Probably not. Maybe Merlin would share his porridge.

When she reached the physician's quarters, she knocked on the door and slipped into find Gaius standing at a table mixing something and Merlin sitting eating his breakfast. He looked up when he heard her, smiling brilliantly. She couldn't help but smile back.

"'ello Ryll," he said, his mouth full.

"Good morning." Ryll's stomach growled audibly.

"Hungry?" Merlin asked after swallowing.

"Yes, er, I wasn't sure if I was invited to eat with Arthur and Uther anymore. I didn't really want to ask." She looked down, ashamed.

"That's alright. You can eat here. There's enough to go around." He poured another bowl of porridge for her and handed her a chunk of bread. Ryll sat down across from him and ate at a much slower pace than him.

"Is there something I can help you with today?" she asked. She looked over to where Gaius was mixing what she supposed was medicine.

"There's been an outbreak of sickness in the city as well as some of the outlaying villages. I'm going to be checking on the people in Camelot while you and Merlin ride to the village of Merdor. I'm preparing a tonic that should ease the sickness," Gaius answered her.

"Do you know what's causing the illness?" Ryll asked.

"I'm not sure. It just cropped up since the tournament. Maybe someone brought some sickness with them from somewhere else. The sickness results in fever and coughing. This tonic will sooth the coughing and reduce the fever, but we'll have to see if any other symptoms crop up. I'm not yet sure what exactly the sickness is."

"Hopefully the poultice will cure it," Ryll said hopefully, painfully aware of how little she knew of healing. _Besides my ring_, she thought to herself. _My ring…_. Her eyes went to Merlin who shook his head ever so slightly.

_No, _his eyes said.

Ryll opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again. She would talk to Merlin when they rode out to Merdor. She held the power to heal in her hand, then why shouldn't she use it? She glared at him for a moment before returning to her breakfast.

…

The road to Merdor was dusty after a morning rain. The sky had cleared, but Ryll could still smell the rain in the air. Their horses' legs were flecked with mud shortly after they left the city walls. Merlin had been even chattier than usual, and Ryll deemed that he was trying to distract her from the former day's events. He avoided the topic of the tournament, Arthur, Uther, and anything else remotely related to what had happened the day before. Ryll nodded, smiling at his antics.

"I appreciate your attempt to cheer me up," she said as he paused for breath. "But I'm alright. You don't have to distract me."

He looked over at Ryll, his expression unsure. "Alright," he said finally.

"How was Arthur this morning?" Ryll asked, breeching the subject Merlin had been so wary to bring up.

"He didn't say much actually. He didn't even yell at me."

"He's still upset with me. I lied to him and that hurt him. It's not so much about entering the tournament – it's that I lied to him to do it. He doesn't trust me anymore."

"I'm sure that's not true-"

"No, it is. He told me that."

Merlin looked over at her again, his blue eyes sad. "He'll get over it," he said. His eyes flickered down to her ring. "Ryll, I know what was crossing your mind when you found out that we were going to tend a sick village."

"I don't know what you mean," Ryll said, looking away.

"Yes you do. Come on, Ryll, I know you better than that. Now that you know about the healing abilities your ring has, you're not going to just let it rest."

"You're right. Why should I if I can help people?"

"It's too dangerous. If people start getting better without explanation Uther will get suspicious."

"What's the problem if they're getting better?" Ryll asked. "Besides, Gaius's concoction would be the perfect solution to avert suspicion."

Merlin sighed. "You don't get how dangerous it could be. If anyone even suspects that you're using magic…." He shook his head. "The consequences would be dire."

"So I'm just supposed to sit there and do nothing?" she asked.

"No, we help people in the best way we can," Merlin replied. "You can't rely on your ring for everything."

"Then why did you give it back to me?" she asked.

"I didn't want to see you hurt," Merlin said after a moment.

"People are sick though."

"You don't even understand the power you have," Merlin told her. "You don't understand how it works. People who hold such a power – whether good or bad – it doesn't make a difference to Uther. Magic is not allowed in Camelot and he isn't going to care whether or not you're using it to heal people."

Ryll knew that what he was saying made sense, but she still didn't want to listen.

"We don't even know how bad the sickness is," Merlin cut into her thoughts. "Gaius's tonic might heal them." Ryll nodded. "Let's just wait and see."

They rode in silence until they reached the small village. There were very few people to be seen along the road leading through the village, Ryll noted. She wondered how many had fallen ill and if the sickness had worsened since Gaius had received word about it. The few villagers they saw looked up at them with wordless stares, their eyes telling of the troubles they had seen of late. Ryll pressed a hand to her ring, feeling Merlin's eyes on her as he noted her movement. She put her hand back down on the pommel of the saddle, looking straight ahead.

Merlin stopped at one of the houses to greet a middle-aged woman. He introduced himself and told her that Gaius had sent them. The woman looked at Ryll with a faraway expression before nodding and motioning for the two of them to follow her into the house. Ryll dismounted, and they left their horses standing out front of the house. Merlin motioned for Ryll to enter first, his hand brushing her back as he followed her in.

Ryll was struck at once by the utter silence within the room. No coughing, no moaning, just silence. Her first instinct was to think that everyone had died during the night, but then she saw that the man and young woman who lay on cots by the fire stirred. They were deathly pale, their eyes rimmed with purple like bruising. They looked to be on the brink of death, but Ryll could hear their steady breathing.

"Whatever the sickness," the woman told them, "I have never seen it in my life. I thought it was a common cough at first, but after their fevers broke last night, their temperature went down. They're ice cold but still alive." She looked afraid. Ryll realized that was what she had seen behind the villagers' eyes as they had ridden through. Fear. They didn't know what was causing the sickness or how many it would take.

Merlin moved forward with his medic's bag to examine the older man while Ryll hung back, her gaze captured by the young woman. She was more a child than a woman. She could not have been more than twelve. She looked so near to death, Ryll's heart leapt out to her. She moved forward to crouch next to Merlin, her shoulder brushing his. She felt calmer with his body heat next to her as she gazed at the frozen faces.

"Do you know what's wrong with them?" she whispered.

"Could you bring me some hot water?" Merlin requested of the woman. She nodded and moved out of the room. Merlin looked over at Ryll. "This isn't an ordinary sickness," he told her.

"Then what?"

"Sorcery."

"Sorcery? But who would do this?" she asked.

"An enemy of Camelot or of Uther. Take your pick. There are plenty."

"Do you know how to heal them?" Ryll asked.

Merlin shook his head. "I must speak with Gaius."

"But they could be dead very soon. Look at them!" Ryll argued. "I can help them. I know I can. At least let me try." She looked pleadingly at Merlin. "No one will have to know." She could see him deliberating.

The tense silence was broken when the woman returned with a basin of warm water and a few cloths. "Can you soak their faces?" Merlin asked Ryll, taking command. She nodded, dipping one of the cloths into the basin of water. She mopped the girl's face, watching carefully for any signs of change.

"How many are ill?" Merlin asked.

"A dozen or so. Young and old – it seems to work its way through families," the woman replied.

"How do you mean?" Ryll asked.

"Last night six were ill, my husband among them. Today six more are ill – all in families where the sickness is but only one in each family. And tomorrow…." She spread out her hands. "It's only me left to tend my family. If I fall ill…." Her words hung in the air.

"We won't let that happen," Ryll said. Merlin cast her a worried glance.

"Could we have a moment alone?" Merlin asked the woman. "I'll give them the tonic Gaius prepared this morning," he said once the woman had left. "But I don't think it will help." He glanced up at her. "We need to figure out what's making them sick. Even if you did heal them, there's no guarantee they won't fall ill again."

"I have to try," Ryll told him. "Let me heal them and then we'll find whoever is doing this. We can ask around the village and see if anyone has seen anything unusual. Maybe one of the victims saw something. It could be valuable evidence."

Merlin deliberated for a moment and then nodded hesitantly. "Alright. Heal the girl. If you heal everyone though, people will start to wonder. Gaius's tonic isn't a cure, it's just to help."

"Fine," Ryll consented.

"Do you know what to do?" Merlin asked.

"The ring only works when I'm wearing it." She unclasped it from her neck and slipped the ring onto the girl's slender finger. For a moment nothing happened. Then the girl's complexion began to color, blood rising to her cheeks. The purple faded from around her eyes and she gasped a breath before opening her eyes. Ryll quickly slid the ring off her finger. The girl sat bolt upright, eyes wide, looking around in terror.

"Where is the shadow? Is it gone?" she asked.

"What shadow?" Merlin asked. "Did it make you sick?"

The girl nodded, breathing hard. "You're safe now. Just tell us what you saw," Merlin coaxed.

"There was this shadowy figure – it seemed to be made out of darkness…. It came at me when I was picking apples in the garden. It swooped down at me – it was like it was casting its darkness on me." She shivered. "I felt like it was taking my life away. I felt so empty. It vanished and that's all I remember."

Merlin and Ryll exchanged a glance. Ryll's heart was drilling out a fast tempo. A sickening realization washed over her. She had seen a shadow on the battlefield. It had crept up out of nowhere. Out of her nightmares perhaps.

"Merlin, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ryll asked, nodding toward the door. He gave her a questioning look and then turned back to the girl. "We'll be right back." He followed Ryll outside.

"I saw the shadow," she said without preamble.

"What? When?" Merlin asked, looking alarmed.

"At the tournament – in the last round," she replied. "It just stood there."

"It didn't attack anyone?"

"No. It just stood there. It didn't have a face but I swear it was looking at me."

"Why didn't you mention this before?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I forgot about it to be honest. I had to in order to stay alive."

"Have you seen it since?" he asked. She shook her head.

"But Merlin," she hesitated for a moment before looking him straight in the eye. "It looks just like the shadow that haunts my dreams – the one that murdered my family. I've seen these symptoms before. It's happening again."

Merlin looked at her somberly. "You mean what happened to your parents?" he asked. She nodded mutely. "And it was the same shadowy figure?"

"Yes. Merlin, if it _is_ the same shadow then it's not going to stop until it wipes out every family. It wiped out my entire village."

"Except you," Merlin added gently.

"Except me," Ryll echoed.

"Do you know what it is?"

Ryll shook her head. "Something terrible," she whispered.

"Alright. Let's see if any of the other villagers know anything else, then we'll see if Gaius knows anything about this shadow. If we can figure out what it is, we may be able to figure out how to defeat it." Ryll nodded. She looked down at her hands and saw that they were shaking. "I won't let anything happen to you," Merlin said softly, taking her hands. She looked up at him, meeting his blue eyes. They were wide and honest and in that moment she believed that he really would do anything to protect her. She nodded again, words failing her. They heard the woman inside crying out with joy at the sight of her daughter healed.

"I wish I could heal them all," Ryll said. "But you're right. People would suspect if everyone here was healed with the same remedy that won't heal everyone in Camelot."

"We'll do what we can," Merlin told her. "We'll fix this. I promise."

…

The sun was beginning to set when Ryll and Merlin finally made their way back to Camelot, weary and downtrodden. Merlin looked over at Ryll, watching her carefully. She had been silent the rest of the day, letting him ask the questions. They had administered the tonic but the girl's miraculous recovery was the only one of the day. No one else had seen anything else helpful, so they were stuck with only a vague idea of what they were dealing with.

Whatever had caused their illness was still out there, waiting to strike again. Merlin glanced over at Ryll again, worry etching lines across his forehead. She looked so small suddenly when just the day before she had been a warrior, triumphing against knights twice her size. Now she huddled in the saddle, one hand clenched around the reins, the other clenched around the ring. Her eyes were weary and stayed straight ahead, not even noticing Merlin's stare. He was worried that she had taken on too much. He could tell that when she had healed the girl that some of the guilt from the past vanished, but the worry she felt wouldn't disappear until the shadow from her nightmares was gone for good.

Whatever this creature was, Merlin was determined that it didn't hurt anyone else. Especially Ryll. He felt an overwhelming desire to shield her, protect her. It was unfair for someone so young to feel such a burden. Then again, she reminded him of himself more and more everyday. How alike they were with burdens they couldn't share. At least she had him to confide in, but Merlin did not want to burden Ryll with his own truth. Maybe some day, but not yet. She hardly knew who she was. He didn't want her to think he had deceived her. _A lie is a lie_, she had told him the day before, mimicking Arthur's words. Merlin lied everyday to protect himself but it was still a lie. Some days he felt as if he were living a lie. It wasn't the perspective he knew he should take, but it was so difficult sometimes not being accepted for who he really was. And should anyone find out what Ryll had done…. He knew Gaius would find out, but it would go no further. Ryll had been subtle with the ring. No one had been any the wiser.

"I wish I could have done more," Ryll said suddenly, startling Merlin.

"You've done enough for now. We really need to find out more about the shadow first," Merlin told her. She looked over at him, and he saw the weariness he felt reflected in her eyes. Suddenly he wished he could tell her that she wasn't alone. He knew what she was going through – having a gift, a power, but unable to use it. She felt guilt for not being able to use her power, but little did she know that he too felt that guilt. It hurt sometimes to keep his power to himself, but it wasn't worth the risk. If they were found out then what good would they be to anyone else? He sighed inwardly. It was beginning to hurt, keeping this truth to himself. But that was the way it had to be. Ryll would have to learn that too.


	16. The Wraith and the Necromancer

_Author's Note: Look at me! I'm writing a lot. But kind of neglecting my other two fanfics. Oh well. Anyway, I hope everyone who is reading is enjoying my story. I'd love to hear from you guys. Comments always make my day! _

-16-

"You did _what_?" Gaius asked Merlin as they sat at the table for dinner. Ryll had pleaded no appetite and had left Merlin to explain what had passed in the village earlier that day.

"It was the only way, Gaius. Now we have some idea of what is causing all the sickness."

"It was too dangerous, Merlin. Uther won't care whether Ryll cured someone or not. It's sorcery and it's all the same to him."

"I tried to tell her that, but in the end, it made sense that it was the only way to help them. Now that we have some idea of what's causing the sickness we can stop it. We didn't heal anyone else. No one will get suspicious."

"A shadowy figure, you said?" Gaius said after a moment.

Merlin nodded. "The same that took Ryll's parents and village," he added.

"You're sure of this?"

"Yes, she was terrified. You should have seen her face when the girl mentioned the shadow. I've never seen her so scared."

"I'll see what I can find," Gaius said after a pause. He pushed aside his bowl and grabbed a thick tome from one of the dusty bookshelves. He set it down on the table and flipped it open, his finger running along the page as he perused it for any information that might help them. He was silent for near to an hour while Merlin washed up the dishes. Finally, he set the book aside and looked up at Merlin.

"I think I've found something," he said. He pointed a finger at a picture in the book. Merlin looked over his shoulder, reading the caption aloud.

"Shadow wraith."

"A shadow wraith is not dead but is not alive either. They cause famine and sickness wherever they go and gain strength with each life they take. They suck the life force out of each victim, causing illness until the life is drained from the body. They can only be summoned by a necromancer."

"A necromancer?" Merlin questioned.

"A necromancer is a practitioner of dark magic with the ability to raise and summon the dead. They also have the power to summon and bind a shadow wraith to do their bidding. This is very dark magic, Merlin. No one should fool around with raising the dead; it unsettles the balance of things. When someone is raised from the dead, it creates a rift. Something unnatural enters the world and bad things will follow. A wraith is commonly used for gathering power for the necromancer."

Merlin took a seat across from Gaius. "Can we kill the wraith?" he asked.

"A wraith can only be defeated when the summoner releases his hold on the wraith."

"So we have to find the necromancer first?"

"Merlin, this is no small matter. A necromancer is dangerous. Killing him would be no small feat."

"But if we don't, then people will continue to fall ill. What if Arthur fell ill?" Merlin thought of Ryll. "If this is the thing that killed Ryll's family, she'll go kill him herself with or without our consent."

"We must not let her take rash action. We do not fully understand her power. There's something else." He hesitated and Merlin prompted him to continue. "I found out more about her ring."

"What is it, Gaius?" Merlin asked, furrowing his brow at the somber expression that had taken over Gaius's face.

"The writing on the ring is not only a healing spell but a binding spell."

"What kind of binding spell?"

"The kind that keeps something dark trapped within it." Gaius's words were met with silence.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"It's very complicated old magic. Whoever cast the spell was very accomplished with magic. The spell cast on this ring is sort of a counter spell. The ring itself holds the power to heal but it was also meant to contain something dark – I believe that whoever gave Ryll this ring not only knew that it would give her the power to withstand the sickness, but it also had the power to contain the shadow wraith, trap it, if you will. As long as Ryll kept the ring on, the wraith would be trapped. But should she take it off…." He let his words hang.

"She did take it off. At the tournament. For the last part." Merlin remembered her handing it to him. He'd had it with him the entire time, but he hadn't put it on.

"There were injuries and pain all around, the wraith would have had so much to feed on. Without the ring in Ryll's possession, the wraith was able to escape its jail."

"But what difference would it make whether or not she was wearing it?" Merlin asked.

"I'm not sure. We don't know enough about Ryll and whatever powers she may possess. Perhaps there is some power within her that the ring's protective powers react to. Like I said, it's a very old and very complicated spell."

"You said you'd heard of some sickness killing off an entire village and a dark sorcerer being suspected," Merlin recalled.

"Yes, the village of Roan."

"Could the dark villager be the necromancer?" Merlin asked.

"Perhaps."

"Do you know where he could be?"

Gaius sighed. "There were rumors of a dark sorcerer in the citadel of Scarath. It lies to the east of Camelot in the Dimwall Forest near the base of a mountain. It's a three days ride from the city on horseback."

"I have to go there."

"And what will you do if you find the necromancer?"

"I can defeat him, I know it. I'll tell Arthur of our suspicions. He'll want to come."

"So will Ryll if you tell her."

"She won't like it if I don't include her. Besides, she has the ring. She's our best chance." Merlin watched as Gaius deliberated. "I have a feeling that she needs to be there to see this to the end."

"Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it?" Gaius said, relenting.

"No, probably not," Merlin replied, grinning. "I'll be fine, Gaius," he added more seriously. "If I don't go then more people will fall ill and everyone else who is sick will die. This has to end."

"Be careful then. And don't let Ryll get herself in trouble with that ring."

"I won't." Merlin stood. He only hoped Arthur wouldn't ask too many questions.

…

"A _what_?" Arthur asked him, his expression confused. Merlin tried not to make a joke about it. Arthur often got this look on his face when he was thinking too hard.

"A shadow wraith. The little girl in the village told us she'd seen something and what she saw fits that description. The symptoms of the people who have fallen ill fit with the symptoms the shadow wraiths cause."

"And it's being summoned by a what?"

"A necromancer. A dark sorcerer. Gaius heard rumors of such a person in the citadel of Scarath in Dimwall Forest."

"And you think he's forcing the wraith to attack villagers and the people of Camelot?" Arthur still looked skeptical.

"Yes. Not that a wraith needs any encouraging to kill."

"How do we defeat it?"

"If we somehow release the hold the necromancer has on the wraith then the wraith will turn on its captor."

"How do you know all this?"

"A book. It has lore on wraiths and necromancers. A wraith can only be controlled – it isn't allowed free will, but they resent that. Just as people hate a dictator. It has a tendency to turn on the hand that captured it."

"And this was all in your little book?" Arthur asked.

"Yes. Look, it's going to keep killing until it wipes out all of Camelot. It's happened before."

"When?"

Merlin hesitated. "It happened to Ryll when she was a child. A wraith killed her entire village."

Arthur was silent for a moment. "Then how did she survive?"

Merlin shrugged. "I'm not sure," he lied. "Somehow her parents found a way to protect her even though they couldn't protect themselves."

"Does Ryll tie into the sicknesses now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps it meant to kill her then and has come back for her now."

"Then are you going to just let it kill her?" Merlin asked.

"Of course not. We leave at first light," Arthur said resolutely.

"Great. But there's one thing…."

"What's that?"

"I think Ryll should come."

"What? Why?"

"She'll come anyway once she finds out. She's good with a weapon. We could use her." Merlin skirted around the real reason he wanted her there.

"Out of the question. We'll bring some knights with us. She doesn't need to get more involved."

"Please Arthur."

"I would think you'd be more concerned about her safety," Arthur said coldly.

Merlin nodded. "Of course I'm concerned for her safety. Fine. I won't say anything to her."

"Good. See that you don't."

"But I also thing we shouldn't bring knights as well. The element of surprise would work best."

Arthur thought for a moment before nodding. "Alright then, just you and me."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Merlin turned to leave.

"Merlin." Merlin turned back to Arthur. "Leave Ryll out of this." Merlin nodded before leaving Arthur's room where he ran straight into Ryll. He jumped in surprise, shutting the door quickly and leading her by the arm to a secluded alcove.

"You can't just leave me out of this!" Ryll said angrily.

"How did you know that I was speaking with Arthur?" he asked. "Were you out there the whole time?"

"Yes…. I saw you heading toward his room. I knew he wouldn't let me come. But I have to! This is my past, my fault maybe."

"Why would you say that?"

"I don't know," Ryll admitted. "Just a feeling. This happened to me before. The shadow killed everyone around me. And now it's happening again. It can't just be coincidence."

"It's not your fault." Merlin put a hand on each of her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "I'm not supposed to let you come, but I can't do anything about it if you do," he said. "I want to keep you safe, but you're safe with the ring. Just make sure you keep it on from now on." He didn't tell her of Gaius's revelation about her ring. She had enough to worry about.

A small smile broke over her face. "Then I'd better head to my room. I have to prepare for tomorrow's journey."

"You know it's going to be dangerous. You'd be safer here."

Ryll watched his face carefully for a moment, and he wondered what was going through her head. Then she reached up and put a hand to his face. Surprised, he stared at her wide-eyed.

"So would you, but you're not going to stay here," she said softly. "You're my friend, and I care greatly for you. So I'm going not only to defeat this evil, but to protect you too."

Merlin smiled down at her. "That means a lot to me," he said. "If anyone can protect us, I know you can. Just be prepared for a lecture from Arthur when you show yourself."

Ryll grinned. "Oh, I look forward to it." She stepped back from him and then headed off toward her room, leaving Merlin staring after her. He shook his head. She might not know it, but she was completely captivating when she was stubborn. Her defiance and bravery glowed within her like a beacon. He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, not knowing how Arthur felt about her, not knowing that Ryll probably felt the same way, but he couldn't deny that he was starting to fall for her.

…

Morgana had not seen Ryll since before the tournament. She had been worried sick about her during her time in the castle dungeons, but now that she was free again, another nagging worry had wormed its way into her head. She did not ever want to doubt her friend. Ryll had been nothing but kind to her. But something was bothering her. Something in the back of her mind that she could not quite place. Of late her nightmares had been darker with shadows and hidden forms she could not quite make out.

She smiled at Gwen as her maid left the room for the night. Morgana lay down on her bed, turning her head to blow out the candle on her bedside table. As she lay her head back into her pillow and shut her eyes, she felt sleep tug her under and she succumbed to her dreams.

Tonight her dreams took place in a deep, dark forest. She was walking through it, barefooted, the soft cool feel of the soil underfoot. The trees did not end as she came to a mountain that rose up to the stormy sky. It blended in with the surroundings and a citadel rose up above her, carved into the side of the mountain. Hawks circled around the peaks of the tall towers. She gazed up wondering who lived there and where she was. She kept walking until she reached a long winding road the led up the side of the mountain to the gates of the citadel. A scream rang out from somewhere above in the citadel. She looked up, fearing what awaited her. The scream sounded familiar. She started to run, her feet scuffing against the harsh gravel of the pathway. When she reached the closed gates, she thrust her hands around the bars and pushed. To her surprise, the gates opened at her touch. She crept forward, looking around her. The citadel was deserted. An archway led into a paved courtyard. A fountain took up the center of the courtyard. No water ran from it and the basin was dry. Two fierce horses reared up on either side, mouths open, ready to pour out water. Now they just stared ahead, sentinels to a forgotten city.

She kept going forward, creeping further into the deserted city. Narrow streets led in three different directions. She went down the center street and found herself at a set of wooden doors. She pushed them open and her vision blurred. When she opened her eyes again, a scene unfolded before her. A shadow rose up above a small figure. The figure was holding out a small object in her hand against the shadow, golden hair lay splayed across her back. Ryll. Morgana watched as the shadow came toward her friend. Then there was a flash of light and the shadow disappeared. Ryll seemed to glow with power and when she turned to look at Morgana, a shadow flickered behind her eyes.

Morgana woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed. She was breathing hard. What was happening? This wasn't the first dream she'd had where shadows lurked behind her friend's eyes. She didn't want to believe that there was something wrong about Ryll, but then why did she keep having these dreams? Feeling unsettled, she got out of bed, donning a robe and slipping out of her room. She found herself walking toward one of the balconies that overlooked the courtyard. She let the cool night air wash over her face, brushing away the remnants of her nightmare. She heard a slight sound behind her and turned to find Ryll standing there. She gave a start, her nightmare flashing back to her. She took a step back without thinking and saw confusion flash across Ryll's face.

"Is something wrong?" her friend asked.

"Just… just a bad dream. It's nothing."

"Sometimes nightmares can be so real," Ryll said. "They make us doubt ourselves and others sometimes."

Morgana started. Did Ryll know that her nightmare had been about her? "Yes." Silence fell between them. "Well, I should get back to bed. Goodnight." She skirted around Ryll, well aware that her actions were that of a frightened child. She could not shake the image of the shadow lurking behind Ryll's eyes. When she got back to her room she locked her door and fell back into bed though sleep eluded her. Finally she fell back asleep and did not dream again.


	17. Thoughts of Revenge

_Author's Note: Just a random thought, but who can't wait until Merlin Season 5 gets put on netflix instant queue? Me! Even though I watched it online before it even aired in the US... But I want to watch it again. I want to watch it all again... It never gets old. Yeah, okay, need to get some sleep. Had to finish this chapter. Enjoy._

-17-

Ryll had nearly forgotten her encounter with Morgana the night before when she awoke the next morning, but then she remembered the fear behind her friend's eyes. Something was wrong. Something to do with nightmares. Ryll wondered why Morgana had stared at her as if Ryll were the one haunting her dreams, causing her nightmares. Self-doubt crept into her mind again, reeling around like a sickness. What if she _was_ dangerous? She touched the ring around her neck and, not for the first time, felt a flicker of fear. How little she knew about herself. Did she really have any proof that she wasn't dangerous? How had she survived so many years ago when everyone around her had died? Was that about to happen again? She thought of her friends dying and found that she couldn't bear the thought of it. She would die along side them. Cast the ring aside and join them in eternal sleep. A life alone with everyone you knew dead was no life at all. This had to end now before all she had come to care about disappeared.

She dressed quickly, pulling on Arthur's altered clothes and donning a few extra layers for the chilly morning. She made two detours on the way to the stables – one to the kitchen to snag water and provisions and the second stop to the armory where she reclaimed the weapons that had been taken from her the day of the tournament. She had belted her sword around her waist and had her quiver in one hand and bow in the other when she heard footsteps. It was too late to hide or leave, so she stood her ground, hoping for the best. One of the knights rounded the corner, his eyes alighting on her at once. She couldn't quite remember his name. He had curly brown hair and matching brown eyes and looked friendly enough though suspicion lurked behind his eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. "The king has forbidden your use of weapons."

"I'm not using them. I'm just taking them back," Ryll said, trying to skirt around the truth.

He narrowed his eyes. "I was told not to let you reclaim your weapons."

"That's not fair. They're mine. I made the bow myself and this sword belonged to my father."

"I'm sorry. I have no say in the matter, but I must carry out the king's bidding."

"Look, the prince set off this morning on a dangerous journey. He forbid me from coming to keep me safe, but if I do not go then there is a chance he will not make it back. I know you have no reason to trust me, but please, trust me on this. Pretend that you did not see me and let me go." She didn't know if telling him the truth would help her or hinder her even more. Perhaps he would go to the king and tell him that she planned on going after his son. The knight studied her for a moment, and she could see his resolve disappear.

"If you really think you can help him then I will let you go. I do not know exactly why he goes on this quest only that it might help the people of Camelot and those who have fallen ill." He hesitated and then said, "No matter what anyone else thinks, I was impressed by your skills in the tournament. Perhaps you entered under a false identity, but you can fight. I wish I could fight along side you, but I fear the king would never allow it."

Ryll looked at him, surprised by his honesty. "Thank you," she said. "I appreciate your candor. Thank you for not judging me as a woman but as an equal."

He bowed his head slightly. "I believe that traditions are important, but I also believe that there are many worthy knights out there who don't fit with Camelot's standards."

"I think you're right. Perhaps some day that will change. What is your name?"

"Leon," he replied.

"Well, Sir Leon, I thank you for your understanding. Maybe some day we will fight along side one another as equals." She smiled before sliding her unstrung bow into her quiver and slinging it over her back. "I will see that our prince returns in one piece."

When Ryll reached the stables she quickly saddled her horse noting that Arthur and Merlin's horses were already gone. She would track them east with ease, staying a little ways behind until it was too late for them to send her back. She grabbed the reins and led Owl out of the stables. Before she could get too far, she found that a figure stood before her, dressed similarly in pants and tunic and dressed for warmth.

"Morgana, what are you doing?" Ryll asked, dumbfounded to find her friend standing there.

"I'm coming with you," Morgana said, her pale eyes determined. She had braided her long black hair down her back and wore a warm cloak. There was a dagger at her side.

"You don't even know where I'm going."

"You're going after Arthur and Merlin. I heard Arthur speaking with Uther this morning. They're going after the thing that's been causing the sickness. I want to help."

"It will be dangerous."

Morgana smiled. "I think I can handle myself. We girls aren't defenseless after all."

Ryll smiled back. "That's very true. Alright, I could use the company." She waited while Morgana saddled a beautiful dapple-grey horse. Then they were off, riding out of the gates of Camelot and heading east. They rode in silence for awhile as the sun rose completely in the sky. Then Morgana turned to Ryll.

"I'm sorry about last night. I'd just had a nightmare. It unnerved me. More than it should have. But I realized that I needed to help you. There's something about this wraith that Arthur spoke of – something that has to do with your childhood. Am I wrong?"

"No. You're not wrong."

"Is it what killed your parents?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. That must have been awful. I can see why you want to go after it."

"I want to see it dead. I'm just so afraid that the same thing will happen. That everyone I know will die." Ryll's voice caught slightly.

"We won't let that happen," Morgana assured her.

"I know." Ryll fingered her ring. She felt Morgana's gaze.

"Where did you get that ring?" she asked.

"My mother gave it to me before she died. She said it would protect me."

"And it did."

Ryll didn't want to lie to Morgana anymore. "It has the power to heal," she said quickly before she could change her mind. "I never said anything before because I know Uther hates all magic."

"Uther's opinion of magic is very one sided," Morgana said, a bitter note in her voice. "He would believe that all magic is evil even if one only uses it for good."

"I've only ever used it to heal. I didn't even realize it had a power until recently."

"Can you heal the people who have fallen ill?" Morgana asked.

"Yes. But not without casting a lot of suspicion on myself. Or Gaius or Merlin. And the wraith would make them ill again."

"Arthur said that in order to kill the necromancer, the wraith must first be released from its bond. But how do we do that?" Morgana asked.

"We find whatever is holding it captive and destroy it. Apparently it will turn on its master. It's like putting a humbata on a chain. It doesn't appreciate it very much."

"I don't understand why a necromancer would want to destroy so many people."

"To gain power. For every life taken, he gains power. I guess my village was one of the unfortunate victims."

Morgana cast her a sympathetic look. "We'll kill it. Both of them."

Ryll tightened a hand around the pommel of her sword. "Yes, we will," she said.

…

After riding hard all day, they decided to camp for the night. The sun was drenching the sky in shades of blood and fire and they were close to catching up with Merlin and Arthur. Ryll was a skilled tracker having had to train herself to be able to track animals when she was surviving in the wild. The hoof prints of the Camelot horses bore unique horseshoes and no wild horse would be running around with fancy shoes. There were other clues such as displaced stones or broken branches. As they made camp, Ryll could smell the scent of fire a ways off and could picture Merlin making dinner for Arthur. She smiled to herself. Poor Merlin. She and Morgana worked together to set their own camp and managed to come up with a halfway decent broth to share.

After they had finished their meal, they lay down on their blankets, keeping close to the small fire they had built. "What will you do when this is all over?" Morgana asked her.

Ryll thought for a moment, taken aback by the question. She hadn't ever thought about her childhood horrors being over. Obviously she would never be able to forget something as horrible as watching her parents die, but to have some sort of closure... "I'll visit my parents' graves. Just to tell them that it's over," she said finally. "What will Uther do when he finds out I've gone with Arthur?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. He'll be furious with me too." Until then, Ryll hadn't given much thought to her actions or rather what would come from them. Her mind was set the moment she'd overheard Merlin and Arthur discussing the creature that had killed her family and where it could be found. But would she be welcome back in Camelot afterwards? Uther would not be so forgiving no matter what Ryll's excuse was. "I won't let anything happen to you," Morgana promised her.

"But I've used magic. I've broken laws. I've gone off on a quest I was forbidden to go on."

"All to help Arthur and the people of Camelot," Morgana amended. She took Ryll's hand. "Uther has to see that you're trying to help. We're not just going to sit around and let the knights have all the fun." She smiled at Ryll who couldn't help but smile back.

"You've been like a sister to me ever since I came to Camelot," Ryll told her. "I didn't grow up with a family and your friendship means more to me than I can say."

Morgana squeezed her hand before letting go. "You're like a sister to me too," she said. "Let's not worry about Uther now."

They fell silent as they each drifted off to sleep and despite the hard ground and cold night, Ryll found comfort in the familiar outdoor setting that she had slept so many nights in throughout her life. She realized how much she missed the open air and open space. The castle walls could feel constricting at times. There were too many rules and formalities. In the wilderness there was nothing but the trees and the wind and the sky. She sighed, letting sleep wash over her. For once her dreams were not of darkness.

…

They planned the next morning when they would show themselves to Arthur and Merlin. It had to be at a point where it was too late for them to turn back, Ryll suggested. Morgana was pleased with this idea, eager to see the look on Arthur's face when he realized that Morgana and Ryll were more than capable of tracking them through the wilderness. Ryll realized that Morgana had the same desire to prove herself capable too. She carried herself well despite the danger that lay before them, her pale eyes determined. She obviously felt undermined by Uther and by Arthur.

"I'd just like to be heard for once," she told Ryll as they rode on, having decided to wait until close to the end of the day to catch up to Arthur and Merlin. "It seems like any opinions I have that might differ from Uther's are ignored or turned into some sort of joke. I may be his ward, but he has no respect for what I think. No matter what he says, he acts as if he's always right. He may be king, but that doesn't make him right about everything." The bitterness in her voice was unmistakable.

"I'm sorry that he's not a better father to you," Ryll said.

Morgana let out a derisive laugh. "He's no father to me," she said. "In fact, I blame him for my father's death."

"Why?" Ryll looked at her friend in surprise.

"My father was fighting in a battle and Uther promised him reinforcements. They never came. He might not have even sent them. My father died that day because of Uther."

"What if he sent them but they didn't get there in time?" Ryll asked.

"Then he should have sent them sooner. Uther tries to act like he's my father, but he doesn't realize that he never will be." Morgana's tone had grown angrier. "Sometimes I wish he were dead." Ryll felt alarm at her words. This was not the Morgana she had grown to know. She knew there was resentment and anger between Morgana and Uther whether Uther realized it or not. But wanting Uther dead was a whole other matter.

"You don't mean that," she said.

Morgana looked over at her, her eyes hard. "Maybe. Maybe not. I just can't forgive him for what he did." She left it at that. Ryll didn't know how to respond and so a silence fell between them as they rode into the afternoon. It was nearing evening when Ryll suggested they catch up to Merlin and Arthur.

"It's too late for them to turn us back now," she said. "Not that Merlin will object to us being there." Morgana nodded but didn't speak. She had been dour since her confession earlier, and Ryll hoped her rash thoughts had subsided.

They urged their horses into a gallop, Ryll leading the way. They only slowed them when Ryll held up a hand to listen to the silence around them. There was a crackle up ahead and she motioned for Morgana to follow her at a walk. They caught sight of movement. Two horses were tied to a tree in a clearing, dancing around with nervousness at having been left alone. Ryll shook her head.

"They think they're being clever," she said. "They'll jump out at us in a moment."

Sure enough, Arthur stormed into the clearing, sword drawn, a few moments later. He stopped short at the sight of Ryll and Morgana. Merlin appeared at his side, looking guilty. Arthur looked at him, his eyes stormy. "Care to explain this?" he asked.

"Nope, not really," Merlin replied. Arthur glared at him.

"Merlin had nothing to do with it," Morgana replied. "I overheard you speaking with Uther and told Ryll. We want to help." Arthur turned his glare to Morgana.

"We don't need any help. Now we're going to be worrying about you two."

"We don't need anyone to worry about us," Ryll retorted. "We can handle ourselves just fine."

"We're coming," Morgana insisted.

"It's too late to send them back; we're nearly there," Merlin said.

Arthur sighed. "Start setting up camp. We start up again at first light." He sheathed his sword irritably and stalked away to gather firewood.

"Well, that went reasonably well," Merlin said when Arthur was out of earshot.

"If you say so," Ryll answered.

"He's just mad because you tracked us this far."

"Yes, well, we can't all be knights, but that doesn't mean that I can't be good at everything a knight is good at," Ryll said. She stopped speaking as Arthur returned.

"Well, are you going to all sit around or are we going to get a camp set up?" he asked moodily. Merlin and Ryll exchanged a glance and then set to work. Morgana tended the horses while Ryll set out blankets and Merlin prepared a meal. Arthur sat fuming after having made a fire. Ryll went to sit beside him, not speaking at first.

"I know you're angry with me," she started. "But you have to understand why I needed to come."

Arthur looked over at her, the firelight flickering in his eyes. "I do. But you have to understand how dangerous it is."

"I know that. You can't deny that I am more than capable of protecting myself."

"That's not the point."

"Arthur, this thing killed my parents. It's making your people sick. We both want to kill it. At least respect my need to avenge my parents."

Arthur studied her for a moment, his eyes softer. "I can respect that," he said finally. "But you follow my lead."

"Alright." Ryll smiled slightly, glad that they were no longer fighting. Arthur's lips turned up in a slight smile too though he tried to hide it. His fingers brushed hers for a moment before he went to join Merlin and Morgana in front of the fire. Ryll watched them for a moment, speaking quietly as Merlin dolled out the broth he had prepared. In that moment, before the danger and darkness that awaited them tomorrow, she felt a surge of happiness. Her life had taken her so many places, but it was here that she was happy. No matter the king or the castle or the traditions that kept her from pursuing her dreams – she was with friends. These people cared about her and she them. Arthur might be angrily with her for having followed him, but he wanted to protect her. She'd been protecting herself for so long that she didn't know how to handle someone wanting to protect her for a change.

Arthur looked over at her, smiling. She got up, smiling back, and went to sit next to him by the fire. Despite what was to come the next day, Ryll forgot her revenge for a moment. They talked until their eyes grew weary and the fire turned to embers. Then Ryll found herself curled between Arthur and Merlin, feeling the warmth coming off of both of them as they huddled close for warmth. Even if they were with a day's ride of the necromancer, out in the open, Ryll felt safer than she had in a long time. Even though she could protect herself, knowing that Arthur lay next to her, ready to fight for her was a comfort. Tomorrow the four of them would walk into the dark citadel of Scarath and face the foe that had caused her so much grief. Tomorrow the sick people would recover because if the wraith was not dead by tomorrow, Ryll was not leaving.


	18. The Weight of a Million Souls

-18-

"Ryll. Amaryllis." Ryll awoke with a start to the sound of her name. She opened her eyes but could only see the vague outline of whomever it was standing above her. She felt a hand shake her shoulder.

"Alright, I'm awake," she mumbled, thrusting the blanket off of herself and instantly regretting it. The air was bitterly cold in the pre-dawn morning. She pulled her cloak closer to her to fend off the dampness.

It was Arthur who had woken her. He set to packing supplies while Merlin fed and watered the horses. Morgana was sitting on the log where Arthur and Ryll had sat the night before. Her long black hair was drawn back into a braid. She looked up at Ryll.

"We should reach the citadel by noon," she told Ryll. Something haunted lingered in her eyes. Ryll sat down beside her.

"Are you frightened?" she asked.

Morgana shook her head. "Not of fighting off this creature. It's just a feeling I've had…." she trailed off either unwilling to share more or afraid to.

"What kind of feeling?"

"Something ominous. I've been having nightmares," she admitted.

"I know that you suffer from nightmares. We all do at times."

"You don't understand. Sometimes what I dream comes true," Morgana whispered. "I haven't told anyone because I'm not sure what it means."

"I won't tell anyone, I promise. What did you dream of, Morgana?"

"I dreamt of the citadel. Before I even overheard Arthur speaking with Uther of it. I knew it had to be the same one because of the creature I saw. I've never seen a wraith before, but I can't think of what else it could have been."

"What happened?"

"I wandered around the citadel until I found you. You were fighting off the wraith. But then… then it seemed to _become_ you."

Ryll felt a jolt of fear. "What do you mean 'become me'?" she asked.

"It seemed to melt into you and I saw it behind your eyes. You have to be careful, Ryll." Morgana looked genuinely frightened, and Ryll decided not to question the validity of her dream. If she said she'd had a dream about the citadel then she had. What worried Ryll was the possibility of the wraith possessing her.

"Well now that we know what happens, we can be prepared," she told Morgana, forcing her voice to be cheerful. "I won't ever let such a beast take over me."

Morgana nodded, smiling slightly. "You're right. I'm sure you're right."

"Or maybe it was just a nightmare. Not all of your dreams come true, do they?" Ryll reasoned.

"No, they don't. You're probably right." Ryll could tell Morgana wanted to be reassured. She wanted someone to tell her that she wasn't going mad, that she wasn't seeing the future. Ryll didn't know what to believe. Growing up on the run, she'd learned to fend for herself, doubting everything around her unless it offered indelible proof of its validity. But since she had discovered the power of her ring… the concept of a nightmare coming true no longer seemed so strange to her. She only hoped in this case it was just a nightmare.

"Come on, we should get ready to leave," Ryll told Morgana.

…

The forest grew progressively darker though the day grew lighter. It seemed as if everything grew darker as they rode closer to the citadel of Scarath. The Dimwall Forest grew dense but instead of showing signs of life, the trees seemed lifeless. Bark peeled from the sick trunks of trees and the leaves were turning yellow despite the early year.

"Nothing can survive for long around a wraith," Merlin said aloud. "They suck the life out of everything eventually. Who knows how long this one has been around." He glanced at Ryll.

No one spoke after this. It seemed that to break the silence was some sort of taboo. It was so utterly quiet without the sound of birds or the rustle of squirrels in the tree branches. Nothing moved. There was no wind. The very air seemed stiff and difficult to breath as if they were climbing a mountain where the air was thin. Ryll tried to keep herself calm by remembering a lullaby her mother used to sing her before her untimely death.

_Listen to the silence of the morning,_

_Before the bluebirds start to sing their songs;_

_Can't you hear the whisper of the willows_

_As they sing of a wind long gone;_

_Close your eyes dear child_

_And think of me today,_

_As you listen to the silence of the morning,_

_Until the bluebirds come to stay. _

Only this silence wasn't normal and she doubted any bluebirds lived in this forest and her mother wasn't waiting at home to calm her. She was alone. Well, not alone. She glanced at her three companions. It dawned on her that they would stay by her side through anything and that she would do the same for them. Perhaps she had no family waiting for her at home, but the most family she had right now was riding along side her. That gave her hope.

…

It was hard to tell whether it really was noon when they reached the base of the mountain and first set eyes on the citadel of Scarath. The sky was still dim, almost hazy, and the sunlight didn't penetrate this far. The citadel itself was hard to make out through the haze, but as they began their ascent up the winding pathway leading to its gates, the stone building became clearer. It was a harsh, unwelcoming place just as Ryll had expected. But it did not look as if it were built to chase away visitors. On the contrary, the citadel, though not large, appeared large enough to perhaps once have been home to a small group of people. She was no expert on castles, but there were some signs of care that had long been forgotten. A long dead ivy plant wound its way up the stone wall that surrounded the exterior of the citadel. Flower beds lined the pathway up to the gate though it had been a long time since flowers had grown there. As they reached the gates, Ryll could see a stone courtyard beyond with a dry fountain at its center.

"This used to be an actual city," Arthur said quietly, confirming her thoughts. "I'm not sure what happened to the people though. They just suddenly vanished."

"Do you suppose the gate's locked?" Merlin asked.

"Why don't you go and find out?" Arthur suggested.

"I'll go," Ryll interrupted, dismounting and walking cautiously toward the iron gate. She pressed her hands against it and found that it swung open easily, creaking lowly from disuse. They left their horses outside the gate, tied to a dying tree whose branches veered off in odd angles. They walked in, their footsteps echoing in the desolate courtyard.

"Hard to picture people living here," Merlin said.

"No one has lived here in a very long time," Ryll said softly. Arthur and Merlin turned to look at her.

"Why do you suppose they just vanished?" They stared at her blankly. "The wraith took their lives. That's how it's managed to stay dormant for so long."

"That's awful," Merlin said.

"That's why we need to stop this from happening again," Arthur said. "Come on." He headed further into the courtyard, stopping when he found that there were three passages that veered off in different directions.

"I think we should split up," he told them. "We'll meet back here. If you find the wraith then call out as loudly as you can. This city is so empty it should echo. Merlin, you take the left, Ryll and Morgana, you take the center, and I'll take the right."

"How do we know when an hour is up?" Ryll asked, looking up at the sun that she couldn't see through the haze.

"Just guess."

They took off in opposite directions. Morgana and Ryll stuck close to each other, swords drawn. The passageway wound upwards, clearly taking them to the top level of the citadel. Ryll had a feeling that they would find what they were looking for here. Why would the necromancer be hiding in some dark corner or passageway when he was the king of this fortress? Shoulders brushing, the two girls reached the top of the citadel, standing close, swords ready should anything present itself. They were standing in another courtyard. Ahead of them was a set of doors leading into what looked like a cathedral. Dark stained glass served as windows though Ryll doubted any light penetrated them.

"It's in there," Ryll said.

"How do you know?"

"I can feel it." She didn't know how. She just could. It was like it was calling her. She could feel the darkness stirring from beyond the door.

"I think this is something I have to do on my own," she said, turning to Morgana. "Will you go find Arthur and Merlin?"

"What? No, you can't go in there alone, I'm coming with you," Morgana said.

"Please. I just know that I need to do this."

Morgana looked at her for a moment, her eyes showing her confliction. "I'll get Arthur and Merlin," she said. "Be careful." She hugged Ryll before running back in the direction they had come from.

Ryll turned back to the cathedral doors. She took a deep breath. And entered.

…

Merlin found that the left corridor led him to a section of the city that must have once housed the residents of the city. The houses lined the streets, two story stone buildings that ran together in an endless grey line as far as he could see. There were remnants of the life the city used to hold here and there like a broken doll laying next to a doorway or a set of cracked teacups set out on a table just inside an empty window frame. The houses were still furnished though the furniture was dusty and falling apart. It was as if the people had just vanished. But then perhaps they did. They must have all fallen ill and died just like Ryll's village. He shuddered at the thought. It made the citadel feel even more empty and abandoned knowing what fate had befallen the townspeople. He moved on, working his way up the narrow stone street. The houses ended with another courtyard. This one was surrounded by storefronts. It seemed that the citadel had once been a self-sufficient society. Had the necromancer been their leader or had he moved in after the wraith had taken out the people? There was an overall gloom that filled each little crevice of the city, filling in the gaps between fallen stones and broken glass.

The sooner they left the better.

It seemed that he had found a dead end. A narrow alleyway led away between one of the stores. It didn't seem to lead to any main street, but Merlin took it anyway, not wanting to backtrack. The alleyway led deeper into the citadel but he found himself going down, not up. He started walking faster until he found the end of the alley and found himself standing on a small plot of land shadowed by weeping willows. Black iron gates stood open and led into what Merlin decided was proof of what had happened in the city. A mass grave. Cracked stone crosses lay haphazardly, half buried within the moss-covered ground. He stood for a moment, shocked by his find. It was horrible and sad all at once. _This could be Camelot_, he found himself thinking. _This has to stop_. He turned and backtracked, this time at a run. He had to find Ryll, Arthur and Morgana. They weren't safe alone. He didn't stop running until he reached the courtyard. He had no idea if an hour had passed. He paced anxiously in front of the dry fountain. He was about to go after either Arthur or Morgana and Ryll when someone touched his shoulder. He jumped, turning to find Morgana. Her eyes were wide and she was alone.

"Where's Ryll?" he asked at once.

"She's going into this cathedral we found at the top of the citadel. She thinks the wraith is in there. She's going to face it alone. We have to help her."

Merlin was already running up the center path. "Find Arthur!" he yelled back at Morgana. He didn't stop running until he reached the cathedral doors. With a sickening feeling, he put his hands on the doors and pushed.

…

There was a certain finality as Ryll walked down the aisle of the cathedral toward the shadowy figure that stood at the pulpit. She realized that there was a great chance of her dying, but somehow that didn't scare her now that she was moments away from facing her greatest fear and the thing that had haunted her all her life. Whatever happened, this needed to be finished. It was a chapter of her life she wanted to put away, fold over and never look back.

She stopped a few feet from the wraith. "Where is your master?" she asked aloud, surprised to find her voice steady. The shadow turned to face her but did not speak. Perhaps it couldn't.

"Ah, you've brought me back my trinket." Another voice penetrated the dark shadows of the cathedral, soft yet ragged as if little used. A man stepped into the faint light that came through the stained glass windows. She could not make out his face from under the cowl of his hood and he did not move to push it back.

"_Your _trinket? You mean the ring?" Ryll asked, fingering it. "It belonged to my mother."

"Your mother stole something of mine."

"To protect her daughter," Ryll nearly spat. "But you and your wraith killed her. And everyone else."

"I remember you that day," the necromancer said, his voice like snakes crawling up Ryll's arms. She bit back a shiver. "You were so young, so scared…. I had control of the wraith. I didn't need any trinket to do so, but your mother bound the wraith to that ring of hers. Because of its healing abilities the wraith was trapped within it with you as its guardian. As long as you wore it, the wraith could not escape its trap. But you took it off. You set it free."

"I didn't know. I never would have taken it off had I known that." Ryll refused to feel guilty. It was the necromancer who had caused all this pain and death.

"You really don't know what you're capable of, do you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

He laughed hollowly. "I'll let you figure that out for yourself."

"You said my mother had magic. Does that mean I do too?" Ryll asked.

The necromancer studied her for a moment. "Perhaps."

Ryll felt a surge of frustration. "You don't know or you won't tell me?" she questioned angrily.

"I owe you nothing."

"You owe me _everything_!" Ryll was yelling now. "You killed my family and you burned the only home I'd ever known and now that I've found somewhere else to love, you're ruining that too!"

"I'm not doing anything. I'm not in control of the wraith anymore. You are."

"Me? You think I'd let it kill innocent people?" Ryll was sickened at the thought.

"You let it loose from its tether. You control it now. Give the ring back to me, and you will be rid of that burden."

Ryll laughed. "And let you kill everyone I know? I don't think so." She took a step back. The wraith's shadowy face followed her every move. "If the wraith is bound to the ring, then I've no use for it anymore." She pulled the ring from its chain around her neck and placed it on the ground, driving the edge of her sword into it. She expected the ring to skitter away across the cracked stone floor, but it stayed still, the sword cracking the jewel. She drove the sword into it again, cracking the stone further.

The necromancer was shouting something at her while the wraith stood deadly still. With one final thrust of the sword, the ring lay in ruins.

"You stupid girl, what have you done?" the necromancer hissed. "You just destroyed any protection you had from the wraith."

Ryll felt a tremor of fear as the wraith took a silky step toward her. "Now no one controls it. It can kill whomever it wishes." She looked straight at the necromancer. "Perhaps the one who conjured it and bound it in the first place."

The wraith seemed to mull over this suggestion before turning to gaze down the necromancer. The dark sorcerer showed fear for the first time, tripping back over his robes. The wraith was faster though, swooping down on his one-time master, devouring his life force. Ryll watched, glued to the ground in horror. Then the wraith turned to her.

"I set you free," she said quietly, her voice trembling. The wraith came at her still until all she could see was the blackness of its form. Then she felt a tug and a light-headedness. The last thing she saw was blackness swirling before her eyes before she fell to the floor. The last thing she felt was the pain of a million souls trapped forever within the wraith. It was pure and uncontainable agony. She heard herself scream like death itself, her body rising up with the force of the souls now trapped within her. Whatever it was the wraith was trying to do, it was consuming her, filling her with the deepest black until she wished that she would die.

Then she felt a release, a whoosh of something above her head. She fell back to the ground, the weight of a million dead souls gone from her body. She opened her eyes a crack to see what was happening. A set of bright blue eyes met hers and then she blacked out.


	19. Goodbye Kiss

_Author's note: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt who are so freaking adorable together. Yeah, I'm addicted to watching Parks and Recreation. Okay, that's all I wanted to say..._

-19-

She could see her parents. They were standing near a great willow tree with roots that wound around each other like writhing snakes. It was dead. They stood one on either side, and Ryll could see that there was a doorway in the center of the tree. She could not see what lay beyond. She looked to her mother.

"Amaryllis, you've grown so beautiful," she said, holding out a pale hand. Ryll stepped forward eagerly to take it. Her hand grasped thin air.

"You're-"

"Dead. Yes."

"Then am I?" Ryll looked down at her own hand. Her skin was translucent like a ghost's.

"You're near to death. Defeating the wraith took most of your energy."

"We're so proud of you," her father spoke, taking a step forward.

"You've finally set us free."

"You were trapped, weren't you? Inside the wraith?"

"It sucked the life from us and consumed our souls. We were lost until you set us free. You set many souls free. Now it's time to let them go."

"What do you mean?"

"When the wraith possessed you, it passed the souls onto you. You and only you can set them free so they can move to the beyond." Ryll looked at her mother as she spoke.

"Then I set them free. I don't want them." As she spoke, she felt a sort of release as if a weight had been lifted from her. Glowing orbs emanated from her skin, hovering before her like a flock of fireflies. Then they moved toward the doorway in the tree and disappeared through it.

"It's time for us to go," her mother spoke softly, reaching out a hand to take her husband's.

"No, mother. I've only just found you again!" Ryll cried out, desperate for more time.

"The choice is yours, Amaryllis. You can come with us, or you can go back."

Ryll hesitated. "If I go with you, there's no going back is there? I'll die."

"Yes, you will die," her mother replied.

Ryll took a step toward the tree, but something held her back. She thought she heard a voice calling her name. She looked up. Blue eyes. She remembered blue eyes, glowing brightly, set on her. _Ryll_. She heard it again. She took a step back, looking to her mother and father, her heart torn in two.

"I cannot go forward," she said finally. "As much as I want to be with you, I have a life back there and friends. If I leave them forever, I'll never forgive myself."

Her mother smiled and nodded. "There is so much more for you, my darling. Go live your life. We will meet again one day."

Ryll stood and watched as her parents walked, hand in hand, toward the doorway. Then they vanished, leaving a gaping hole behind. Ryll felt an emptiness creep into her heart, but she couldn't allow herself to die. She felt an insistent tugging pulling her back into life. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

"Ryll, you're alive! I thought you were dead!" Merlin was holding her cradled in his arms, sitting against the rotting side of a pew. His face was strained and his blue eyes damp.

"Merlin," Ryll croaked, finding that her voice was almost lost. "I thought I was too. I saw them, you know."

"Saw who?"

"My parents."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. I set them free." She smiled to herself, leaning her head against Merlin's shoulder. She felt herself drifting.

"Stay with me, Ryll. You have to stay with me," Merlin coaxed, panic in his voice.

"I'm going to stay here with you," she murmured. "I'll always stay with you." She fell asleep, her mind and body no long able to support itself without rest. Merlin sat with her in his arms for a long time, relieved beyond measure that she was alive. He noticed that her ring lay cracked on the floor a few feet away. He frowned, looking down to where her head had struck the floor when she had fallen. A nasty looking cut ran down the side of her forehead. The blood had dried, but it wasn't healing.

"You're just mortal again," he murmured. Maybe that was for the better. She might not be able to heal anymore, but there was nothing ordinary about her. She didn't need that power to shine.

Footsteps interrupted his thoughts and Arthur and Morgana burst through the doors. Their faces registered shock and then horror at the sight of Ryll curled up in Merlin's arms.

"She's alive," he said quickly. "The wraith is gone, but it took a toll on her. She just needs to rest."

"What happened?" Arthur asked, looking over to where the necromancer's body lay.

"I'm not sure. I wasn't here. I just saw the wraith attack Ryll and then vanish. It must have turned on the necromancer."

Morgana looked fearfully around. "It's gone for good?" she asked.

"Yes," Merlin said decisively. "It's gone."

…

The journey back was somber and silent. Ryll slept through most of it, riding in front of Merlin, his arms wrapped protectively around her. She did not speak anymore of what had happened, and no one asked though she could see the question in their eyes. Arthur, she knew, would eventually ask her what had happened. It was his duty as prince to report to his father. She'd tell him the truth when he asked. No more lies, no more secrets. She wanted him – no, _needed _him to trust her. This was the only way.

It was as they reached the last leg of their journey that Arthur turned to her. "I need to know what happened," he said softly. "If you're willing to tell me." His eyes were gentle and questioning, and she knew he would not force her to tell him.

"I want to tell you everything," she said. "The truth. No more hiding things."

Arthur's eyes turned suspicious, but he nodded. "I'd appreciate that," he said.

"I want all of you to hear exactly what happened because you are all my friends and my family, and I don't want to ever keep anything from you."

They were camped out for the last night before their arrival in Camelot the next morning. All eyes turned to her and even the horses quieted down.

"Some of you know bits and pieces of what I'm about to say," she began, "but I'm going to start from the beginning. When I was a child, my family and my neighbors were killed by a wraith. It sucked the life out of them and consumed their souls in order to strengthen itself. This wraith was controlled by the necromancer who benefited from the power of the souls as well. When he sent the wraith to kill my village, my mother saved my life by giving me a ring. She had enchanted it to heal anyone who wore it and as the wraith took her life, she bound it to the ring. After that, it could no longer do any harm unless I removed the ring. She died telling me to always keep the ring, but I did not realize that if I took it off for a moment that the wraith could escape its bondage.

I took the ring off during the tournament. It felt like cheating to heal when others could not. In doing so, I unwittingly unleashed the power of the wraith once more. Gaius and Merlin researched into the wraith and the necromancer which led us to the citadel. I knew I had to face the wraith alone, so I sent Morgana away to find you two. The necromancer told me of the wraith and how it had been bound by the ring. I smashed the ring to set it free and it killed the necromancer. Then it turned on me. It possessed me for a moment, filling me with all the lost souls it had stolen. Somehow I think the lost souls were too much for the wraith. It passed them onto me and vanished. I fell into a state of unconsciousness that left me on the brink of death, and I saw my parents. They told me that I alone could now set the souls free, and so I did. I had a chance to follow my parents into death, but I chose to come back.

Now the ring is gone, and I have no power to heal. I'm sorry I hid that from you, Arthur. I know how your father feels about magic. I didn't know that the ring was magical until I discovered that my injuries would heal quickly. That's what saved me from death when Morgana and I first met and I was shot. I was afraid after I found out of its power, so I didn't tell you. I'm sorry."

Arthur looked at her for a long moment after she had told her story. "I forgive you," he said simply. "But I do not know if my father will pardon this."

"What?" Merlin exclaimed. "But she didn't do anything wrong."

"We don't have to tell him about the ring," Morgana put in.

"We have to. None of this is going to make sense otherwise."

"But Ryll didn't know the wraith was bound to the ring," Merlin argued.

"It's alright," Ryll said, putting up her hands. "I want him to know the truth. No more secrets."

"I cannot say what my father will do to you," Arthur said, looking grave.

"I know. And thank you for forgiving me. That's all I wanted." She smiled. "Whatever Uther's judgment, that I have the three of you as friends is enough."

…

Seeing the spires of Camelot the following morning was the first time Ryll had felt a dread grip her before entering the city. Whatever happened, she told herself, telling the truth was the best course of action. She cringed at the thought of what Uther might do to her. He could have her executed. He probably would. Somehow that didn't scare her as much as it might have before. She was so tired of lying and hiding who she was. Had she really done something so wrong that she deserved to die? No, but would he see it that way?

They were given time to bathe and rest before meeting together with Uther. Ryll took a long bath and then changed into a plain dress, pulling her hair back in a braid that ran down her back. Her neck felt bare without the ever-present ring, and she missed it for a moment. Then she remembered the misery it had caused her and might still cause her. Better without it. She straightened her dress before leaving her room and heading down the hall. She rounded a corner when she felt a hand grasp her wrist, pulling her into an alcove. She gave a start, turning to find herself facing Merlin. He had bathed and changed his clothes. His hair lay damp against his head. His eyes were wide with worry, a look Ryll had long grown accustomed to when he was looking at her.

"You don't have to do this," he said without preamble.

"Yes, I do," Ryll said. "I can't keep lying about who I am, about what I've done. See where it gets me? Arthur doesn't trust me. I can't lie anymore."

"But Uther might kill you for your honesty. I don't want to see you die, Ryll." Merlin's voice was insistent. Ryll leaned back against the wall behind her, and they stood like this for a moment, barely inches away from each other in the tight space. Ryll took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I want to tell the truth even if Uther punishes me in some harsh way. Maybe I deserve a harsh punishment. I've lied, I've used magic, and I set that wraith loose whether I meant to or not."

"You can't blame yourself for that. You didn't know. You would have sacrificed yourself to save them. You nearly did. Everyone has recovered, you know. Gaius told me as soon as I got back. You did that. You saved them all. Whatever actions you have done, you do not deserve to die for them. You're a hero, Ryll."

This brought a smile to Ryll's lips. "That's what I wanted all along, but now that I've become one, I just want to go back to being a regular person. I don't want to prove myself anymore. I just want to be me."

"You've never had to prove yourself to anyone but yourself," Merlin told her. "Since the moment I met you, I knew you were an incredible person. You just didn't believe it yourself."

"We should go. I don't want to keep Uther waiting."

"Wait," Merlin caught her wrists in his hands gently, keeping her still. "Not just yet," he whispered, leaning closer. His hands ran down her wrists until they were entwined with hers. Ryll looked at up him, her heart beating very quickly. His eyes were so very blue as he moved closer to her. She could feel his breath on her face, the tips of his wet hair brush her forehead. She felt a moment of panic and then his lips brushed hers, gently and hesitantly. She held her breath. He was holding his too. When Ryll didn't move away, Merlin kissed her again, just as gently as before. She could feel him holding back, waiting for her to either kiss him back or move away. She relaxed, letting her instincts take over and kissed him back. She could feel the rough wall against her back and then the soft touch of his hand on the back of her neck, brushing her skin gently. Everything was gentle and hesitant. She leaned into him, willing him to keep kissing her. His other hand brushed her waist, and she moved her hands up so that they were rested around the back of his neck, her fingers twisting in his damp black hair.

Their breath mingled, and Ryll felt the kiss deepen. It became slightly more desperate as if this really was their last moment together. Ryll began to fear her sentence. A hunger took over her. She could tell he'd waited so long to kiss her, and somehow she felt as if she had been waiting too. Suddenly there was no Uther, no judgment awaiting her, no Arthur, no past, only Merlin.

The sound of voices and footsteps broke them apart. They were both breathing hard, their faces flushed. Ryll couldn't meet Merlin's eyes for a moment. Four guards passed their hiding place, and Ryll let out a relieved breath. When they were gone, she finally turned to look at Merlin. His eyes were fairly glowing as he looked back at her. His hands were still holding gently onto her – one on her waist, the other on the back of her neck. Ryll's arms still rested across his shoulders, and her fingers were still entwined with his damp hair.

"I can't lose you, Ryll," Merlin breathed. He brought his face close to hers, his forehead rested against her own. Their breath mingled again.

"You're making this hard," Ryll whispered, laughing nervously.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm sor-"

Ryll cut him off, pressing her lips to his once more. She never wanted to forget this moment, the feel of his hand on the back of her neck, the taste of his lips on hers. She felt as if the moment could last forever, but she knew this couldn't be. She pulled away.

"We have to go," she said. "They'll all be waiting."

"You're sure?" Merlin asked her.

"I'm sure of what I have to do, yes." She smiled at him. "It will be alright. Whatever happens. We'll be alright."

He nodded half-heartedly. "I trust you."

"And that means everything to me. If this really is the last day I get to live, then I will die happier than I've ever been before. Because of you." She pulled away, regretfully, and he let go of her, his hands swinging to his sides. Ryll felt cold all at once and shivered.

She reached out to take his hand, squeezing it to comfort both him and herself. She had squeezed his hand so many times to comfort him or reassure him, but this time it was different. This time it meant something so much more to have him squeeze it back. She felt a little less cold, a little less frightened.

"I can do this," she said.

"I know you can. You're braver than anyone I know," he told her. Ryll leaned forward to kiss him one last time before stepping into the corridor.

They walked in silence, both too nervous to speak. When they reached the doors of the meeting hall, they exchanged one more glance before going in. Everyone was already assembled, awaiting their arrival. Ryll walked straight to the front of the room, bowing to the king respectfully. It was as if the last few minutes hadn't even happened. They felt distant, surreal. She held onto them nonetheless.

"Now then, Arthur tells me the wraith is dead as well as the necromancer. The villagers are improving, and all seems to be well. Tell me what passed in your journey. Obviously you had a few unexpected additions to your party." Uther cast Ryll and Morgana a dark look. "Arthur has told me how you both showed bravery and a sense of duty to Camelot on your journey," he said. "But you were not given permission to join him."

"With all due respect, we wanted to help," Morgana put in.

"This was my responsibility," Ryll added. "Please, let me tell my story." And so she told it, leaving out only Merlin's knowledge of her ring early on and his help with her entering the tournament. She met his eyes when she was finished with her story, finding courage in them. Uther contemplated her words solemnly for a long silent moment.

"You have broken the rules of Camelot by possessing an object of magical powers."

"Father, she did not even know of its powers until-" Arthur cut in, but Uther cut him off with a wave of his hand. Arthur fell silent.

"Not at first, but then she did. She should have brought the truth up at once and had the ring destroyed."

"She was doing no harm with it," Morgana objected.

"Perhaps not, but it still goes against the laws of our kingdom."

"I will take whatever judgment you decide for me," Ryll said, bowing her head. "I am sorry that I didn't tell the truth right away. I was afraid. I never meant any harm."

"I will agree with that – you did no harm. Though the wraith was attached to this ring – you did not know of it. Camelot owes you a great deal. With that in mind, my judgment is this: you will leave Camelot. You are banished henceforth. If you return, I will have no choice but to incarcerate you. You have until dawn."

"What? Father, you can't force her to leave!" Arthur objected loudly.

"She can't leave, this is her home!" Morgana cried out at the same time.

Merlin remained silent, but as Ryll turned to look at him, the look in his eyes said it all. He looked as if someone had died. It broke her heart.

"I accept your judgment," Ryll broke in. "It is fair, and I thank you for sparing my life despite my crimes against Camelot. I love this kingdom and would never wish it any harm." She bowed her head, her face expressionless even though she was dying on the inside. She looked at Arthur and Morgana. "Thank you," she said simply before turning and walking down the long length of the hall.

She did not cry until she reached her room. All the walls she had built up in the last few hours came tumbling down and she broke down, huddled on her bed. She couldn't stop thinking about the look on Merlin's face when he heard her judgment. This was her home. Everything she loved was here. Every_one_ she loved was here. _I don't want to see you die, Ryll._ Merlin's words echoed in her head. She couldn't die. For his sake. She might never see him again after tomorrow morning, but he wouldn't have to see her die. She stopped crying, resolving something that would keep her going for many months to come: she would see him again. No matter what it took. She would see him again.


	20. Leaving Camelot

-20-

Dawn came far too quickly. Both Ryll and Merlin felt that way as they blinked their eyes open. Merlin sat up in bed, looking around his shabby room. Everything looked a little greyer with the thought of Ryll leaving Camelot. The joy he had felt the night before – the exhilaration when he had kissed her and she had kissed him back – was now gone, replaced with an emptiness that threatened to consume him. This was all so unexpected. He hadn't really planned on that happening. Maybe a little. Maybe he'd felt like if he didn't, it would be too late. What _had_ he been thinking? Last he'd noticed she and Arthur were close. He was the prince of Camelot. Merlin was just a servant. Why should she choose him over Arthur? Not that Uther would ever allow anything to happen between his son and Ryll. Certainly not now. Merlin couldn't just let her go without knowing how she felt. Maybe the answer would make him hurt all the more, but he couldn't let her leave without knowing.

…

Ryll dressed in the clothes she had been wearing when she'd arrived in Camelot. She had her sword and her bow and that was it. It was just as if she were arriving in Camelot for the very first time. If only. Owl would be waiting for her in the stables, and then she would be off. The ragged pain she had felt the night before had faded to a dull ache. There was a knock on the door, and she opened it to find Arthur standing there.

"Can I come in?" he asked solemnly.

"Of course." Ryll moved aside so he could come in and shut the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry that it's come to this," Arthur said.

"I'm alive still," Ryll replied. "What more can I ask for?" Arthur watched her, his clear blue eyes sad.

"That's very true. I could never have watched you be executed. What you did was brave. You told the truth despite the risk to yourself. You've gained my trust, Ryll."

"I'm glad we can part as friends," Ryll replied. Arthur's expression wavered for a moment. Before he could speak, Ryll continued. "Arthur, you mean a great deal to me, but you're the prince of Camelot. Your father would never let anything happen between us, especially now. I'm sorry, but we can never be together. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I really hope this isn't the last time we meet. Perhaps there will come a time when Camelot will call on me for help."

Arthur smiled. His eyes were still sad, but Ryll could see the acceptance behind them. "Perhaps," he said. "I wish you the best of luck." He came forward and kissed her on the cheek, and then he was gone. The first kiss they had shared seemed so long ago. Her feelings for him had faded somewhere in between the realization that nothing could ever happen between them and her confusion about Merlin. Who was she kidding anyway? She would never want to be a queen. Uther would never allow it to begin with, but that wasn't what she wanted anyway.

Merlin. She had to see him one last time before she left. She was halfway to the physician's quarters before she'd even realized she had left her room. And there he was, coming to find her. They both stopped, hesitating at the sight of each other. Ryll felt suddenly nervous. She'd thought of Merlin as a friend for so long, the unbidden feelings that crept up were foreign to her. They frightened her. This was different from what she had felt for Arthur. She felt so much more comfortable around Merlin – like she could be herself, like nothing was expected of her. He was safe, and she wanted to be near him.

"I wanted to see you before I left," she said finally, breaking the silence.

"Me too."

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" Ryll asked. Standing out in the hall, she felt so exposed. Merlin motioned toward the parapet that lay beyond a set of doors.

"Out there should be quiet." They walked outside, finding a secluded alcove along the parapet. No guards were visible, and so they were alone. Ryll watched as the sun stained the sky red. She would have to leave soon. The thought tore her apart.

"I don't even know what to say," Merlin said after a pause.

"Me neither."

"I just wanted to ask, before you go, what it is we have…?" Merlin hesitated. "How you feel…?" he stammered over his words.

"How I feel about you?" Ryll finished his sentence. He nodded, his cheeks reddening ever so slightly.

"Merlin, you've been my friend since I arrived in Camelot. I've always felt so safe around you, like I can trust you with anything. You've never judged me, only accepted me for who I was – before even I could accept myself. You helped me find myself and come to terms with my past. I don't even know where to begin." She took a step toward him. "And perhaps I'm not completely sure how I feel. It took me by surprise. But I feel like I've been feeling it for longer than I ever knew." She caught her breath. "Right now all I can think is that it hurts me so much to have to leave you."

"Me too." He filled in the gap between them, pulling her into a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his shoulder.

"You don't have to know what you're feeling," he murmured. "I just wanted to know if you care about me as much as I care about you."

"Of course. I've always known that," she said into his shoulder. "But I can't tell you I love you because we can't be together." The words felt like daggers on her tongue, and she felt him stiffen slightly. "You have a life here, and now I don't. I don't know what will happen to me."

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"You can't make that promise. But Merlin, I promise: I will find a way to return to Camelot."

"I could come with you."

Ryll pulled away, looking into Merlin's eyes. "You have no idea how much I'd love that, but you can't. I'm not going to be responsible for ruining the life you have here and dragging you into exile with me. You have to stay. Promise me you'll stay. Promise me you'll move on with your life." Merlin's eyes were pained. "Please," Ryll pleaded with him.

"I promise."

The sun was nearly risen now. Ryll cursed it silently. "I have to go," she said. It took every bit of her strength to say those words.

"Camelot won't be the same without you, you know," Merlin told her.

"There won't be anyone to kill humbatas or cure all the villagers or upset all the knights at a tournament. I imagine it might be rather quiet without me."

This got a smile out of Merlin. Ryll found herself smiling back. "I'm going to miss you so much," she said.

"I'm going to miss you too."

"I'm not going to say goodbye because that implies I won't see you again. I'm going to see you again though. I promise. No matter what it takes."

"I'll hold you to that promise." Merlin smiled at her and for a moment she forgot her banishment. She put her arms around the back of his neck and drew him closer until their lips touched. The sun kissed their faces, and Ryll pulled away.

"Until we meet again," she said, touching a hand to his cheek before turning away. She didn't look back. Merlin watched her leave, his heart breaking as she vanished from sight.

…

When Ryll reached the stables, she found that Morgana was waiting for her, holding Owl's reins. The small horse was saddled and the saddlebags were bulging with food and supplies. "I couldn't let you leave empty handed," Morgana said. "Especially after all you've done for us." She pulled Ryll into a hug, and Ryll fought back tears.

"I'm going to miss you, Morgana," she said.

"I can't imagine life without you. You're like a sister to me," Morgana replied. "I'll try to get Uther to change his mind – to at least let you come back some day."

"Thank you, but I don't want you to argue with him on my account. He made a fair judgment."

Morgana's eyes clouded over, and Ryll could see that she was furious with Uther. Her thoughts flashed back to Morgana's words: _Sometimes I wish he were dead._ She felt a stab of fear for her friend. Taking Morgana's hands, she said, "Don't let Uther's duty as king get in the way of your relationship with him. He tries to be a father to you; I can see it. You're too much alike – both stubborn and set in your views. You just have very different views sometimes." Morgana nodded. "Just don't let him get to you," Ryll added. "He does love you."

"Where will you go?" Morgana asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know. I never really had anywhere to call home before I came to Camelot. I'll just travel, I suppose. It's not all that bad. Maybe I'll find a village I like and live there." She smiled. "Don't worry about me, Morgana. If there's one thing I know how to do it is survive. But I will miss Camelot. It felt so much like home."

"You'll return some day," Morgana promised her. "Arthur and I will make sure of that."

She handed the reins to Ryll, and Ryll mounted. She looked down at Morgana. "Be strong," she said. "Camelot would be lost without you to look out for it."

Morgana smiled. "It's going to be lost without you whether it knows it or not," she said. "Goodbye, Amaryllis."

"Goodbye." She turned Owl and together they made their way out of the city. Ryll looked back once, her eyes traveling to the parapet where she had stood with Merlin. He still stood there, looking over the stone railing. His eyes met hers and an unspoken promise went out to her. _I will find you_.

"I will find you too," she whispered. Then she turned away and pushed Owl into a gallop. Camelot melted into the distance until the castle was hidden by the trees. Amaryllis didn't look back again as she rode into the depths of the forest. She didn't stop riding until long after the sun had set and they were miles from Camelot. Behind her was the life she longed to go back to, ahead of her was the unknown, and she was ready to face it.

…

Merlin watched until Ryll rode out of sight, swallowed by the trees. She was really gone. The last day had passed in a blur. If he couldn't still feel the warmth of her lips where they had touched his, he might have thought he'd imagined the whole thing. He'd promised her he would move on without her, but how was that possible? He'd only just realized he couldn't live without her.

He found his way back to the physician's quarters long after the sun had risen. Gaius didn't mention Ryll, but set him up with a long list of tasks to complete. Merlin knew he was just trying to help distract him, but he could hardly focus on what he was doing. He headed out to the woods in the afternoon to collect herbs for Gaius, following the trail Ryll would have taken, hardly paying any attention to where he was going. The forest seemed so empty, so quiet. It didn't occur to him that something else was wrong. Not until he heard the screech and saw the beast. It came straight at him, its golden beak clicking, wings spread out six feet on either side. Merlin thought for a moment he was looking death in the eye. Then a body came hurling out of nowhere and knocked him aside. A sword was thrust at the best, and it flew off with an angry screech. Merlin shook himself, looking over to see who had saved him. A man who looked to be a few years older than him looked back at him with dark eyes.

"You saved my life, thank you," Merlin said, holding out a hand to help the man up. "I'm Merlin."

"Lancelot," the man introduced himself. He took a step forward and then winced with pain, his hand went to his side and came away red.

"You're injured," Merlin said just as the man slumped over in pain. He hurried over to help him up. "My horse is just a little ways away. Let's get you some help." And just like that his life was back to normal. For a second he forgot to miss Ryll. He thought of her later that night when Lancelot slept away his injury and Merlin mulled over the strange creature that had attacked earlier, but as the days passed and new issues presented themselves, the pain got a little easier to bear. He could almost pretend that the last few months had not happened, that it was all a dream. Almost.

* * *

**_Merlin Will Return_**

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed the first installment of my Merlin saga. It turned out to be about 100 pages longer than I expected. (144 pages in Word!) I plan on continuing with four more installments - one for each series. The next one will mostly take place outside of Camelot while Ryll is banished. It's also going to include a lot of a certain character who was introduced at the end of this chapter. Eventually she's going to come back to Camelot. Somehow. Let's plot against Uther. Anyway, let me know what you thought! It always makes my day to hear from my readers. It makes my day just to see that people are reading it__._

_I included the little Merlin pov at the end of this chapter to sort of give a vague timeline. I know that the Lancelot episode is like episode 5 in series one, but I kind of stretched things out a little. I don't plan on actually writing out any scenes/story lines that happened in the show unless it's absolutely necessary._

_Thanks again for reading!_


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